


Hope It's Worth (I've born ready)

by Hiraeth_UnstuckInTime



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, From Childhood to Adulthood, People stop aging until they meet, Soulmate AU, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2018-07-25 16:35:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 75,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7539943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiraeth_UnstuckInTime/pseuds/Hiraeth_UnstuckInTime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So... this was supposed to be a short fluffy piece about Soulmates being happy.</p><p>Then plot happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> I'm grown-up child, with nothing to my name and no real talent for anything in particular.
> 
> English is not not even my first Language. I can't actually speak it.
> 
> But I can read it. So... I tried to write and this happened.
> 
> I'm really sorry.

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Catherine Grant was born, her soulmate was already there.

Waiting for her somewhere. 

 

* * *

 

There are moments a man - a father - can't forget.

The punch in his gut at the words _I'm late_. The excited panic of a _It's positive_. The knot in his throat before the _Don't worry, sir. Braxton hicks are perfectly normal and not something to worry about_. The feeling in his chest when he finally, finally, holds her and _It's a girl and everything is fine_.

And she's so little, so pink and fragile and falling in love with her it's in his genes.

And Mr Grant, would never forget those moments. But they're barely the start. And he's looking forward the nexts.

First steps. First words. Even the first _No!_.

But he doesn't have to wait long, before the thing he was anticipating the most, happens.

He watches, transfixed, as blotches of beautiful colors appear on her chubby hands. Blue, red, yellow. As if the newborn herself has just dipped her little fists in paint.

He cries.

He knows what it means.

And he cries, holding her to his chest, playing with the colored fingers as deep-rooted fears gently eradicate from the pieces of his soul he has ignored for years.

He lets himself remember hopes and dreams and plans that were never meant for him. Of lost chances he never actually had.

And he's ecstatic and so _deeply_ relieved. Reassured that somewhere, some kid with equally colorful hands, will one day take care of his little girl.

She'll never be alone. She'll never know how loneliness can eat your bones and flesh and keep you breathing.

She won't have to wait decades. Wondering how long the wait will last.

Wait, then settle, then watch her chance slip away.

He won't let her.

Because Mr Grant has spent 12 years in the body of a 25 five years old. Waiting for a girl born too late and dead too soon. He waited. Only to start aging, somewhere along the road.

It has destroyed something within him he still hadn't found a name for.

But his little girl won't.

He will teach her. He'll make sure she values the gift she has been given. A soulmate around her age. A soulmate she can grow up with. And one day, grow old with.

Even before knowing loss, he has known envy. For the little boys and girls writing to each-other even if there were whole oceans separating them. But oceans, you could cross. Time not.

And he is relieved and proud, that Fate has deemed his child one of those lucky ones.

He swears he will do anything to make sure she doesn't loose this gift. Even if he has to track down the kid himself and keep him safe until the time is right. He won't let the Universe take her person from her.

So he keeps track of the mirrored paint on her hands as meticulously as her feeding/sleeping schedule.

And the colors keeps appearing. Sometimes during the night. Sometimes during the day.

And he knows, he's becoming just a little bit obsessed.

 _The child must live in a different timezone or has the most irregular schedule_ , he ponders as he's trying to get his very awake daughter too sleep.

But the worries all fade away, as she shoves a blue and yellow fist in her mouth, grinning toothlessly around her knuckles.

The man may have seen many things in his lifetime, but nothing has ever brought him so much joy as the sight before him. And the meaning behind it.

He grabs a green marker and draws a smiley face on her arm. The caption _Daddy says Hi_ under it.

The parents of the lucky bloke deserve to feel happy, after all. And, secretly, he needs their reassurance, too.

They never reply, and the the kid keeps hand painting in the strangest hours.

 

* * *

  

Cat is three when she starts to purposely scribbling on her skin.

The other kid scribbles, too. His existence as mysterious as irrefutable.

They make zero sense. Both of them.

But the sight will never cease to make him smile.

It's endearing, the way they keep it up for hours a day, relentlessly writing and washing and writing again. As if they're having some kind of deep conversation they just can't drop.

Sometimes, he's pretty sure his little girl is trying to make some very compelling point her interlocutor is tirelessly disbanding, judging from her animated and fierce expression. And he can actually picture the two of them as young adults, bickering and challenging each-other, with the same affectionate frustration.

He snorts at himself, before shaking his head. Maybe it's just their version of _No, you hang up first_.

So he teaches her how to draw little stars and little hearts and little flowers and little birds and smiley faces.

His daughter practices drawing each symbols over and over again on spare papers, tongue between little teeth in an expression of deep concentration, before placing them on herself.

He has a perfectionist on his hands, he has known it since she learned to strap on her favorite sneakers. And he's so profoundly proud of the care she puts in their childish correspondences. Like there's nothing she cherishes more.

He has spent hours, cuddling her and whispering about love and fate and soulmates. And she has babbled out dreams and hopes and plans.

The devotion for her mate is already clear and indisputable - even though they haven't exchanged sentences, yet - as she copies hearts and stars. Because they're her favorite, even if they are the ones she has more hardship with.

And he is a little disappointed that the kid, for all his initial artist education, replies with symbols you do not understand. All circles and triangles.

"Look! It's a people!" Cat exclaims exited at one particular sketch.

"A person, Kitty." He correct gently. It's the first time the both of them recognize some shape.

He grabs his brand new reflex and shoots a photo to add to the ones of the chubby baby with colored hands.

He won't let this moments go to waste. He will teach her to treasure them, as he had not with his own toddler mate. He won't let her dismiss this.

He'll teach the importance of cataloging these snapshots when she's older.

How to record them.

Because memories divert from truth, with time. They get embellished, or get forgotten, or become as intangible and evanescent as dreams.

But the truth can be as magical as fiction, more so, if you care enough to keep the details straight, collect the evidence of every milestone, every twist and turn and cliffhanger and climax, until you can just take a step back and see a whole story. An entire life-path evolution.

Two. Inevitably intertwining.

 

* * *

 

At six, it becomes obvious they do not share the same alphabet.

Mr. Grant starts shooting more and more photos, but for different reasons.

He makes calls and asks favors and claims work trips and has lawyers compile NDA for scholars all around the world. He is chasing a White Whale and he knows it. But chasing white whales is exhausting and draining and possibly dangerous.

And he won't put Cat through that if he can help it.

At first, when he showed them to the Metropolis Department of Linguistics, he did not think he would spend two years searching. More, actually.

No one recognizes it. And he feels dread for the first time since he had seen his little girl with blue and red fingertips.

The kid, they say, could be from one of those isolated tribes no-one have disturbed yet. _They will_ , they add a little bitterly. Man won't be happy until every terrain is mapped and every stone is turned.

Or he's simply some poor illiterate child. Probably no adult caring enough to teach him. He could learn, in time.

One, even suggest some kind of autism. Shows him articles and studies about rare cases of kids making up their own alphabet.

Few of them really take the time to recreate some pattern. But not enough to understand, without references to decipher it.

He returns home after yet another dismissal, another dead end, to find his daughter giggling into her arm.

"Look, Daddy, look!"

And he looks, as his baby girl draws a sticky figure, then another, circles them both together and draws some sort of arrow. Next to it, two sticky figures holding hand appear. And some strange diamond with some sort of S in it.

She looks at him like she has everything figured it out. Like she has found that damned Rosetta Stone.

He lets out a relieved breath and hugs her close. They will find a way. He feels hope again.

 

* * *

  

Kathrine Grant is officially fed up.

Her daughter, her supposed legacy, is almost nine, and keeps drawing sticky figures all over herself like some kind of retarded toddler.

And some savage boy, somewhere in some unmapped swamp, is doing the same. And at the most inopportune times, no less.

She wishes she hadn't let it come this far.

She has never been the one to tiptoe around any topic. If anything, she could be brash and reckless and just slam against whatever hindered her. But never, never, hesitating.

Still, the matter was taken out of her hands, when Cat was still few days old. And she had let it, back when it was supposed to be just fairy-tales and make-believes.

But no. Her husband, the foolish man, has kept indoctrinating the girl, until she turned out like some glorified version of who he wished he could have been as a child.

He has tainted her legacy.

And he is even trying to do more than that. He was going of some kind of delirious crusade to find the brat.

So, she's going to put a stop to this. One thing is lying about the trips he thinks she doesn't know about. The other is letting him destroy everything she stands for.

The breaking point doesn't come until there's almost nothing she can do to hide the fact her own daughter spends all her time pining over her soulmate. And she fights the flush of embarrassment as her daughter catches the attentions of her guests.

It was supposed to be an informal dinner among acquaintances. Powerful, rich and cultivated, acquaintances.

And then, those glyphs appear. Before everybody's eyes. And as if her having a soulmate isn't enough, let it also be known that her daughter, her namesake, is going to cavort with an uncivilized barbarian.

She stumbles through an explanation.

Had the language been known, she could have spun it as some exotic love. Something extraordinary. Even a little tragic. Emphasize how it still didn't mean anything.

But it isn't. And Katherine hasn't felt this frustrated since she has realized she was never going to stop aging.

 

* * *

  

It's not about Kitty.

Not really.

She hates the whole soulmates business. How it makes the people weak and mindless.

Even people with potential loose their will to strive. To become something more, to raise amongst their peers, to achieve success, fame and fortune for no one else but themselves.

Self-empowerment. And it can only truly reached dismissing the notion one's worth is unavoidably dependent to another person.

 _Worst_. To the existence of another person. The birth and the survival.

She admits, at least to herself, that enlightenment has not come cheap.

She had been 25 and thought her bondmate had not yet born. So many dreams, so much time.

She always remembers that feeling. The conviction of being able to defy oldness and subsequently death.

And, eventually, giving up on immortality only for love.

Because, when she is tired and a little tipsy, she can even admit that. she was kind of looking toward meeting him.

 _Non-sense_ , she would correct herself, once hangover.

Because, in the end, it is the promise of time she misses the most. And time is a luxury too many people throw away for the fabled soulmate.

She never understood people who didn't stall for more time.

Until she realized, she did not had it.

She had one normal lasting life and aspiration just a little too big.

The fact Fated love wasn't in the cards, didn't even hurt that bad.

Once, after the releasing of her first book, a reporter asked her how she took her loss. And she has given them the acceptable answer. How the death of a newborn is always a tragedy. How she has mourned the child more because of the life he could have led, the chances he had been robbed off. How the true loss was reserved to the surely heartbroken parents he left behind, than for the fact he was, supposedly, made for her.

Truth is, she feels no grief over some infant, dead before she even knew he was born.

But she does grieve the possibilities. The fortune a long life and a good plan could have given to her.

Because _that_ , she has truly known.

And now, she is doing what she can.

She is climbing higher everyday. She married into money. Gained powerful friends. She always keep connections wherever she goes. She writes books. Campaigns for free will over predestination.

And while there are people, many people, her husband included, that sees her as some spiteful, bitter spinster (even though she is married, to said husband, no less), she has been making a difference. Leaving her mark.

She is becoming the face of a raising movement. Filling a hole in today society. Trying to show people how much more they can achieve if they have nobody to distract them and enough backbone.

And _yes_ , she is also unintentionally helping the heartbroken, the irreversibly crushed romantics, to find their worth again. Some reason to go on. To _strive_.

The first time, she has wished for more time, after her revelation, was when her daughter was born.

Kitty was supposed to carry her legacy.

But no. She's practically born with marks all over her hands.

And she doesn't have enough time to explain to her child how it is a curse more than a blessing.

Worst, she release, much later, she doesn't actually have real power over her. Not with her husband gushing. Ruining all her work and the reputation she has built.

And investing so much. Taking secrets flights all over the world, checking with explorers,

She wished he had just taken a mistress.

 

* * *

  

"Is this what you want from life? Being the wife of some uncultured savage? Are you going to draw silly pictures or your life?" Katherine growls. "You're from different worlds. You can't love him. You can't even understand each-other."

Cat shifts her weight from a foot to the other. Another horrible habit she will have to eradicate from the girl. "We undertthand each other."

She snorts. She can't help it. She has to squash it. Whatever it is going to be. She has a responsibility. To the people she helped. To herself. "I see. Do you think he won't mind your atrocious lisp? Are you planning to just grunt and hiss and eat bananas?" She fakes a smile, but it's just a show of teeth. She's aware she's being cruel. But the girl has to learn. "Maybe he's not the only savage."

Her daughter scowls. "We care about each-other."

"How can you? How can he? You're in love with the idea. But the truth is, when you'll meet, if you meet and he manages to survive malaria or whatever plague he's rolling in, you will both be sorely disappointed. You're dreaming of some epic love story. Of greatness. While you'll never rise above average."

She watches her lips tremble, her fist clenching. This is the moment, she thinks. The moment she reveals herself for what she is. Does she have what it takes?

And then she sees it. The girl uncurls her fists slowly, relaxing her arms but pushing her shoulders back and raising her chin. She stands taller.

"Yes, mother." She pronounces the S correctly. And Mrs Grant fights to not raise an eyebrow. If it wasn't for the for the way her jaw clenched, for the ways Cat's staring at her in her eyes, she could have mistaken it obedience. But it's _defiance_.

And she can work with defiance.

 

* * *

 

Cat Grant is not stupid.

Nor is her soulmate.

They spent years to work around the language differences. She knows, now, the drawing of a heart makes no sense for her mate. Just like the strange diamond has no meaning for her.

Every symbol and representation of abstract concepts is lost in translation.

But what is tangible doesn't. Things which meaning is obvious because they portray more or less accurately objects you can see. That they both can see.

The first thing they found a common ground over, was the drawing of a stylized person. Head, body, limbs.

And that is the basis of their communication.

The second, is that the acknowledgment they were going to be together.

And that, is more than enough.

 

* * *

  

At nine, Cat learns that sometimes soulmates can hurt.

Her mother is very meticulous in assuring she understands that.

While her father, ofter out of town like her mother, is their biggest supporter. When he is home, he asks if he can see the photos she shoots, if she and her bondmate have reached some new understanding of each other. The answer is always yes. To both. And he lights up, never ceasing to make Cat smile, too.

And he tells her about how great they are going to be together, how fun they'll have to be learn each other's cultures once they finally meet.

Her mother, instead, reads her news. About newborn boys getting drowned by their own parents for a _Hello, I'm David_. on their skins. About people whose mate died in childbirth who commit suicide after realizing the aging progress hasn't stopped. About those who choose to never meet to live as long as possible. About the ones who's bondmate is abusive. Or mean. Or ugly. Or handicapped. Or, _God forbid_ , black or latino or of a totally different social status.

She tries to teach her about free will and not caring and how the most successful people do not marry their bondmate. No matter if they're aging or still biding their time. And on some level, statistics at hand, Cat understands it's not all rubbish.

Still, she could never push her person aside.

And she consciously choose to ignore her mother's warnings.

Because every time her mate draws on her, she doesn't care about the bad or the risks or rates of survival in third world countries or success. Not when she feels something in her chest expand. Something she has no name for. Like when she comes home from school and sees her father's coat in the foyer, just before rushing in his studio to check if it's really him. And he's really home. Only stronger. And surer. Because she knows, _she knows_ , they're out there. Waiting.

She just doesn't know the path to them. _Yet_.

So, it's sadly ironic when, the worst blow does not come from her mother.

It comes from Jessica Phillips, who's in her grade and usually sits on the far right in the row in front of her in every class they share. Cat sits on the center line.

And Mr Morgan. Her math teacher. Young looking, even if he tells the class, on the very first day, he is much older than he looks.

Cat doesn't care much for two digit multiplication, but she does learn a lesson.

And it's not about numbers.

It's in the way Jessica shoulders start hunching, how her eyes get duller and her sleeves are always long.

It's in the way she always looks afraid and tired.

It's in the way he stares at the girl.

How he makes her stay after school.

And then it's a big mess and everyone finds out and Mr Morgan gets dragged out by the police and Jessica looks so, so, _so_ lost.

And Cat learns words even her mother still hadn't taught her. Words about grown men and little girls and lack of consent and soulmates being cruel and remorseless and self-justified.

And she is so very scared.

But her father flies back home. And they are sitting on the couch in his studio and he is turning the page of the album of her skin-marks through the years.

"He is around your age, Kitty." He holds her closer. "And I'm sure he is just as scared as you are. There are very bad people. And they have soulmates, too." She nods and stares at her feet. "Hey, hey. Look at me. There are very good people, too. And there are people who are good then turn bad. Mr Morgan has been alone for a very long time. And sometimes, people get mean. But Cat. It's not going to happen to you. Nor to your person. You will keep each other good."

"Are you sure?"

"There's nothing I'm surer about." And he looks like he really is, so she smiles at him. "Now, go draw him something happy. It'll make you feel better."

It does.

But when Jessica, poor, lost Jessica, launches herself from the school's roof, Cat wishes she could really ask. _Just to check_.

Cat wishes for truths she could prove. Facts she could believe in.

 

* * *

  

Cat is ten when she realizes her soulmate may actually not be a _He_ , but a _She_.

The sticky figures get more detailed with time. She always draws herself with a nice dress and shoulder length hair. And her soulmate has long straight hair and some kind of refined tunic.

It doesn't really look girly.

And she does not know, at first, if the cultural difference are such that it's OK for a boy to wear a tunic and long hair. Until her soulmate draws the version that has they holding hands with two notable differences.

The first, is that they both appear taller. Making it obvious it's supposed to be their adult selves.

The second, is that she draws boobs.

On herself.

 _Boobs_.

And Cat is sure she knows she's herself. She always writes _Cat_ under her. And she writes her own name under hers, even though Cat doesn't understand the glyphs. And there's the clothes. And the hair. And she has never doubted her person knew how the ritual drawing works.

 _So, yeah_. Her mate, apparently, growing up, will develop boobs. Like a girl. She shakes her head. Like a woman.

Cat giggles. Because as much as it scares her, she's happy to know more. About her. Her. Her. Her. Her.

"My girl." She murmurs, in her empty bedroom, hidden beneath the covers.

It sounds right.

She snickers as she draw boobs on herself, too. Wishing so much she could see her mate expression.

She spends all night trying to picture a girl with long hair and a strange language on her tongue.

And _boobs_. Because the thought makes her giggle.

And Cat knows she has to keep a secret. She knows she can't photograph this.

So, she stares at the picture and she tries her hardest to record every detail in her brain.

She knows that sometimes, when there's too many boobs or not at all, people get hurt.

She chuckles.

 _Boobs_. Eh.

 

* * *

 

The first time it happens, Zor-El is very confused.

But the incidents are few and far between, so he hasn't given much thought.

Then they start to happen more and more.

He imputes it at his daughter artistic phase, at first, even when the strange symbols are, in all their incomprehensibility, very precise. Sometimes, too precise for a toddler. Too repetitive to be meaningless.

It keeps happening. And happening.

For a while, loosing all its integrity. Just curves and lines.

Then, slowly, evolving. And it does have its patterns, as if it is a language.

He consciously doesn't let himself dwell about it.

There are more urgent matters that needs his attention.

Like the newly discovered instability of the planet's core.

It doesn't occur to him the anomalies could be correlated until his own daughter explains it to him.

Kara is grinning, and pointing at the childish drawings appearing on her arms. "Look, Father. This is someone. And this is me. And here... we're together. That means we're going to be together, right?"

And he feels dread. He has read about this.

About a blue planet, light years away from their own, with its yellow sun and stable core and... Oh.

He understands, now.

He does not reply. Instead, he makes up an excuse and returns to the core's reading.

They may have less time than they thought.

When he brings it to the attention of the Science Council, his brother nods gravely at his suspicion.

He returns home. There's nothing they can do. And his wife cries at his words, refusing to accept comfort from anyone but her twin.

Astra's jaw clenches and her eyes harden.

For the first time, he resents knowledge.

 

* * *

 

Zor-El keeps going. Keeps his role on the Science Guild. Pretends he doesn't know it's all kind of futile. And in his free time, he perfects a one-person pod. His brother next to him.

Jor-El, who has just gotten married, _for Rao's sake_.

They are working on it when they hear Kara squeals of joy come from her room. Zor-El stiffens. He knows what it means, by now. He knows that Kara hoped to show the drawing to her Uncle and until that moment, the writings kept appearing while Jor-El wasn't visiting.

She rushes to them, still laughing, arm straight in front of her.

"Uncle! See, it's happening again. Father is not sure, but see! It's a real person, isn't it, Uncle? We're going to be together, one day, aren't we? That's what it means, right?"

Zor-El can't bring himself to watch.

"Yes, dear Kara." He hears Jor-El voice, soft and firm. As if he hasn't recently dismissed the chance to have a child of his own from the Codex. Refused to sire a child destined to burn with its planet. "Why don't you draw our family crest? Wherever this person is, they will recognize it."

His daughter grins, pure glee in her eyes. "Stronger together."

Rao, how is he going to explain her what all this actually means?

Zor-El feels his brother hand on his shoulder and he catches his gaze. "Stronger together."

This time, his words tremble, far from the confident tone he used before. And Zor-El recognizes the words, but not the sound.

 _Condolences_ , he realizes later.

 

* * *

 

Kara Zor-El knows she is different. Special. She has known it all her life.

She has raised easily among her peers. As the youngest member of the House of El she has both the genes and the responsibility to succeed.

To bring pride to her family.

Still, that is no reason to bloat or feel superior. It is her duty to reach her highest potential. Be outstanding.

She simply is.

What does make her remarkable, even for a member of the House of El, has nothing to do with academia, naturally inherited by her father. Or her mother's moral compass. It is not something she has worked hard to gain, like her acceptance in the Argo City Science Academy at eleven. Nothing that can be taught or gained.

It is a gift from Rao himself.

Kara is the only person on her planet to ever have this link. This unexplainable bond to another being, whose skin she shares.

It simply is.

She cherishes it. It brings her pride far greater than whatever success she could ever achieve. And it has nothing to do with family and duties.

It is hers.

It makes her feel special. The knowledge that somewhere, there is another special person waiting for her.

And how remarkable this person has to be, to be able cross who knows what distances through the marks of her own skin.

 

* * *

 

Kara _does_ get frustrated sometimes. When she wants to tell her silly anecdotes. Or can't manage to convey a message. Or when her father gets kind of distant. Or when her aunt gets arrested by her mother, her own twin, and the girl just doesn't understand _why_. When she wants to ask if it is her fault.

When she's sad and she really, really wishes her person could hug her.

She wonders if she could talk her about Astra or if she would just shake her head at her, like her mother does.

She knows something is wrong. She knows she does have a role in it. Not only because of the painful absence of her aunt. _I'm doing it for you, Little One._ , she has said, before leaving on all those secret missions. Or the sadness when her uncle has announced aunt Lara is pregnant.

 _Pregnant_.

And her father's arms had tightened protectively around her, as if this new development could harm her.

One day, when she really misses the way things were, she draws her family. Her mother and father. Writing their name above them. Aunt Astra. Uncle Jor. Aunt Lara with her full belly. Because no matter what people say, she is exhilarated about it.

Then she draw herself hand in hand with her person. Kara feels warm and happy every time she does. She pays special attention at getting her just right, even her funny clothes. On every chest, the crest of the House of El stands proud. Hers too. Because she is Kara's. And her daddy and uncle Jor said it was OK.

Red lips marks appear on her other arm. It's a new thing. One she had no problem understanding. She wets her lips in paint and do the same. It's another thing about her person that makes her feel really warm.

 

* * *

 

She finally, finally, really understands what it means, the weight and the price of being different, when she is being pushed in a almost too small pod.

_Protect Kal-El. Find your person. Be strong. Be happy._

But she wants to cry and scream and stay because her planet is going to explode and maybe being special isn't worth it. Meeting her person is not worth losing her entire family. Her entire planet.

And she tries to argue. Tries to stay. Because even one extra moment with her mom and her dad seems worth whatever fate her people may face.

But Kal-El. Wrapped in his blanket and already sent away...

She is a member of the House of El. She has duties and responsibilities.

And her cousin is her priority, now. And she promises.

_Protect Kal-El. Find your person. Be strong. Be happy._

The pod gets ejected and she bits on her lower lip until the skin breaks and the blood gushes out and she wonders if blood is the same as paint. It's instinct. A need of comfort. And she tries to press her lips on the back of her hand. It just smears.

 

* * *

 

When Cat wakes up, red on her lips and chin and wrist, she screams.

 


	2. Schrödinger's Kara

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhm... wow.
> 
> I can't believe so many people liked the Prologue and left kudos. I'm amazed, really.
> 
> You're great and you made my week. Wish I could hug you all!
> 
> Anyway, this chapter will be mostly Cat. I mixed informations between the DC's Cat Grant, Smallville's and, of course, Supergirl's, for the background story, or few things wouldn't have had sense.
> 
> Bakerline is the Metropolis equivalent to New York's Bronx. Why am I telling you this? Because I googled it and wanted to share.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy reading this chapter, as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> Ok, I kind of cried. But remember: crying isn't mandatory! It was never my intention and I'd be happier if you don't.

_"Waiting hurts. Forgetting hurts. But not knowing which decision to take can sometimes be the most painful..."_  
  _\- José N. Harris, MI VIDA: A Story of Faith, Hope and Love_  

 

_When Cat wakes up, red on her lips and chin and wrist, she screams._

 

* * *

 

 

It takes a week for the red to fade. But if she stares hard enough, she can still see it.

Cat doubts there will ever be a day when she'll be able to look at herself in the mirror and not see it. Even know, almost two months later, she can still trace the outline of the stain with her fingertips. Starting from the chin. Ending on her lips.

It should have been a kiss.

She doesn't even need a mirror anymore.

Her father looks at her with pity. She wishes he didn't.

She doesn't know how to tell him. She can't find the words to ask him to stop. Because she feels numb enough or angry enough, without his eyes reminding her of the moment he rushed into the bathroom, following her screams.

She can't forget his look of grim understanding. Or the excruciating and dreadful hours - _a full day?_ \- huddled together, waiting for a sign.

A reply. Another mark. Even more _red_.

But her person, her _girl_ , had not replied then. She still hasn't replied.

And he had looked so heartbroken, so disappointed. And she... she still hasn't found the words to make him to stop without hurting him further.

Cat tries not to cry. Tries to not lose hope. Tries to ignore what the smeared red means.

Or to think how every day will be like, now.

Her _whole_ life.

If she'll ever be able to breath without her chest hurting.

She hides in her room and _tries_.

No one comes to force her to get out. Or go to school.

Only her father comes in. With words she physically can't hear, a plate of food and eyes She. Can't. Stand.

Her mother is out of the city when it happens.

But when she does come back, she makes a beeline for her door.

A sharp rap on her door is more than sufficient to make Cat stand at attention.

She recognizes that knock. And she knows ignoring it will only make things worse later. But she can't bring herself to care.

"Meet me in my studio, dear."

It's her tone, so blasé and dispassionate, that makes Cat change her mind.

Her mother seems to be the only one unaffected by the grief that has taken over the household. Acting as if nothing happened.

And Cat misses that. Misses _normal_. Even if normal means another dressing down from her mother.

She finds her feet moving before she even realizes it. A mix of curiosity and dread coiling within her.

The girl half-heartedly wonders if she could take her mother gloating.

But then, no words could ever hurt as much as the truth itself.

By the time they walk into the studio, her fears are fully desensitized and Cat unemotionally takes her spot at the center of the room, facing the desk, feet planted firmly together, standing straight, hands behind her back.

She's in her battle stance.

She can take whatever her mother throws at her.

Every harsh truth. Every cruel word. Every triumphant smile.

She. Can. Take. It.

"Sit." Mrs. Grant orders.

Cat is taken aback, her assured facade disgracefully quick to crumble, just like that.

But she has never been asked to sit, before. Not in this room. And she shifts her weight, expression lost and confused, until her mother looks pointedly to the two armchairs in the corner, with the small table she has had sent from Singapore, between them.

She complies, her knees already weak.

And she can't help the thoughts spiraling in her mind. The now familiar weight on her chest. The knot in her throat.

This is not _normal_. This is not regular. It is only happening because... because...  Because.

She feels her own fingertips again her chin, tracing the well-known pattern on their own accord while she fights to not zone-out, to keep breathing, to stop trembling.

When she comes to, her head is between her knees and she blinks several times before raising her gaze to meet her mother's, already seated in the other chair.

She looks as impassive as always, as she picks a glass she must have deposited on the table while Cat wasn't looking. Before pushing the other towards her daughter.

Ice and scotch. Cat knows the smell and she stares at the glass for a full minute, as her mother sips on her own.

Mrs. Grant is still cold, all hard edges poking at her daughter. But... There's no pity. No words of reassurance. Just silence. And Cat feels some kind of relieved gratitude she has never associated with her mother before.

She drinks.

 

* * *

 

 

 _Life is short, for people like us_ , her mother explains one day. _So, you'd better leave a mark. And make it good._

And it's the only advice her mother ever gave her that Cat actually listens to.

She studies hard. And works harder. And mingles with all the right people. And never, _ever_ , looks at girls. Girls are trouble she can't afford. It may have been worth. For _her_. But not now. Not anymore.

She snorts and chokes on the tears she won't allow to to fall, when it's actually a man that puts her in trouble. They're both 23. Fresh out of college. And she knows he has somebody waiting. Even if he pretends it doesn't matter.

Still, she makes a baby. And in a way, he is a mark. A beautiful, happy, giggling mark.

And every night, when she returns home from the Daily Planet, from an office full of stinky, conceited white men who believe they have a right to stare and touch and belittle her, she breathes him in. Revels in his baby smell. She allows herself these tiny moments, while he's sleeping and everything is peaceful. Before slipping in the bed with a turned back fluctuating just as evenly, ignoring the black pen on his bedside table.

They both slips through her fingers.

Of course.

It lasts fifteen months, and she's back at square one.

A part of her has always known it was temporary. That what she had wasn't hers to keep. It still hurts, when she loses it.

And she lets herself fall stoically in the safety net of her rising career.

Well, if coffee runs for Perry White and writing the odd article for the gossip column here and there, can be considered such.

She still plays at investigative journalist after-hours, instead of going home, following empty trails.

In retrospect, it's probably what Adam's father could never forgive her. It's what makes him so vindictive in the custody battle.

And when she meets the girl, the stuttering eighteen years old who is ready to become Mrs. Foster and raise a child who Cat doesn't get to call her own, she can't bring herself to resent her.

Cat gives them money, instead. More than child support obliges. And she knows they'll be alright, even if it destroys her.

She may have lost her chance, but she could never forget how it feels to be empowered by a promise of love.

And she can already see how happier they look together. It's the family Adam deserves. There's no place for her. Never was.

She draws two people on her forearm, when her house is quiet again. Two girls, as she remembers them. As they are shown on the albums her father helped put together when she was still happy. Still hopeful. When she could still care and knew how to show it.

She tries not to break.

She fails.

 

* * *

 

She pushes herself harder. She's the first in the office and the last to leave. Sometimes, she does things she's not proud of. She cheats and flirts and trips her coworkers because nothing is more important than to write her name under a good story. Not anymore.

There's not much left of herself. Of the little girl drawing on her forearm, seated on her father's knees.

He's gone, too, after all. Not long after her mate's disappearance.

And she carries the guilt of having spent their last year together avoiding him, never meeting his gaze, until the very end.

 _I'll take care of him._ He had murmured, eyes already closed. _Her._ , she had corrected quietly. And he had sighed serenely, _Her, then_.

He had died with those words on his lips, taking her confession with him.

Her father, her soulmate and her childhood had been lowered in the same grave. In the same recess of her mind.

In the years, she has had other things, other people, other feelings, buried there.

She adds a son. The illusion of a family.

Ultimately, only her need to leave a imprint remains. She won't walk out of this world quietly, as if she's never even existed at all.

And if people think she's climbing the ranks through unsavoury ways, she just doesn't care. Because her journalist ethics are rock solid and she's prepared to work long and hard to be the best reporter in the newsroom. And while they can't prove rumors, everybody who's ever seen her at work, knows _this_ about Cat Grant.

She also learns to ignore the utter surprise in their faces when they realize it.

 

* * *

 

 

She's thirty, when she realizes, she actually stopped aging five years before.

She does not understand how it is possible and she makes appointments with every specialist in the field. They all reply the same. _You are not aging_. Some suggest her soulbond could be in a coma, lying in some clinic bed. And that _medically_ there's nothing wrong with Cat.

But the news of a seventeen years-long coma doesn't really fill her with hope.

She's not going to look for the shell of the woman she was supposed to love.

It just means that while destined to be alone, it bought her some few years.

She's out there. Breathing. Probably hooked on who knows how many machines. And it's preventing Cat from aging.

She almost wishes it was some sort of cancer, slowly killing her, instead.

 

* * *

 

 

Cat gasps when she sees it. Her sight blurs and she falls on her knees and everything hurts and she's crawling on broken concrete.

She doesn't care about the mayhem and the destruction around her.

Not when it is calling her like a beacon.

The diamond. _With the S_.

 

* * *

 

 

" _Please_." Cat whispers. The word unfamiliar on her lips.

"No, Grant. I'm not giving you the chance to steal this exclusive from me."

She shakes her head until she feels dizzy. She can't believe she's begging _fucking_ Lois Lane for this. "It's not for an article." She assures. And her voice sounds kind of wobbly. _Are you crying?_ She doesn't care. "It's... I..."

The younger woman stops staking files on her desks and looks at her, her rage a little deflated. "What?"

"I know his symbol." Cat manages to say. "I've known it since... I was a child. And... I need to know."

"You want to know what it means?" She asks, confused. "He said it was something about Hope."

Cat shakes her head faster than before, trying to collect her thoughts, looking for the best way to explain herself. "I need to know... what happened to a little girl I used to know."

 _God_ , she sounds broken. And that's not what she wanted to say. At all. She gave too much away. And Lois is looking at her with pity. Cat knows she's waiting for her to drop the facade. Or to add something else to her request. She doesn't know which, but now that the words are out, she needs to own them.

So she stands her ground, even as she feels the crushing weight of all her shattered dreams.

"I'll ask him to pay you a visit." The reporter concedes, finally.

Cat tries to not choke as she keeps down a sob.

And Lois awkward comes closer, probably to offer some kind of physical comfort.

Cat flinches and flees the room.

 

* * *

 

 

"I have been told you were asking for me."

He's hovering outside the window of her ratty Bakerline apartment, arms crossed like some kind of genius. It's only been few hours.

Cat nods. She doesn't dare to speak with this half-god until she's sure her voice won't crack.

She grabs her most cherished possession, caresses the leather cover reverently and hands it to him. He needs to understand he has to be careful with the old photo album.

The hero stiffens when he opens it. And the change in his attitude gives her a ounce of strange satisfaction.

It's full of characters only he can possibly understand.

And she doesn't doubt he does, not when his expression is so open. So full of pain.

But after a minute, she can't stand to watch the grief in his eyes, as he turns page after page. She gets herself a glass and fills it with her strongest Scotch. She doesn't bother herself with the ice.

"How...?" He sounds hesitant. As if he is still not sure this is not some kind of trick, a blackmail attempt.

She takes a moment, absentmindedly wiggling the glass in her hand before placing it on the cheap coffee table. She closes her eyes, then, drawing a deep breath. "She was supposed to be mine."

Cat hears his breath catch. Can hear him fumbling with his hands. Not a God. Just a boy. "It's you." He says, finally, and he sounds completely awed.

She looks sharply up at him.

"She... She was my cousin. I think." Her heart twists at the past tense and the uncertainty in his voice. "And... when I asked why I was sent here. On Earth, the... A.I. I was sent with said it was because a Kryptonian had showed signs of having a human soulmate. It was her. And it was you."

"Sent from where?" And she can't help but think about the rumors surrounding him. Lex Luthor's spiels about extraterrestrial invaders.

"Krypton. It was... my planet. I was sent here as a baby. No older than few months."

She nods. _Of course_. An alien. She should have known. "What happened to her?" She asks, because, yes, her soulmate may be an alien. But she doesn't care. Not in the slightest.

He sits on the couch, next to her. Takes off his ridiculous cape. And he looks fully human. Nothing really special about him. She wonders which features he shares - _shared_ \- with his cousin. "I don't know. But my planet died. The day I was sent here, my planet collapsed."

She feels as if every single bone in her suddenly splintered. Yet again. And she wonders how many times a person can break. "What happened to her?" She repeats. She needs to hear the words.

"I really don't know. I though I was the last one. But, Cat, she _has_ to be alive. You... you're not aging. And if she's alive somewhere, I swear, I'm going to find a way to bring her here." He looks so young and earnest and eager to help.

And she can't stop herself from crumbling in front of him. Because hope is cruel and it hurts like nothing else in this world. He lets her fold against him, sob against his chest.

He's patient with her, in such a boy-scout way, she would have found it humorous in any other circumstance.

And when she's close to regaining her composure, she takes a whiff of his body odor and realizes he doesn't smell like other humans.

Her mate must have had the same unusual scent, too.

She cries harder.

Later, when she's truly done, he dares to ask, sounding as small as a young man can. "Do you... do you want me to read to you what she has written?"

She nods eagerly against his shoulder. She has waited so long for this. And while she knows it'll probably change nothing. Not how she felt back when they were kids. Not how she feels every day since the girl disappearance, she's deeply grateful to the boy.

Even if she almost snorts when he takes off his boots and he actually puts his arm around her, like they're settling in for family album time.

She supposes it can be considered as such.

"Here." He says, showing her a photograph. "That's her name. Kara. Kara Zor-El."

Kara.

Kara Zor-El.

Her mate's name is _Kara_.

Names are powerful things.

And this name - _Kara_ \- has the strangest effect on her heart.

A name that embodies every single thing she has ever dared to dream, no matter how unattainable it is.

She mouths the words few times. Kara. Kara. Kara. Kara. _Kara_. Before whispering. "Kara."

Superman beams at her. "And this... it's our family crest. Our coat of arms. It means Stronger Together." He grins. "You're wearing it too. It means we are family, after all."

Cat snorts at his goofy antics.

"No, really. Here she is saying she has actually asked my father, the head of the House of El, if she could. Being adopted in the House of El was a great privilege. It was pretty close to what here we would call... a Royal House."

"My... mother used to call him my savage boy. And you're telling me she was practically a princess..."

He beams, indicating the family portrait. "See... this is all our family. This is her father, Zor-El. And her mother. Alura. I don't know who this Astra is. But she is an aunt. And this symbols... she must have been a General. And these are my parents. Jor-El and Lara. And here I am." He exclaims, almost giddy. "She wrote little Kal-El." He smiles. "Kal-El. That's me." He points over what must be Cat. "It says my person."

She sighs burrowing herself further into his half-embrace. "I miss her." She whispers. It's the first time she has said it aloud.

He looks serious again. "On Krypton... soulmates didn't exist. But Cat... what you two have done. The way you learnt to communicate... you explained it to her. And she explained it to her people. It's the reason I've been sent here. You two made it possible. And wherever Kara is... we'll bring her home. It's time I repaid you two."

Kal-El raises his sleeves. The words _When are you coming home, Smallville_ are obviously mirrored on his forearm.

 _Lois Lane_ , Cat thinks. _Clark Kent_.

She's about to blurt it out, before the words _Little Kal-El_ stops her. This is little Kal-El. _Kara_ 's little cousin.

Instead, Cat trails the words gently. "I'm glad you have someone." She says sincerely. "Saving lives can be stressful."

"It's all thanks to you, Cat. You and her. Every life I save, it's because I've had the chance. And you two gave it to me. I'm going to find Kara."

She ignores his promises. She wouldn't be able to survive if she allows herself to believe them, only to be let down later on. "She would have been glad." She turns the album's page to the photo of a specific drawing. In it, there's a pregnant woman and a man. The strange arrow and then the same man with the not-anymore-pregnant woman holding a child. "I may not have known the words she wrote. Or even her name. But I knew her. She has loved you since you were born."

"And you. Kara loved you. And she knew you, too. You'll be together one day. And you'll fall in love again."

"I could never let her go." Cat admits in a whisper, a fist against her chest and the other hand gripping the cover of the album.

 

* * *

 

 

Clark Kent knew about Krypton. Knew about its red sun, its govern, its glyph and, most importantly, its fate.

But every time he comes out as an alien to a new person, he always adds how he has always lived on Earth. How the only thing he did on Krypton was being born.

And he has been lucky on Earth. Happy. Maybe more happy he would have been on Krypton as a child who was not born from the Codex.

He has never really missed it. Grieved for it.

Until he met Cat Grant. Not the Cat Grant. But a Cat Grant who was promised all Krypton secrets, who was accepted in a family he has no memories of, who has grieved his planet destruction and its young victim before he even knew he had lost it.

Cat _misses_ her. His cousin. Kara. In a way he could never bring himself to miss anything about Krypton and its citizen. Not even his Birth parents.

But most of all, he feels guilty. Wondering if he hasn't actually stole her pod. If she was the one destined to land on Earth.

He hides the doubt making promises he isn't sure he can keep.

 

* * *

 

 

He goes to Lois first. Lets her know he will go away for few days.

She's angry, as he expected her to be. "You were with her for five hours. You reek of her perfume."

He shakes his head, softly. "She's family. I didn't know. But she's family. Do not..." He wonders if he can actually forbid Lois to do anything. And he knows the answer. So he changes his wording. "Please. She gained the right of this symbol before I was even born."

She blinks, taken aback. "So she wasn't lying." She narrows her eyes. "Does she have superpowers, too?" She sounds envious.

He shakes his head. "It's not the only way to gain it."

"What has she done? Married into it? _Bought_ it?"

He tries to keep his face neutral. He fails.

"Clark..." She starts slow, as if afraid to spook him, in that tone she uses when they're alone. When everything he says it's off the record, because she's asking as his soulmate, not as an investigative reporter interested in the new scoop.

He relents. He always does. "I was not always the last of my race." He takes a deep breath. "And you were not the first to share the bond with a Kryptonian." A pause. He needs her to understand. "Hers just never... really made it on Earth."

He can see her soften at her words. And he recognizes the woman he fell for in the late hours at the office, before even realizing she was the girl he had spent years writing to.

"Not a word on this, Lois. She's gone through enough. And she's actually the reason I was sent on Earth. There was no one on my planet with the bond. _No one_. But Cat's mate. And I don't know if my parents would have considered sending me here if not for her. If Cat hadn't managed to explain the bond to them."

Lois nods and he feels relieved. "Where is she?"

"Cat?"

"No." She waves her hand in dismissal. "Her mate. She spoke about a little girl."

"Kara." He whispers with devotion. Because now that he knows what they have done for him, he will always feel grateful. He won't let that name be forgotten among the list of Krypton dead.

Lois nods solemnly. "Kara." She repeats. Before pursing her lips, like when she tries to be considerate and not just blurt out a question. "Cat is not really aging, is she?" And then does it anyway.

"She isn't. But I don't know where Kara is." He bits his lower lip, already looking defeated. "She could be anywhere in space. I don't know how to look for her."

"You'll find a way, Smallville."

Clark isn't so sure. For all the promises he made to Cat, he truly doesn't have the faintest idea of where Kara could be. But he'll have to try. He owns them that. And he'll try his damnedest to find the girl.

Lois grabs his hand, rousing from his thoughts. "Clark. You will."

He lets her unshakable faith wash through him. Lets it empower him.

He will.

 

* * *

 

 

He _does_ find her.

Maybe.

At first, he's just relieved to find out he didn't stole her pod. She had her own. She left Krypton just after him.

But... she never landed. He pulls navigation maps. Considers the planets between Krypton and Earth. Meteor showers that could have taken place. Electromagnetic fields. Even entertains thoughts about mysterious space pirates he has no proof of.

It takes him months to take the blast from their exploding planet in count.

He feels dread. The vivid weight of failure. The Phantom Zone. And it would explain... everything.

How she's still alive. Why she'll never land.

And... he knows he can't pull anybody out of it. That even if he could find a way to get in, he wouldn't know how to get out.

He can't risk everything on a hunch.

He wishes he was more selfless. Wonders if his cousin would have.

 

* * *

 

 

He flies to Cat. This time in National City.

And he tells her everything. Not about his cowardice. But about the pod, the blast, the Phantom Zone. He explains to her what it is. He tells her she may land, one day. Or not.

He gives her a module. A way to learn Kryptonese. If Kara was to land too far in the future. "She will need you. Not a day will be passed for her. And she'll wake up on an unknown planet."

" _Maybe_." Cat grits out. "Maybe she'll land. Or maybe she won't. I can't wait for her forever. For some kind of Schrödinger-cat soulmate. It would kill me." She whimpers, as in pain, hugging herself like a scared child. "It is already killing me." She whispers.

"Cat-" She throws a glass at him, then. All rage and fire. He lets it hit him.

"I can't... I'm stuck, Kal-El. I'm stuck in this world where my... Kara is both alive and dead. I may never see her. I may never see the color of her eyes. Or the way she smiles. And... I'm just supposed to go on like she's just around the corner when she's lost in a timeless prison zone!"

"I understand, but-"

"Don't." She cuts him off. "Don't."

"Cat..." He trails off, his arms falling to his sides.

"Don't try and tell me you understand, Kal-El." She sounds hollow and she's staring unblinkingly at him. "You can't even begin to understand how it feels. She's been ripped from me. Just like that." She snaps her fingers. "Then I had to live knowing she was breathing, but probably as a vegetable somewhere. And it was hard. But at least it didn't change anything. Not really. But you... you made me _hope_."

She utters the word with such a disdain, he actually flinches.

"And while I expected that hope to be crushed... while I was ready for it, this..." She shakes her head. "This never-ending circle of hope and despair..." Her breath hitches, and he can't look anymore.

He stands still, facing her but with eyes unfocused. She never finishes her sentence, rocking herself back and forth, her skinny arms around her own body.

He feels apologies bubble in his throat, but he doesn't dare to speak them aloud.

"Leave. Just... leave."

He does. He leaves the module with her and flies through the window.

 

* * *

 

 

Cat Grant has not signed up for this.

For Kryptonese lessons from an A.I. that Superman has given to her on the off-chance her mate comes and Cat has outlived him.

Outlive Superman. And just about anybody else.

 

* * *

 

 

She pretends she isn't really learning Kryptonese. Not with a purpose. She pretends it is an afterhours hobby. Something to do deep in the night, to help her with a self-diagnosed insomnia she does not suffer from.

Part of her likes being tired. Too tired to actually feel.

And when she really wants to feel something, she base-jumps Kilimanjaro with a older looking man who's actually younger than her.

She's pretending to be happy. And she works hard to realize every dream that doesn't have Kara in it. She's building CatCo. Her mark. Her _legacy_.

She pretends her life is short and not impossibly long. She rushes into anything.

She's free. She's not scared of death anymore. She's not scared of immortality either.

And she gets pregnant again. She pretends it's an accident and she's not filling any void. She won't let this one slip.

She whispers Kryptonese as she feels her baby moving. She wonders if Kara had wanted children. She never got to discuss it with her.

She dismisses the thought.

It not like it even matters.

 

* * *

 

 

Cat is 36, obviously pregnant but still working on the Tribune issue due the following day, when her fingers stains black. Her breath catches.

Cat looks, fascinated, at the lines forming on her arm. She recognizes the stylizated drawing before it is completed. Two stick people. A circle around them. Then an arrow.

She smiles and closes her eyes.

The wait, that only a minute before seemed incalculably long, is over.

Her hand trembles as she traces the black pen mark. Trembles harder as she grabs her pen to reply. The design is simple and familiar. A little circle, for the head, five lines for body and limbs. Another circle. Another five lines. No space between where the hands should be.

She draws the familiar diamond with the S next to them. Reverently, now that she knows its meaning.

Kara - because it has to be _Kara_ \- draws something that looks like a smashed watermelon. And some sort of capsule with a person in it. And a man with the El's family crest, fist in front of him and a cape. A small figure next to him.

Cat laughs. She can't help it. She knows the girl is telling her about her planet. About a loss she can't even imagine to comprehend. But she's safe. Kal-El has her. And she's here.

She's also crying. She can't help it either. A lifetime curse lifted from her soul just as easily as it has been cast.

Cat replies in clear Krytonian characters. _I'm sorry about Krypton_. Because she is. As much as she's happy she's here and not floating in space she's sorry the girl, her girl, has already lost so much. _Welcome on Earth, Kara. I missed you._

This time, as she raises her hands to her face to trace the invisible stain, she starts from her lips.

And her fingers still there. They have forgotten where else they were supposed to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, I was going to explain the title.
> 
> Then, I realized you are probably all big nerds like me. :P
> 
> I still wish I could give a big hug to each of you.


	3. The Price Of Magic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the kudos and the comments and oh, my Rao, I can't believe people are actually reading it.
> 
> You guys are making my day... Practically every day.

_"I loved a woman whose beauty Like the moon moved all the humming heavens to music till the stars with their tiny teeth burst into song and_

_I fell on the ground before her while the sky hardened and she laughed and turned me down softly, I was so young."_  
_- Peter Meinke_

 

* * *

 

  
The first thing Kara notices, as the small pod opens on its own, is yellow.

Yellow light so intense, she can see it even with her eyes closed. Burning her eyes, every time she tries to look directly into the source.

_Did she made it on Earth?_

_Did her planet really-_

She can't finish the thought, instead she holds her head in her hands for a minute.

She feels like she's been crying for the longest time.

She also knows she can't stall. Not until she finds Kal-El. No matter how heavy her legs feel or how hollow her chest.

She wipes the pulverized russet crust on her lips and takes a deep breath of the strange air before trying to climb out of the pod.

She freezes and falls back on her seat as a shadow shields her from the bright light.

And here he is.

A man, with the House of El coat of arms on his chest, looking so remarkably like both their fathers, she has no doubt of who he is. No matter how much she wishes she could deny it.

And yet, he can't be _him_ , can he?

But his gaze is kind, with the softness of Aunt Lara's eyes and he's offering his hand with a reassuring smile.

She takes it.

The smile she receives in response is just as familiar.

"I'm Kal-El." He introduces himself. His accent is atrocious. But the meaning is not lost.

This is _Kal-El_.

This _grown man_ is Kal-El.

She wants to ask how it is possible, part of her wants to throw a tantrum and tell him he can't be _him_. That he is a fake.

But she knows it'll be futile. She can feel it in her bones. Instead, she blurts out: "You look like our fathers."

And she looks away. Because he is like this planet sun. It hurts when Kara looks directly at him. Her eyes burn just the same.

"I'm Kara." She adds. Because maybe he doesn't even know who she is.

He beams. "Welcome to Earth, Kara. We were waiting for you, dear cousin."

She's a little relieved at his words. But she still needs to know. "What happened?"

The man scratches his neck and Kara tilts her head at the strange mannerism. "Your pod got stuck in the Phantom Zone." He replies.

 _Oh_.

The Phantom Zone. She got lost. "How long?" Her voice trembles a little.

"24 years."

She does not know how long a year lasts on Earth. But she does not need to. Not when her cousin is proof enough: Kara is late. Too late.

Kal-El has grown up without her. He's a stranger.

She can't shake the feeling she shouldn't be on Earth. At all.

She should be with her family. Wherever they are now.

She didn't even want to leave in the first place. She was ready to die with her planet. Terrified, yes. Devastated, sure.

But it was where she belonged.

She doesn't have a place on Earth.

Only a mission. Protect Kal-El.

Now that she knows it has all been for nothing. That he doesn't need her...

She should have never left.

"Are you happy?" She manages to ask. "Here on Earth?" She specifies.

He lights up, and the girl has her answer before he even starts speaking. "Yes, Kara. And you will be to. Earth is beautiful."

"I'm glad." She can't say more. She won't be able to breath if she does. She can't even explain how she isn't glad about Earth apparent beauty.

She's glad him growing up without her hasn't ruined his life. That he has built one, even without her.

Probably because she wasn't there to make a mess of things.

She should have stayed on Krypton.

She lets him guide her down a hill. She will have questions, maybe later. But for now, she can't bring herself to fully take in what is happening. Fully care about where they are going. Or the alien environment around her, now that her eyes are finally getting accustomed to the brightness.

Instead, she turns to her most consistent source of comfort.

And panics.

There's no trace of ink on her arms for the first time in her life since she was a toddler.

It has been 24 years. Is she still out there waiting?

Kal-El must understand, must know, because he just smiles at her. "You can write to her soon."

And Kara can feel her heart jump a little. A flicker of hope making its way through the mind numbing experience of having lost everything else. "Do you know her? Is she from here?"

"Yes." He laughs. She likes his laugh. "And yes."

Her eyes grow wide. "Really? Have you met her?"

He nods, the corners of his mouth still upturned in a gentle grin. "She's really pretty."

She smiles at that, still touching her blank arms. "I know."

Kal-El laughs louder. "I can see why she likes you so much." His eyes soften. "You're really made for each others, aren't you?"

Kara stares at him, not really understanding the meaning behind his words. "Rao bound us."

He seems satisfied with her words, if his smile can be read like uncle Jor-El's. "He did."

"When can I meet her?"

He looks away at her question, looking suddenly sad. "Not for a while, big cousin."

She can feel herself scowling. "Why not?"

"Ah... I'll explain it at your new home. Come. They will have something you can use to write at her."

 

* * *

 

 

She _flies_. Her cousin can fly and she will be able too, one day.

But for now, she's in her little cousin strong arms and she flies.

And everything is so strange here.

He talks to her and she nods against his chest. Explains few things about Earth, like its lakes and its blue sky and yellow sun and he promises they are going to talk more later.

He introduces her to some humans. Tells her this is her family, now.

She feels like she's betraying her own parents. But she stays quiet and just nods.

After all, he's trying to give her a place on this planet.

She can't tell him it's pointless. She already has a place and it's in Rao's light.

It wasn't the Phantom Zone... _Earth_ is the real detour.

But he looks so sure and so earnest, she forces herself to try.

Rao is patient. He will wait for her.

These people are talking to her. Their Kryptonese is even worse than Kal's, but they seem nice.

She only nods.

And then they are talking to each other in a language she does not understand and she can't help but feel so very alone and out of place and hug her left arm to her body.

She wants her person.

And Kal-El to stay.

And the girl who keeps staring at you from the upper level to come down, because they have told her she was going to be her sister and Kara has never had one, before. And before _going_ , she wants to know how it feels.

The man with the funny beard catches her gaze and smiles at her. She tries to smile back but probably fails.

And then he's nudging at the kind looking woman and she nods and smiles and she comes back with a small cylinder, before leading you in a strange room. "Your room", she says. "Privacy."

She leaves and Kara can't decide if she's sad or relieved about it, and she glances down to the slim object.

She waves it around. And shakes it. And pokes her arm with it.

But before Kara can understand how the strange thing in her hand works, Kal-El comes in.

He looks amused and he gestures to give it to him. As soon as she does, he takes off part of the cylinder and writes on his own arm, before handing it back to her. "Pen." Kal states, pointing at it. "Pen."

"Pen." She repeats and the language feels so alien. But, she admits, it's a cool object.

"It's a ink dispenser." Kal-El explains in Kryptonese. "So you can write to your person. Or write on... paper." The last word is in the strange Language, as if he didn't know the Kryptonian equivalent.

"Paper?"

"Dead trees."

She smiles a little and looks down at her shoes. "You're jesting me, Kal-El."

He grins. "Just write to her, Kara."

The girl nods and looks down her arm. As much as she couldn't wait to write to her, she's kind of nervous.

Kara doesn't know what to write. She wants to tell her so much. But first of all, she wants her to know they are on the same planet.

But they have not written to each other for 24 of this Earth years, at least for her person.

"What are you worried about?"

"What if she doesn't want to write back?" She asks, and her voice sounds small even to her own ears. "She's old, now. We were going to grow old together. And I left her alone for so much time."

Kal-El smiles softly at her and sits down on the bed, patting the space next to him.

And he explains how everybody on Earth has a person. The two adults downstairs are each other's. How people stop aging at 25, unless they meet. How her person has known she was alive but lost. How worried she was. How, only when the time is right, they will meet. Because it is bad form to meet your person when one is a child and the other is an adult. How they can't share certain information like where they live or their full names.

Kara takes it all in. But she's disappointed over the last part.

It all seems so unfair.

"We were supposed to meet when we were both children." She states. Because it is the truth. It was part of her mission. Of her last promise. _Find your person._ , her parents had ordered. "When you were still a _baby_." She continues. Because that part hurts, too. "I... I was going to take care of you. Protect you. Teach you about Krypton. And maybe she would have helped me. I would have told all about our planet. And she would have taught me about Earth. And we would have been together." She takes a deep breath. "Not... _this_!"

The cylindrical obj - the pen - breaks in her hand. Her fingers rapidly stains black.

"She has helped me." He whispers and for a moment Kara is afraid she has hurt him. Disappointed him. "She helped me understand Krypton and its people. She showed me your drawings and the things you wrote to her."

"I came here for you two." Kara shakes her head. "Instead, I have to stay here. Without either of you. Why am I here, Kal-El?"

"I'm sorry, Kara. But it's for the best. You'll be safe. The Danvers, this family, they'll take good care of you. And when you grow up, you can go to her. And I'll visit, ok? I'll come here tomorrow."

Kara nods, the burst of anger not entirely subsided, her fingers still clenching around the broken pen.

"Let me get you another one." He vanishes for a moment, then he's back. "She will notice the black fingers." He says, his smile unwavering, before leaving her alone.

She knows what to draw, now.

What she does not expect, is her replying in Kryptonese. And Kara sobs at the characters because she has dreamed of this moment. The moment when they could really talk. When they could tell each other everything about their respective life. And their worlds.

And maybe she does not have a place on Earth.

But a part of her has never been anywhere else.

_I'm so glad we can finally talk._

_We've always understood each other, Kara. You're my person._

 

* * *

 

 

Kal-El knocks on the door, this time. No hovering out of windows.

He's in his Clark Kent attire and wearing his broadest smile.

When Cat Grant opens the door, she's smiling too. She throws her arms around him and melts in relief.

He stiffens.

"You're pregnant." He blurts out.

And Cat can hear the betrayed tone. But she isn't going to be ashamed of it. Of her own baby. She is not going to bend. And she isn't going to let Clark ruin this for her.

She is pregnant. Kara is finally, finally, _here_.

The future is bright and full of promises.

"Why are you pregnant?" He asks dumbly.

"I'm pretty sure you know how it works." She replies dismissing. "Tell me about Kara."

"She's a kid, Cat. She's 13." His eyes light up and she ignores the slightly exasperated edge in his tone. She nods quickly, instead, eager to learn more. "She couldn't wait to write to you. Panicked as soon as she noticed her arms were blank."

Cat sighs happily, tracing the glyphs under her sleeves. "She... wrote to me. Like we used to."

"Yeah... she... God, Cat, couldn't you have waited a year more?"

"Excuse me?" She snaps. _He is not going there, is he?_

"How... how am I supposed to explain this to her?"

Her expression hardens. And she feels angry. Because this is Kal-El. He's her friend. He's _family_. And she has not predicted to have to fight for them with him. "You are not supposed to explain anything to her. Not when it comes to us."

"Am I supposed to behave like this changes nothing?"

"Yes. Because it doesn't. I got careless. And pregnant. And this regards only me. And some day, Kara, if she wishes so. But you'll have to trust us. And trust me to have both Kara's and my child's best interests at heart."

His stance changes and he folds his arms, like a chastised child who still thinks he's right. "You know I can't let you get near her. She's a kid, Cat. And you have a kid on the way. It's not fair to her."

"Right. I suppose another decade of waiting is nothing at this point, uh?"

The frustrated sarcasm goes right over his head. Or he just ignores it. "More, if necessary. Much more, if you have a kid." He sighs. "Don't you want her to be young? Decide if she wants children or not? You know... her best interest?"

And part of Cat knows he's right. Knows there's a chance Kara would feel just as betrayed as he sounds.

But she won't listen to it. Not today.

"Listen, Clark Kent," She spits his name like an insult, "you'll stay out of this. I mean it. I've spent my whole life hoping for this chance. And I will not let you stop me."

"But she-"

"I won't take advantage of a teen, Kal-El." She snorts, shaking her head. "Seriously, what kind of monster do you think I am? I'll give all the space she needs. All the time. But as soon as she's done growing up, as soon as she's ready, I'll do just about anything to finally hold her."

 

* * *

 

 

When Jeremiah had asked her if she was ok with adopting a Kryptonian teenager refugee, Eliza had accepted instantly.

Her reasons had not been all noble. But she was eager to repay the Superhero, sure... but she was also getting the chance of a lifetime. The chance to observe a Kryptonian through puberty.

A female specimen. One born from the Codex Kal-El had talked about. One that had experienced Krypton.

She had expected a younger Superman.

Maybe more stony-hearted and rationally inclined. A stoic member of the Thinker's Guild.

Instead, on her doorstep, there was a frightened girl, nervously touching her own arms and obviously in need of the comfort only home could bring.

Just a girl.

Superman was the man of steel. The man with the unwavering confident reassuring smile, untouched by the horrors of this world like a benevolent God who, while eager to be of assistance, could never truly feel the hurt.

Even in his darkest moments, he irradiated strength and power.

His faraway looks, and sometimes ridiculous poses, conveyed optimism and a proud protectiveness.

But this girl, this child... knows pain and she's confused by it.

Eliza can see it in her eyes.

In the way she stares at nothingness, so lost and looking for answers that could make sense to her.

How, when the girl does make eye contact, her eyes are filled with wariness and vulnerability and a hint of desperate hope.

And it's all so very human.

She's a little girl who lost everything but one thing. And she clings to her own body, her own written skin, because it's the only physical representation of the only person she has not truly lost. And she thanks every deity she does not believe in that whoever this woman is, has found the strength to wait for the young alien.

Eliza swears this child will not have to endure more pain. Not here. Not on this planet.

She will give her every bit of goodness she has to offer.

She may not be Alura, but Eliza will try to be the mother the girl needs. The best mother she could ever be.

She will keep her safe. And fed. And warm. And happy. And uninvolved in this world violent struggles.

Kara will not be another Superman.

 

* * *

 

 

Cat ends up telling Kara about the baby.

She does not justify herself. She does not talk about the unbearable loneliness. Of bed shared with unmarked men. Of needing someone to call hers, a child of her own, compelled to love her, not like a soulmate but just as naturally.

She relays facts.

She is pregnant. She's going to have a baby. She's going to be a mother.

And Kara is... ecstatic.

She will never be able to picture this gentle soul who is all about compassion and sympathy.

A girl who congratulates her. Who only asks when the baby is due and if it's going to be a boy or a girl and does not care about the hows and whys.

She just accepts the news planting pink lipstick kisses on her arms.

And the girl is thirteen. And  _God, Kal is right. You're already ruining her life. And she does not even realize it._

Cat almost explains the ramifications of her pregnancy.

But she can't bring herself to.

Not when Kara paints the most beautiful pictures on Cat's belly. Writes of longing. Wishing they could be together. How much she can't wait to meet them both. She writes invocations to Rao's blessing.

Cat feels the guilt settling on her stomach. The guilt of omission. Of taking advantage of Kara's naivety and ignorance of Earth's customs.

After all, while most people don't save themselves for their soulmates, especially if the age gap is too wide, carrying someone else's baby is still frowned upon.

But she doesn't dare tell her.

She won't turn a good news, or at least so perceived, in a bad one.

Not when the girl is trying to start a new life on a strange planet.

And doing it so wonderfully.

Cat is amazed by the speed Kryptonese gradually leaves place for English.

The girl is learning so much and so quickly Cat almost calls Kal-El to ask if it's one of their superpowers.

But she's not talking to _him_ , Cat remembers bitterly, the wound still raw.

It's still worth it. And while hurt, she's not sorry.

Because Kara slowly stops writing about how part of her feels wrong. Being on Earth. Being alive.

Instead, she reminds Cat she's a member of the House of El. And so is the baby she's carrying.

And while it may have no weight on this planet, not without the extra abilities that are associated with its crest, the words ignite so many strong feelings Cat has to close her eyes and breath them in. Warmth. Acceptance. Pride. Affection. Honor. Hope.

Cat Grant has never felt so powerful.

Not even when Lois Lane had to ask for her blessing to get her Kryptonian wedding, as the oldest female member of the House of El.

 _Are you going to call me Cat-El, now?_ She writes snickering, before giving the girl the chance to fall in the morose mood that threatens her every time she remembers her family.

A smiley face appears next the _You know that's not how it works! And it sounds ridiculous._

 _I don't think so, Kara Zor-El. It sounds lovely._ She draws a grinning face, all teeth. _Did you know in my family there's a long tradition of calling daughters with some variation of the mother's name? It could be an idea for a girl._

_And if he's a boy?_

_I'll think of something._

 

* * *

 

 

Kara does not understand much of Earth.

But some things, she just _loves_.

She loves there are birds in the sky and fishes in the water and all kinds of strange animals.

Thought, some of them are a little icky and gross.

Like some bugs, if seen up close.

Or that birds that eat other dead animals and vomit all the time.

Oh! And all that weird sea bugs she can't remember the name of. Even those humans actually eat.

But she loves all the other animals she has seen at the zoo or in the T.V..

She loves the colored drinks with all those bubbles. And pretty much all food that isn't sea bugs.

And she loves to fly.

Her parents would have loved Earth.

There are, however, many things she does not understand.

Like why she has to hide that she can fly.

Or why she can't help people like her cousin.

Why she gets overwhelmed by her powers.

Why Alex only speaks to her when they are home.

Why she can't meet her person yet.

And why everybody looks at her funnily when she says her person is having a baby.

She asks all these questions to Cat.

And Cat replies. She explains that humans can be scared of people that can do what they can't. And then she wouldn't be able to go to school if they knew.

And Kara loves school because she gets to learn about Earth and its inhabitants, even if the other kids are mean to her. And Cat is _Always_ so proud when she gets a good grade.

Kara loves making Cat proud most of all.

She tells Kara she doesn't know how to help with her powers but that closing her eyes and focusing on her breathing could make it better.

And it does a little.

She reassures her Alex will come around. That sometimes teenagers can be stupid and hurtful. That they will find something to bond over.

 _And_ , Kara thinks, _Alex loves flying, too_.

 _Why can't we meet, yet?_ It's a question she has asked many times, but she never truly understands the answer.

_It's an Earth rule. We will meet when we're both adults, Kara. So we can be the same age. And grow old together._

_But we will never be the same age. Not really._

_We'll be, Kara. It's the magic of this world._

Kara doesn't ask her last question. Because if Cat having a baby is against the rules, like when Aunt Lara got pregnant, she doesn't want to make her feel bad.

She'll ask Jeremiah.

 

* * *

 

 

Jeremiah tries to explain.

He really tries. But Kara doesn't understand much of it. And the more confused she gets, the more anxious he seems.

In the end, she pretends to. Just to calm him down.

 _Tell me the thing about bees and_ _birds_., she writes. Because Cat is always better at explaining.

_What brought this on?_

_Jeremiah. I asked him a question about something and he started to talk about animals._

_I see._

Kara awaits few minutes, but nothing else appears on her arm. And she's scared she has offended Cat.

Then the writings start again.

_Men and women are anatomically different. Especially their genitalia. Do you know how their called?_

_Yes!_

_A woman, to get pregnant has to_ the writing stops again and Kara rolls her eyes _._

_I know how women get pregnant, Cat. We covered it in class. What I don't understand is why people congratulate me when I tell them you're pregnant._

_Oh. That's easy. It's because soulmates usually share children._

She frowns at the writing. _Share children? As in... the baby is of both of them? Like parents?_

_Yes._

Soulmates usually share children. But they don't. And Kara feels something heavy on her chest. Jealousy, maybe. Because she wanted that but she knows Cat shares this child with someone else. And it hurts. Just a little. She is happy Cat is going to have a baby.

But she's still the strange girl on the sidelines.

 _Oh. I understand._ She writes.

_Kara. They congratulate to you because you are going to be his or her other mother. Well, if you wish._

The girl chokes on her own spit and fall into a coughing fit. But when she regains her breath she's grinning. _Really? It's really a thing here on Earth? I get to be his or her mother, too?!_

_Like I said... if you wish._

And Kara feels like the first time she flew, even though her feet are planted on the ground. No, better. Like when she realized there was a real person behind the marks on her skin. _Nothing would make me happier. I can't wait to meet you both._

_We, too, Kara. We, too. But this is something you have to think about, ok? If you decide you do not want it, it's still ok. I'll still be here for you._

_And I for you, Cat. And the baby! Always. You'd be my favorite person ever, even if you weren't my person. I love you so much._

The answer comes few minutes later. _But then we wouldn't have known each other._

Kara shakes her head. She can't imagine not knowing Cat. _We would. I'm sure._

_I'm happy with you as my person. Wouldn't want anyone else. Just to clarify, I love you, too. My girl._

Later, when Jeremiah checks on her, this time with illustrated books and pamphlets, he finds a smiling Kara staring at the ceiling.

"Everything ok?"

"I'm going to be a mama." She sighs happily. "I'm so glad I made it to Earth."

 

* * *

 

 

Cat smiles.

Kara loves her.

And _sure_ , it's probably the innocent love children feel towards the important adults in their life.

But Kara loves her.

And she loves in such a consistent way, Cat can feel it around herself. Wrapping her like a warm blanket. It's present in every short message. In every drawing. In every lipstick kiss.

Cat never felt so loved and so at peace.

And she is so invested in the child she's carrying the older woman doesn't even mind morning sickness anymore.

Even if she was promised they were going to stop in the first trimester.

Instead, she waits patiently in her bathroom as they pass away, reading the gentle coddling words on her arm.

The girl is flourishing, finally able to focus on something other than her lost planet and overwhelming powers. Something good. Something to look forward.

And Cat has given it to her.

It's worth the embarrassment of the words _Tell her to sleep more, because 4 hours a night are not acceptable. And the thing about sushi_ appearing on her belly during an echo she's told Kara about.

Her doctor just smirks. "The father?"

And the reporter rolls her eyes, secretly charmed by the girl's antics but blushing lightly. "No. It's actually a thirteen years old girl checking out too many library books."

She doesn't know why she reveals so much. But she guesses the doctor/patient confidentially covers soulmates' identities. She still braces herself for his reply.

But there's a playful glint in his eyes. "Ah, the other mother, then."

"She is going to miss out so much." She whispers in a bout of hormones. And she wonders when she started considering a 13 years old the other parent of a child she has conceived from another man.

"You're going to tell her all about it. And she's going to love the kid. I've seen it happen."

And she thinks of Adam. Of the photos his new young mother sent. And she knows he's right.

He ends up to be the one to deliver her baby boy.

When she wakes up from the anesthesia, she realizes he has wrote on the inside of her wrist.

_Congratulation, young mama, it's a boy!_

There's also a long discussion about the baby. And do and don't for Cat.

"Really, doc?" She tries to look annoyed, but she fails.

 _If you ever end up doing this with Kara, you're calling him.,_ she decides.

 

* * *

 

 

Kara is still in her school clothes, pacing in the living room while Alex stares daggers at her and Jeremiah lets out little sighs and Eliza jumps from her seat every time she stops, only to turn and start again, when the words _Congratulation, young mama. It's a boy!_ appear on the inside of her wrist.

And she squeals.

"He's born!"

Eliza arms are enveloping her, jumping up and down. And Jeremiah beams at them before standing up and patting her shoulder proudly. Even Alex smiles a bit.

Kara uses a little bit of superspeed to write back to whom she assumes is the doctor. And he answers every question she has.

He assures the baby is a beautiful healthy boy and Cat is still asleep.

The Danvers stay up with her until Cat wakes up.

"Here." Jeremiah breaks out a pack of Godiva Milk Chocolate Cigars and hands her one, before passing the others around.

Alex snorts from her seat on the couch. "Really, dad?"

"Of course." He replies, before turning towards Kara. "It's customary, when a child is born, that the other parent celebrates by smoking a cigar with his or her family and friends."

Her eyes squint up in a smile. "That's silly. Isn't smoking bad?"

"It's a very old tradition. And as you can see..." He waves the cigar around. "This is chocolate. We get to eat it."

Kara giggles at the strange human custom and she's so happy and she has a _son_.

 _Rao_ , she wishes she can hold him.

Eventually, Cat writes a simple _Hey_ on the other arm.

And Kara trips herself rushing for a marker. _Cat! How are you? Are you sore? Do you need to sleep more?_

_I'm fine, Kara. We're both fine._

_I already love him so much. I wish I could hold you both._

_And we you. He's perfect._

"Ask his name!" Eliza is gushing. Kara grins and nods.

_Have you named him yet? Not Cat-El, I'm assuming? she writes with a little smile next to the words._

_I was thinking about Carter. Carter Lucas._

"Carter Lucas." Kara announces. The Danvers around her all grin.

"Carter- _El_." Jeremiah says simply.

The girl frowns. "No, she said it's Carter Luc-" Oh. Oh. Carter L.. Carter-El. Carter-El.

Kara lets herself fall on the couch her head leaning back.

Carter-El. Of the noble House of El.

It has not been all for nothing.

 _It's perfect. You're perfect._ She bits her lip, contemplating her next words. _I love you_.

 

* * *

 

 

Alex Danvers often writes on her arm. No one ever replies. At 16, almost everybody has someone to write to. It has never bothered her before.

The fact that her alien fake sister has a person, someone she has been talking since she was a toddler, does bother her.

She is not even subtle about it. It is all Cat _this_ , Cat _that_ , Cat is so awesome. Cat taught me a new word. Hey, how do you pronounce this? Cat is sad, I'm going to draw her _birds_.

The worst part, is that she has a pretty great idea about who this Cat is.

If Clark letting slip how they met at work or the timing with the pregnancy wasn't enough, watching the alien stare at the talk show host like she is some kind of Goddess sure is.

Cat _fucking_ Grant.

 

* * *

 

 

"Do you think she's your Cat?" Alex asks her one day, as Kara is shamelessly staring at the screen.

The girl lowers her head and blushes. "I don't think so."

"Why not?"

"My Cat is really sweet and kind. This one is..." Kara cringes.

"Kind of a bitch?" Alex supplies.

Kara snorts and giggles. "Yeah." She blushes then, looking vaguely guilty. "But she's very pretty."

Alex snorts, too. Because her alien sister has a crush on her bondmate and feels guilty about it. And because, apparently, the sweetest alien in all known galaxies has a thing for strong, bitchy women. "What if your Cat is ugly? Would you still marry her?"

Kara tilts her head to the side, regarding her in confusion. " _Marry_?"

"Yes. Marry. As in being together. Romantically. As bondmates." _Oh. Come one_ , she thinks. _It's not possible nobody has told her that._

But Kara eyes widens in pure panic. "That's... that's what you do with your persons?! You _marry_ them?!" She squeaks, her voice so high-pitched Alex has the urge to cover her ears.

"Well, duh." She narrows her eyes. "What did you think one does with their _soulmate_?"

" _I don't know_." She replies in anguish. "Friends things! I checked! Mate means friend, too!"

Alex stares at her. She doesn't dare to move. The risk to start laughing and never really stop is too high. "Kara..." She tries. But she really can't.

She laughs, until she realizes Kara is silently crying. And then she feels like a jerk. So she tells her to wait for her on the couch.

She comes back with snacks and chick flicks.

If Cat Grant is indeed her person, she will need some moves.

 

* * *

 

 

The next day, Kara is fidgety and Alex is kind of embarrassed too. She doesn't know how she ended up from chick flicks to THE talk, lesbian version.

She has enjoyed watching Kara melt in the couch after every sappy line. The glint in her eyes after every happy ending. But she had not taken in account the questions that could born from half faded out sex scenes.

And when Kara had asked what was happening, she replied.

And when Kara had asked about why there wasn't a movie about two girls, she still replied.

And somehow, she found herself explaining lesbian sex and the dangers of homophobia and where the babies come from for two lesbians, because her version was confusing and Alex didn't know what a Codex actually was. Plus, they already have a _child_ together - kind of -, right? She had to know what it actually meant.

Kara smiles a little at her over the breakfast table. "Cat wrote something to you. She forbid me from reading it."

She nods. And Kara turns around and takes off her pajamas top.

And Alex grins.

_Thank you for giving her the talk, dear. I think Jeremiah's only confused her. By the way, no porn until she's 17. Seriously._

Yep, it's Cat kind-of-a-bitch Grant.

She chuckles, as she thinks if she should reply or not.

_She blushes every time you bite your lower lip in that way you do after embarrassing a guest. I had to explain hormones._

_P.s. Locking lips. Throwing keys._

 

* * *

 

 

Alex has to leave the room next time Cat's show is on. There's no way a woman could bite her lip so much and still pass for sexy and not... someone with a strange neurological tic.

She yells at Kara to lock the _fucking_ door and only open it again when she is done, before stomping on the couch downstairs.

She doesn't know if it's the sister thing. Or the naive alien look. But she doesn't think she'll ever be at ease with Cat Grant's brand of decorum.

 

* * *

 

  
In this fated and absurd love story, Clark often feels like a glorified mailman.

He apologizes, the day after Carter's birth, with a framed photo of Kara. Grinning in the camera with the ocean behind her, eyes half squinted but still shining.

Cat holds it in her hands and traces the glass over the picture and sniffs and whimpers and claims she's not crying, even though she is.

And she gives him photos of baby Carter for Kara.

There are tears there, too.

And so it begins.

He isn't annoyed. Even if sometimes he rolls his eyes exaggeratedly at Cat.

Never at Kara. The girl is too easily mortified. Even if some days she has a temper.

But he loves them both. And he is amazed to the care with which they handle each other gifts.

He's the one to put Carter's neatly wrapped presents under the Grant's tree.

_From mama._

He's the one to deliver the kid incomprehensible drawings as soon as he's old enough to old a crayon.

He still gets choked up when he remembers Kara's expression as she hugged his small hand print to her chest.

And yes, maybe he was kind of a jerk when he found out of Cat's pregnancy. Because both their lives revolved around the boy and he can't imagine them in any other role.

Cat is the single working mother who always manage to be there when it counts.

And Kara is the girl that saves up her allowance to buy him silly toys.

And while her sacrifices may seem pointless, knowing how much Grant earns per hour, Kara is happy to make them.

Her whole body lightens up every time she finds the perfect gift. The one she wants her son to have.

He knows Kara always sleeps few nights with new stuffed toys before wrapping them.

And he knows Cat always breath them in as soon as Carter puts them down because it's her only opportunity to smell the mixed scent of the two people she loves most.

And Carter _worships_ Kara.

Like she's the tooth fairy, Santa and Superman all rolled into one.

Doodles on Cat's skin almost more than on his own. Dictates long convoluted stories that Cat diligently writes down.

And no matter what glamorous present he receives from others, it's always Kara's the one he holds on the most.

He can't deny the love he's witnessing and the good it's bringing. Can't deny the part Carter played in Kara's mental recovery.

Sometimes, he admits to Lois, he just wants to go to Cat and tell her he was wrong all those years ago.

That she should rush to Kara the moment she graduates and take her home because this... this broken family was too much even for him.

Because behind every grateful smile he received he could see the longing, the infinite sadness.

The weight of a wait which is far from over.

But Cat is firm and probably right: Kara deserves the chance to grow to be her own person. She's still too young.

So he does what he can.

Delivers all the mother's day gifts. All the birthday presents.

And lies through his teeth every time one asks how the other's doing.

_Fine._

 

* * *

 

 

Carter has two mothers. But he knows there are rules. Reasons why his mama can't come and live with them.

Reasons why it has to be a secret.

_Kara is too young. Kara is a girl. Kara is an alien._

And Carted has always known this. Has always kept the secret.

But everyday, he comes home and his mom lets him draw something for his mama. And his mama would always draw him something and wish him goodnight.

It's strange. And unusual. And a bit hard. Sometimes, he likes to be in his room and pretend his mama is just outside the door while his playing with his person. They are always building something cool and mama and mommy will soon enter with snacks and sodas - Dr Pepper! - and they will see what they are building and be awed.

They are both real. He is waiting.

 

* * *

 

 

The girl next to Hulk is staring at him. She is dressed as Superman. But with a _skirt_.

She looks familiar, and Carter can't help staring back.

He came to the Comic-Con with his father. He hates these things. But he offered. And his mother couldn't take him anyway.

He told his mama everything about it. Well, he dictated to his mother. He told her how he was going to go as Superman. But with a different version of the costume his mom made for him.

Carter is in Kryptonian robes, worth of a member of the Science Guild like the House of El. The crest is there. And the girl keeps staring.

The only photo they have of her, was sent by some anonymous source. And she was 13. And she looked too small to be a mom. But she was smiling and she seemed really kind.

This girl isn't smiling, even if she still looks young. She looks like she is about to cry.

Carter feels something. Something he can't name or understand.

There's a woman next to her. She tries to catch her attention, before giving up and following her gaze.

Carter knows he shouldn't. He's five and his father is flirting with a Wonder Woman look alike and he isn't supposed to speak to strangers and... He takes one step closer.

And lets out a whisper that comes from so deep in his lungs, he's not sure he makes any sound.

"Mama."

And she's around him the next instant. She's hugging him. And he hugs back because he realizes he doesn't minds hugs from her.

He has been waiting for this. The older girl looks panicked. His father yells something.

He closes his eyes and breaths in her scent.

 

* * *

 

 

Alex, _aunt_ Alex, makes up some excuse about how they used to baby-sit him. How they had missed him.

He is still gripping his mama shoulders. Because the girl is his mama. And he had known.

He doesn't know, however, how he is supposed to let go after this.

Aunt Alex offers to look after him from the rest of the day. He hopes his father says yes because his mama is touching him. And he doesn't want her to stop.

The man agrees. And Carter doesn't care much from the Comic-Con anymore. Not when he can feel her hands in his hair, pressing kisses around his scalp. Whispering how much she loves him like it's the last chance she'll ever get.

Later, when he is back at home, with his mom, he will tell her that.

But his mother talks about chances and youth and lack of responsibility, and he tries to explain how heartbroken she had looked. Tries to make her understand.

"She's still in high school, Carter."

He sighs, and nods, because he knows the rules. Knows there's no use arguing.

"She gave me her number. Can I call her sometimes?"

There's something in his mother's eyes that reminds him of Kara. The same unnamed feeling and he almost asks about that too. "Of course, darling."

 

* * *

 

 

It's lonely.

College is lonely and she's hungry half of the time.

Cat is still there on her skin. But she's so far away her chest feels emptier than her stomach.

And Kara is lost all over again.

She does not know what she wants to be. Her family legacy, both her families, points towards science.

But everything is too easy or too confusing or too abstract.

She misses the way science bled into anything on Krypton.

She ends up studying stars. It's seems right and almost poetical for an alien.

For someone who survived the death of a star.

Because stars are cruel and stars are kind.

Stars die taking whole civilization, whole races, with them. Stars' light survives. Rao's light. And Kara always knows where to look when she yearns for a glimpse of her last real home.

She spends whole nights huddled over star charts and until it feels too much like reading a map upside down.

She knows these stars. These planets. But she can never get used to read them from Earth's perspective.

She does not want to spend the rest of her life looking at the sky from the wrong planet.

She takes journalism, also. Which maybe makes no sense. It certainly doesn't make one for her tutor or her professors.

But it does for her.

Because journalism did not exist on Krypton.

None of the five guilds, none of the political factions, cared for something like free information.

You knew what you had to know. Lying was a dishonorable crime. The pursuit of the truth was pointless and not contemplated.

Kara wonders if it's what attracted Kal-El so much. Or if it had been in his genes, free of the Codex's subtle machinations.

She wants to be free, too.

 

* * *

 

 

Kara is not in school anymore. And she keeps talking to Carter every day. But she and Cat don't talk to each other like they used to do.

And Kara remembers all the breaking points.

She remembers writing a _Why, Cat?_ after Saint Diego.

 _You both deserved it.,_ she had replied.

And then Kara had begged. Just before high-school ended. She had _begged_.

She remembers the pointed  _No_.

And the words that came after that.

_You can't just... stop. You have to find your role in this world. You get to be young, Kara, with no responsibilities. You have to realize who you are on your own._

And Kara had not replied. She should have realized. She is still too young. Too _alien_. Cat probably has a role in the world. Has some kind of _worth_. And Kara was just... the strange alien girl.

She has gone to college. Majored in two different fields and still doesn't know what she wants to be.

 _Choices_ , she realizes, are the thing she most loves and hates about Earth. So many of them.

It's so easy to get lost.

But she is tired of rejection. So she is trying. Building her own path. Finding her worth. And hope it will be enough. That she... will be enough.

She understands, rationally, that Cat has been on Earth for almost fifty years. Spent half of that time believing her dead.

And Cat has explained, for hours, what it had meant for her. To carve her own path. How it had let her strive for things very few people try alone.

But it hurts. Maybe it would have been different if it wasn't for Carter. But Rao, she longs for her son's arms around her the same way she longs for the Red Sun of Krypton. No, more than that.

Maybe she could have been patient if she wasn't loosing so many of his milestones.

She tried. Tried telling Cat it just isn't enough anymore. That it's hurting so much it feels like her parents pushing her in that damned pod over and over again. In slow motion, for added effect.

But Cat still talks of personal goals and worth and independence and ambitions.

And Kara wonders if it's really for her sake, or her own.

Or if she's ashamed of her.

Sometimes Kara wishes she could ask. _Who is Cat?_

Is she some big shot professor in some ivy league university who was ashamed to date a girl fresh out of college?

A top-selling writer who enjoys the solitude the writing life requires and would only see her like an annoyance?

A career woman who has no time for someone who still understands so little of Earth?

She only knows few truths. Cat is a workaholic. Cat claims to be satisfied in her status of self-made woman. Cat earns enough to spoil Carter rotten, if she wished.

And Kara is not enough for her. No _yet_.

She wonders if she'll ever be enough.

Sometimes, she pretends she's still stuck in the Phantom Zone. Drifting through space. Her own mind making up all this to justify the timeless travel towards her person.

She wonders if she'll ever reach her or if she's pursuing an asymptote.

Carter's voice through the phone is the highlight of every day. His voice, still high pitched, narrating the day's events without giving any details away.

He's good at this game.

He even stopped asking her when she's coming home.

Sometimes, he falls asleep with the phone call still open. And Kara gets to hear Cat footsteps approaching.

And for few seconds, she can pretend Cat is walking towards her.

"Cat?" She calls out, one day.

The other woman's breath hitches and Kara stands up straighter, her ears focused on any sound through the line.

But she can only hear her soft irregular breath.

"Cat, please..."

There's a moment. A single eternal moment, when Kara is _certain_ Cat is going to start speaking. Can hear the sharp intake of breath. Lips closing and reopening. A sniffle and half-muted sob. And she closes her eyes, ready to savoir the sound of Cat's voice.

And then there's only a _click_.

And if Kara has to guess, _this_ is the real breaking point.

The moment she decides she'll never stop trying.

But she's not going to _beg_ anymore.

She'll fulfill every single point on Cat's mandatory requirements.

And then she'll scour the whole Earth over until she finds her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me some time, but I don't know if I'll ever be completely satisfied with this chapter. It should cover so many events, so many people, but without making the story too heavy. 
> 
> And I have to spare something, or it'll be like "ok, they met and talked about the things I droned about in the previous chapters." lol


	4. The Cat Is Not A Lie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... I'm spoiling you.
> 
> It's pretty long. ;)
> 
> But, you've been spoiling me, too. So that's fine!

_We learned not to meet anymore,_  
_We don't raise our eyes to one another,_  
_But we ourselves won't guarantee_  
_What could happen to us in an hour.�_

_\- Anna Akhmatova, The Complete Poems of Anna Akhmatova_

 

* * *

 

 

Cat knows she's overdoing it.

That she's too sharp, too absolute in her denial, but she won't let Kara ruin her own life.

Won't let her settle.

Won't let her be Cat Grant's little woman.

Cat has seen the strain her whole persona puts on the people close to her. How easy it is for them to be swallowed by her success and her power. And the part of her which fell in love with Kara-the-child, has never wanted this for her. She's always wanted Kara to shine. Her girl. Her little bright star.

Even if sometimes it means playing the bad guy part.

Because as much as the girl is hers... she has always known, she belongs to a higher purpose.

Be it being the next big superhero or a woman in civilian clothes, Cat has no doubt she's going to be brilliant.

There's another voice, of course. The voice that tells her she's being a frightened _twit_.

That she's been expecting the worst from life for such a long time, she's shielding herself behind walls so high and impenetrable even she can't find a way out.

But there's so much she can't do.

She can care for a child. Adam. Young Kara. Carter. She can be a mentor. She can inspire and push others to do better, to stand straighter, to be proud of themselves. She can protect. She can sacrifice everything, even parts of herself, to spare them any suffering, to give them the life they deserve.

But she doesn't know how to care on equal ground.

She doesn't know how to be an ease with a lover. How to shed every single one of her various personas and just be Cat.

To be able to just... talk and touch and listen. Not being afraid to say the wrong thing in the wrong tone. To make unconscious physical contact. To not concentrate on keeping on a particular mask but letting her face be open and her expressions natural.

But, God, she wishes she did.

 

* * *

 

 

Kara reads the words on her arm. And sighs.

There's nothing wrong in the short message, per se.

It's still witty and funny and it's still Cat being annoyed to some privileged white man she has to work with she can't stand.

It's still Cat.

Cat pretending nothing is wrong. That everything is just peachy. That they can go on talking about all and nothing. Like two pre-teen pen-pals exchanging letters for some mandatory school program and planning how they are going to meet once they get older and Never. Really. Meaning. It.

But it's _Cat_.

And Kara can't afford to not believe her. In her. In them.

Because every time she lets herself doubt, she feels a sickness expanding in her chest until she can't even breath.

And that can't be right.

She reads the words again. Traces the elegant characters on her skin.

She slips under the covers and closes her eyes.

In the morning, Cat will wash the words away and Kara will pretend to have never seen them.

 

* * *

 

 

One hundred and three.

One hundred and three.

That's the number of _words_ they have exchanged in a week.

God, Cat has read longer Twitter rants. And she never reads long twitter rants.

And... she has lost Kara.

She has lost Kara. Again.

And this time, she can only blame herself.

 _I miss you._ She writes. She's drunk. And tired. And alone. And she's afraid of Kara not replying. Or worse. Replying when she's sober.

 _I miss you, too._ The response is quick. And Cat lets out a relieved sob. Sweet Kara will always step in. Will never leave her to wallow.

And she needs her.

_Come home, Kara._

Cat hugs her legs to her chest. Not knowing which reply she dreads more. Which future.

The one where Kara realizes her soulmate and the woman who she admired as a teen were one and the same, but just as much of a disappointment.

Or the one where Kara has finally had enough.

 _What happened?_ Cat lowers her cheek against her hands and stares at the wall. She wishes she had an excuse. _Cat, you're worrying me. Tell me what happened._

 _Nothing I... I just miss you._ She softly slams her head against her knees a few times, before adding. _I'm sorry._ And it seems like not enough. _I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry._  And her arm is almost full of the lopsided apologies.

_STOP._

Cat freezes, as the big letters appear where she was going to write next.

 _You're drunk, Cat. Ask me again when you're sober._ A pause. _Or don't. Just don't play with me, okay?_

Cat squeezes her eyes shut. Feeling the shame washing over her like a cold cold wet blanket. _I'm sorry._

She doesn't lie down.

And she doesn't black out.

She's afraid that every progress will be washed away as soon as she falls asleep.

She awaits, patiently, until the dawn breaks. Waits until the sun is high in the sky. Waits until the sky reddens.

 _National City._ She writes, finally.

_Home?_

_Home._

 

* * *

 

 

Kara spends the following night on her sister's couch.

National City.

She's close.

 

* * *

 

 

When Kara appeared on her doorstep late night before, without any notice and looking more like a refugee than a tourist, Alex wasn't surprised.

The younger girl has just finished college and she doesn't know what to do with herself, yet. And more than once, Alex herself has suggested to come to National City.

After all, Kara is her little sister. She wants her close. Especially after realizing what a shitty sister she has been to her in the years following Jeremiah's death. Not that Kara ever begrudged her. Alex sometimes doubts Kara is even able of recognize the faults in someone.

 _That's Kara._ Only seeing the best in people until you can't help and try to be the person she sees.

And Alex loves that about her. Loves it and hates it because it is so easier to worry about a girl that has no protection around her heart.

"So..." She begins, noticing how Kara had uncharacteristically spared three whole donuts from the box and is only half-hearted nibbling on the same one for two whole minutes. "Why are you here?"

The girl looks up to her wide eyed. "I..."

"Not that I'm not happy. I am. You know you're always invited." Alex cuts off. She doesn't want Kara to doubt that. "But... what happened?"

And the girl sighs, poking at the half-eaten pastry. "Cat."

Alex stiffens, bracing herself yet trying to appear calm. Every time Kara spoke about Cat in the past, Alex has always felt like an undercover agent.

(And she _knows_ that feeling pretty well.)

Kara would rant about Cat. The good or the bad and Alex could only nod and offer neutral advice and silent comfort. At first, to hide her envy. Staying quiet even when she wanted to tell her how wrong Cat was. Afraid that Kara could ever call on her being _mateless_.

Too many people, in the past, have spat _what do you know?_ when she has given her opinion on soulmates' relationships.

She's always taken it in stride. Raising her hands and making her point with a careless grin. She couldn't, if it was her own sister.

But in these last years, the reason for her silence changed. Now, Alex knows too much about Cat. How she pushes and pulls away and how miserable she could make a sister one moment and elated the next.

She also knows Cat will always be the centre of Kara's world. And every throw-off comment or allusion to her not being anything short than perfect, only manages to push Kara on the defensive. Or worse, just hurt her.

She has learned that pretty early. And not matter how right Alex was, she could never stand the wounded look on her sister's face.

So, Alex is used to play the supportive sister role, as much as she wishes she could just walk up to her, grip her shoulder and shake until those Kryptonian neurons start to finally work and Kara realizes there's nothing wrong with her.

Just Cat.

And if she could actually prove Cat is _that_ Cat, she would have paid her a visit years ago.

Probably with some sort of firearm. Not that she needs _it_.

Alex shakes her head from the slightly violent thoughts, to notice her sister is intensely staring at the breakfast table, food all forgotten.

"Cat... what?"

"She's here. In National City. She told me yesterday."

 _Another point for Cat Grant,_ she thinks. Then she frowns. "So... why the morose mood? It was what you wanted."

"Do you know how many people there are in National City?" Kara stands up and starts speaking animatedly. "Fourteen millions. No." She shakes her head. "Fourteen million and 756 thousands, give or take a few hundreds." She lets her arms fall slack at her sides in defeat. "How am I supposed to find her?"

"Ok. First of all. That's _bullshit_." Alex rolls her eyes. "We both knows you could walk in front of every school and recognize Carter amongst a flock of 5th graders. Cat knows that, too."

"But-"

Alex raises her hand. She is so not done talking. "Even if you didn't want to cheat, if she told you to come to National City, that probably means she's finally ready anyway. You could probably just ask."

Kara nods unsure, before opening her mouth again. Alex shakes her head.

"She's giving you an out, Kara." Alex sighs. She hates being on Cat's side on this. "You can probably find your way to her. Maybe by tonight. Maybe by the end of the week. Or... you can pig out on the couch with me for the week-end, then start looking for a job and _then_ , ask her out."

"Can I speak now?"

Alex flicks Kara's nose with her finger. "I'm just saying that, while you're hot, you may not want to knock on her door while unemployed and homeless. You'd probably bankrupt the woman with your eating habits."

"Hey!" Kara nudges her sister with her hip. "And did you just call me _hot_?"

"No, I didn't." She grins teasingly. "I'm your sister, Kara. And you have a mate and a son waiting for you."

 

* * *

 

 

As job offers go, National City is full of options.

There are jobs she hadn't even _heard_ about, before.

But, she can't help but stare breathlessly at the CatCo tower, as her sister gives her the tour of the city.

She wonders if she could apply there.

"Do you think she's your Cat?"

Kara rolls her eyes. "No. I checked."

Alex seems taken aback. "You checked?"

"Yep." Kara answers jovially. "Cat is not Cat Grant."

"Oh."

Kara is both amused and perplexed. "Why do you sound so disappointed? Were you wishing for a millionaire sister-in-law?"

Alex snorts. "No."

"Aww... you were, weren't you? Would you have asked for one of those expensive motorcycle you always stop to ogle for your birthday?"

The woman shakes her head. "No and no. An alien sister is more than enough. Add a millionaire one, and I may start to develop an inferiority complex."

"You shouldn't. You're great, Alex." Kara shrugged. "And it's not like I've done something with my life, yet."

"So... how did you check? Did you knock on her door before crashing on my couch?"

Kara laughs. "No. You humans have a great thing called the Internet."

Alex frowns. "You checked on internet."

"Cat Grant has a son who is around Carter age. Cat has two sons, even though Adam doesn't live with her."

"Ooook. What's her son name?"

"I looked, but she has never stated it publicly. Oh. Cat Grant is few years younger than Cat. Like three. Plus, I'm pretty sure Cat Grant is on and off dating Maxwell Lord. And Cat would never do that." _To me_ is unsaid. Both Carter and Cat have always assured Cat isn't looking for company. Except her, she hopes.

Alex is looking at her with a strange expression, before nodding. "Well, then. Are you going to try and get a job there?"

"Wouldn't it be strange?"

"What? Moving to a city for your soulmate and start working for a woman who shares her first name whom you crushed on for all your teen years? Not at all."

Kara shakes her head at Alex's benevolent teasing, feeling the familiar rush of affection at their easy banter. She still punches her sister's shoulder gently.

"That hurt."

"You big baby."

"Come on, there's a nice bistro just around the corner. I heard it's where CatCo employers eat. Lets get you used to the idea."

 

* * *

 

 

It's harder, with Kara in the same city.

Part of her just wants to ask her where she is and _don't move I'll be there in ten minutes tops_.

It would ruin everything. Kara is in National City. Closer. But if they meet now, this past years will have been for nothing.

She has her answer ready, should Kara ask. She won't let temporary weaknesses frustrate her sacrifices.

_You don't want to be associated with me._

And it's the truth. Kara will understand, with time, when all the pieces of the puzzle will fall in place, how being associated with Cat Grant has its downfalls.

There are very few fields where CatCo has no weight. It would stunt her career of choice before she even could have one.

No, Kara merits will be her own. Whatever they may be. And Cat is ready to see whatever the girl could pull off.

Cat also hopes Kara manages to find her way to her anyway. But those thoughts are banished until the fourth bourbon kicks in.

 

* * *

 

 

 _Cat is not Cat Grant_ is a mantra she has been repeating herself for years.

And it's the mantra repeating in loop in her head as she first steps foot in Cat Grant office.

_Cat is not Cat Grant._

But there's something.

 _Something_.

The woman doesn't even care to look at Kara. And she's ranting in a flat, bored tone about a generation Kara doesn't even really belong to. But the meaning is not lost.

She's too young.

It does seem to be a leitmotiv in her life.

And as much as the words hit a little too close to home, she can't help but stare at the half turned woman.

There's something in the way she talks. In the words she uses. In what she is saying that is so completely Cat.

But Cat is not Cat Grant.

And then she turns.

And Kara can't focus. She's a stuttering mess and she's half lying, half being truthful and she's laying it a little bit thick and there's _something_.

A feeling resounding in her bones that has nothing to do with nerves or meeting a celebrity crush.

It's like meeting Kal-El on Earth. Like recognizing Carter in a packed room.

And _Rao_ , TV doesn't make her justice because she's even more beautiful and _she has her son's eyes._

But it's just wishful thinking and a trick of her mind, one she's getting used to since she set foot in National City. A city that taunts her with its schools and playgrounds and where every woman could be Cat and maybe they have already met but only her cells know.

Still.

Cat is not Cat Grant.

But Kara needs this job. It's a step closer to her Cat. The only one that matters. And miss Grant is completely unimpressed again and Kara is ready to cheat a little because she wants to work in journalism. And she has to do it in National City, where her family is. And if Cat Grant asks her to leave she will not have anymore chances.

"I think you should know that I expect complete and utter devotion to this job. Are you willing to sacrifice everything in your life to be my assistant?"

"Uhm..." Oh.

There's _something_.

No. That's more than _something_.

And she won't be able to justify this one. Because, there's a photo on Cat Grant desk she hadn't noticed when she was too busy looking through it.

A photo she would recognize everywhere. She remembers well the day Kal-El shot it.

Cat Grant has _her_ photo. On _her_ desk.

Cat is not Cat Grant.

That's a lie.

Of course, she is. Of course, she would push Kara to be on her own. To stay away until she had something to show.

After all, she is just a girl in comparison.

Cat Grant has built an empire.

"Well?"

"No." And Kara looks at her. Cat is Cat Grant. But, most importantly, Cat is so close she could touch her if she dared.

She could flee, instead.

 _Come home, Kara.,_ she has written. And maybe it's alright. Maybe Kara has stumbled her way home just like she was destined to.

She feels happiness bubbling in her chest and Cat is narrowing her eyes and squaring her shoulders and Kara laughs. Because Cat can be so melodramatic sometimes.

And Kara knows this. Kara knows _her_.

Cat looks annoyed, maybe even angry and she's perfect. "I see. Then." She points to the door behind Kara, but the girl doesn't move.

"I can't work here."

"Well, that's obvious." She waves her hand dismissing. She's so beautiful and elegant and completely out of her league. On paper. But she's also hers. "Whatever meds you forgot to take, I'm sure they are waiting for you in your bathroom cabinet."

"No, I mean... Cat."

"Did you just call me... _Cat_?"

Kara grins. And remembers all the times when her sister teased her about having a crush on Cat Grant. "I can't work here because I doubt you will ever date your assistant."

"Date?"

"It's the thing you humans do before marriage, right? You explained it to me."

"Us hum-" She freezes and Kara can pinpoint the exact moment recognition drawn upon her. "Kara." She whispers.

"So... yeah. I lied during an interview. I'm not 100% normal, as you know." Kara lowers her head and looks bashfully up at her. "But I already have complete and utter devotion to you."

 

* * *

 

 

It takes Cat three steps to circle her own desk and be close enough to take Kara in her arms. Finally. Sweet, lovely, innocent Kara. She wants to kiss her.

And that surprises Cat most than anything because the picture on her desk did have a dual function.

Remind her Kara was safe, here on Earth.

And remind her she was a child.

And for someone who has always thought of her as a child, Cat feels an unusual need to put her hands and lips on her. She wants to know how if she's as soft as she looks under that terrible cardigan. Under her I'm 100% normal, armor.

She sees her own hand on Kara's cheek before registering the movement.

And Kara nuzzles into it like it's her calling, her own hand raising to pull it closer.

She almost moans at the sight. She should have not been given so much power over another person. So much trust.

Cat is shaking, she realizes. She wishes she wasn't. And Kara, God, Kara is looking at her like she has done nothing else in her whole life, than get ready for this moment. Her eyes are so open, so earnest, so utterly filled with devotion and need to be held. To be closer.

She waits almost long enough for the girl to falter. _Worthwhile_. She remembers. _Not_ _worthwhile_. Oh, God, what she had done, for this half-Goddess from the stars to feel anything less than special. "God, Kara." She whispers, before enveloping her in her arms.

Cat is too short and her arms too thin. But Kara crumbles in her arms like the little girl she was expecting.

_You made her little._

 

* * *

 

 

Winn has never been very good at small talk. With women. Like, that small talk guys do that ends them with a telephone number.

But for few minutes, with the dorky potential assistant, he thought he had played his cards right. Unconsciously. He couldn't really turn it up on purpose. But sometimes, he manages to not completely bungle up a conversation.

And now, he is watching through the glass. Miss Grant looks annoyed. Then vaguely interested. He really hopes she hires the girl. So he could gain the courage to ask her out. Or something.

 _Oh_. The girl is laughing and miss Grant looks... angry. Not good. Not good at all. Miss Grant is going to chew her up. Or have her thrown out the window. Or... _Oh_.

Oh. Oh. Oh. _Oh_.

He knows what he is watching. He has seen it in movies. And he has seen it in college. Or pubs. Soulmates recognizing each others. He has seen that look on many people before. The _I finally found you_. _It's you_. He's always amazed by it. He can truly see the world reassess itself in their eyes.

And Cat Grant, if her wikipedia page was to be trusted, has waited for too long.

The embrace is sudden. And lasts for way too long for it to be comfortable. And the private moment has gained quite the audience.

People whisper. People bicker. Then they all agree.

Their boss was done being stuck in a twenty-five years old body.

People grin all around him. After all, it is always reason for celebration. No matter how big of a bitch their boss can be sometimes. They stand up. One after the other. People from other offices are called.

And when their boss, tugs her girl's arm, the embrace not really broken, to guide her to the private elevator, the applause starts.

Miss Grant does send an half-hearted glare in their general direction. But the girl, Kara Danvers, he reminds himself, laughs softly and leans into her.

And he wonders how this whole soulmate thing actually works because his just snaps at him from time to time, no real interest in meeting. And the dorky, stuttering girl has just landed herself Cat Grant.

 _I've just seen Cat Grant meet her bondmate._ He writes on his arm. And the answer is unusually immediate.

_Do tell._

 

* * *

 

 

Cat is leading her to an elevator. The one security told Kara to never, ever, use. She doesn't usually like small places. Tries to avoid them when she can. But Cat is holding her hand so tightly she would have probably broken some bones if Kara were human. And she's looking at her like she can't believe she's here. Like she'd break down if Kara left.

And Kara can't take her eyes off from her.

"You're really pretty." She blurts out, before cringing at the juvenile compliment.

Cat's eyes crinkle with amusement and tenderness, as her whole demeanor changes. The grip on her hand is no longer white-knuckled. Her shoulders sag and she lets her head fall against the girl's clavicle. "Oh, Kara."

She gasps, instinctively bringing her arms around the smaller woman. Nobody has ever said her name like that. There's so much emotion behind it, she feels like it's the first time she actually hears her own name.

And she feels so perfect. Smells so good. And she never, ever wants to leave her side again. Never wants to lose the comfort the weight of her body brings. And Kara thinks she is a little over her head because as soon as the door dings, she's Cat Grant again and she steps out of her grasp as easily as she steps out of the elevator.

Here, on Earth, she's just Kara Danvers. And she understands, with each step she takes in Cat's skyscraper, why she has wanted her afar until she had actually become someone she could be proud of.

This time, Kara realizes, she's too early.

She feels the urge to apologize. She's not sorry. But she does own her an apology. Needs to explain how this wasn't premeditated. How she truly didn't know.

"Home." Cat orders, once they climb in the backseat of a car. The man behind the wheel nods.

And then Cat's leaning against her again. And she can't help but place a kiss on her head, to allow herself this one moment, before reality crashes on her.

Cat pulls away. And she thinks that is it. And she squeezes her eyes shut because she's not ready for it to end. She is not.

She barely feels the hands on her cheeks. A tug on the lapels of her cardigan. And then, Kara eyes widen in surprise. She's not ready for this either.

She's kissing her. Cat Grant is kissing Kara Danvers in her car, the driver taking them _Home_.

Well, not kissing _kissing_ her, she admits. But she's peppering kisses all over her face. And Kara tries to put her hands on the other woman's hips and back, like she's seen other people do and she... doesn't have any idea of what to do.

Kara is kind of afraid to admit it. But she hasn't actually kissed anybody and she's Cat freaking Grant.

And her soulmate. And they are supposed to kiss each other and it's going to be her first kiss and she'll probably be bad at it and Cat will be so disappointed because first kisses between soulmates are supposed to be magical and perfect and passionate and romantic.

She can't do this. She knows she'll have to try at some point. But she also knows she will fail.

The though makes her tense and _oh, no_ , Cat is pulling away again and Kara is petrified. And oh, she's talking and Kara can't hear a single word. _Why can't you hear?_

"Kara. Kara, darling, breath. Breath."

She exhales. Breath. "I-" She tries, but her voice sounds wrong.

"Shh, darling. Just breath."

She obeys, and Cat is holding her. She's holding her and Kara wants to laugh and cry and _Rao_ , she's such a living disaster.

"Are you alright? I'm sorry. I-"

"Overload." She manages to utter. "I went into overload. It... hasn't happened in a long time. It happens when I'm nervous."

"It's my fault. The elevator. And the car. I know small places and new experiences sometimes..." She trails off. "I'm sorry. I... I really want to finally take you home."

She closes her eyes and leans her head back. She's going home. Cat is taking her home. And she tracing little circles with her thumb on her hand and Kara knows she's waiting for some kind of reply. "I've... never... I've never..." The words won't come out. She keeps chocking on them.

When Kara opens her eyes, Cat is giving her a soft smile, offering a pen. And if she actually knew how, she would have kissed her.

Kara doesn't write on her own skin. She writes on Cat's. It's the same, after all. And she wants to remind her of it, even though she's making such a mess of things.

She writes on Cat's shoulder, so Cat can read the words appearing on Kara's.

 _I've never been kissed_. She hears the almost imperceptible gasp. The erratic beat. _I've never been held. Not like that. Not on Earth_.

Kara expects her to pull away. For good, this time.

But Cat just gently nuzzles her chin. And Kara feels a wave of affection deep in her chest. "We'll go slow. We've just met, after all. Thank you for your honesty."

"I'm sorry." She adds, her voice still a little raspy. "I'm sorry I'm not good at this. I'm sorry I'm not..."

"You're not?"

"Enough." She sounds pathetic.

"Oh, Kara. You're more than enough." Cat lifts her chin until she meet her gaze. "And not just because you're really pretty, too."

"Am I?" She cringes again. _Rao, just shut up_.

"You are... exquisite." And there's a mischievous glint in Cat's eyes that makes her breath catch. "And Kara. You do not have to feel ashamed. I feel... privileged and so blessed, to be the one you're going to share your firsts with. Everything you're comfortable sharing, of course." The woman bites her lip and she's so incredibly sexy Kara almost replies _Everything_. "We may be soulmates, but you're still your own person and I'm not entitled to any part of you, you don't freely give."

"Yeah?" Kara croaks out. "I mean, yeah... of course. We just... But... eventually?" She stammers. "I mean... it's the same for me. You. We're all about consent. Not that it would ever be unwelcome. For me! From you. Not vice versa. You can say no." She finishes weakly. "I'll just shut up, now, ok?"

Cat just looks at her. Lazy and coy and Kara's blushing so hard she has to divert her gaze in fear of lasering her mate. "We can do just anything you want."

She nods.

"But, please, breath."

She nods and breath. _Keep breathing. Stop nodding_.

The car is not moving anymore.

And she tries very hard to not stumble on the way to Cat's penthouse.

 

* * *

 

 

"I have this photo, too." Kara says as she inspects the pictures Cat keeps on the mantle and the older woman walks closer to examine it.

She smiles. It was Carter's first school day and he was grinning shyly at the camera, his curls almost covering his eyes. He looked so small with his too big backpack. "We were almost late for his first day. But I told him he was going nowhere before having a picture taken. I thought you would have like it."

"I've kept them all. Every single thing you sent." Kara chuckles. "My roommate at college, called it my Do-It-For-Him shrine."

"Do it for him?"

"Have you ever seen _the Simpsons_?"

Cat is confused from the question. She knew Kara is young. But she hoped not that young. "The cartoon where people are yellow?"

"Yeah."

"I've interview Matt Groening, but I can't say I've ever seriously seen it."

Kara laughs softly. "Of course, you did." She takes a deep breath. "Homer Simpson, the father, gets into debt when his youngest daughter is born and has to ask for a loan to his ex-boss. So he goes back to work for him." She has this little sad smile that breaks Cat's heart. "His boss, being kind of evil, hangs a sign that reads _Don't Forget. You are here forever._. So he glues photos on his daughter on it, until it spells _Do it for her_."

"It seems incredibly profound for a cartoon."

"It has few more layers than the common cartoon, Cat."

"Well... it appears I own mister Groening an apology, after all." She hesitates. "You weren't in debt, were you?"

"No. The Danvers took great care of me."

"I'm glad."

There's an uncomfortable silence for few minutes, as Kara keeps pointedly staring at every photo hanged in the house, nervously fiddling with her hands.

Cat, on her part, is completely out of her depth.

"Carter will come home at 5." She tries. "I'm sure you can't wait to meet him."

Kara blinks and her whole body becomes alive. "I really can't. God, I'm sure he is grown so much." There's so much yearning in her voice, Cat wonders, for the second time today, if keeping her distance and not take her as soon as she was legal was actually the best choice.

"He has." She agrees, because it makes no sense to lie and say she hasn't missed anything, before taking a deep breath. "We have several hours to ourselves, before. What do you want to do?"

"Talk? I mean. We have to talk." The woman stands up and walks up to her. "And Cat, I need to assure you I did not know you were... _Cat Grant_."

Her voice inflection changes when she says her full name. And part of Cat can't help but be proud. She worked hard to reach where she is today. Where people say her name as a brand. The other... well, she has never meant to be Cat Grant for Kara.

"I swear. I'd never go behind your back like that." She continues.

She rolls her eyes and raises a hand. Effectively shutting the girl up. "Kara, I've known you for decades. I know you're not able of that kind of deception."

"You're not angry? Or disappointed?"

"No, Kara." She sighs. She has to fix it. Whatever makes Kara feel so insecure. _Not... worthwhile_. She reminds herself. _Damn_.

"I mean... I did look you up. Cat-Grant-you. Not Cat-you. But your age. And Adam! And... you're dating Maxwell Lord!"

"They call me the Queen of all media, darling. I can hide some information. Or edit my wikipedia page. And I can assure you I'm not dating Max Lord."

She seems slightly relieved, but still somehow fearful. "You aren't?"

"No. We bonded over having too young soulmates. And I've needed a plus one for some events. He was available and unlikely to actually hit on me." Cat shrugs. "He's not a friend. You don't really make friends in this ambient. But he's pretty close to one."

Kara lowers her eyes to the floor dejectedly. And Cat realizes how her words could have sounded. "I know you still think I'm too young. That..." She gestures vaguely to herself. "I'm not in your league. I can see why you didn't want to meet me, yet. I could... go, I guess?"

"Kara, sit down." Kara obeys immediately and Cat flinches. She hadn't meant for that to come out as an order. But barking orders is what she does all days.

Not to Kara. Not if she wants to build anything with this gift fate has given her.

"I've waited for you for so long. So very long. There has not been a single day, in my whole life, where I haven't wished for you."

She looks up, genuinely confused. "Then why? Why wait?"

"I... I thought I had lost you. For so many years. And then you came back. But you were unapproachable. And I told myself that this..." She points at the writings on her arm. "had to be enough. Fate gave you back to me." Cat smiles melancholy. "I couldn't be so... selfish to just wreck your life with the circus that's mine as soon as it was legal."

"Wreck my life?!" She splutters. "How could it ever wreck my life? We're soulmates, Cat. My life was always going to intertwine with yours."

"I'm a public person, Kara. There will be cameras. People will scrutinize your life as closely as they scrutinize mine." She takes a deep breath, shoulders raising and falling. "And people will be mean. Because we're two women. Because there's Carter. Because you have not even stopped aging and I've been the same age for as long as people remember and-"

"Are you ashamed of me?" Kara cuts her off.

"God, no." She rushes to hold her hand because Kara has to know she really means this. "I'm proud. So very proud. But I've had almost forty years to come to terms with how people were going to treat me once this was out. I had the chance to plan. Picked the right sponsors, the right investors, supported the right politicians - if such thing exists. I made sure it wouldn't really damaged me.  But you've been here for just few years. And sure, it's not the eighties anymore but... until now, you've only encountered some casual homophobia, but things can be a lot worst when you're in the public eye."

"I've survived the death of my planet." She snaps. "I can take a few mean words."

Cat stares at her unimpressed. Because yes, she has. And yes, she can. But Kara forbid to pity her years ago. And she knows the rules. "You're not allowed to use that card, Kara. We talked about this."

She freezes. And the victimized millennial attitude fades away and there's a hint of a smile on her lips and she's shaking her head in amazement. Like she has just realized it's actually Cat the woman in front of her. "We did." She brings Cat hand to her lips. "I'm sorry. I was acting like a brat. Probably not helping my case."

Cat shakes her head. "I'm sorry, too. I just... wanted to protect you. For as long as I could. And I was scared once you realized what you had actually gotten into, you would..."

"I would?"

"Resent me. Us."

"Never. Cat, I could never."

"You say this now but..." She sighs.

"I've known you my whole life, too." She's nudging her to stand up and sit close to her. "And ok, I may not have forty years of planning. Or experienced homophobia in the eighties." Kara pokes at her side and she can't help but squirm a little like a child, leaning a little closer and nuzzling her face to the hollow between the girl's shoulder and neck.

Cat takes a deep breath and wonders how is it possible to already feel so much intimacy with another person. Sure, she's hers. And she's always known. But she could have never hoped it to feel like this.

"But I'm ready for this. And Cat... staying away from you, from Carter... fucking hurts." Cat opens her mouth, but Kara keeps going. "Maybe not constantly. And not as bad. But it's always there. Like a background noise. Or like a screaming banshee. And it hurts. And I put so much work in being someone you could want by her side. And I'll never stop, Cat. No matter what happens. Even if you wish to keep us a secret."

"It was never my intention." She replies. She has read this words. Interpreted them for juvenile eagerness. But spoken aloud... she can actually hear the pain behind the words. "I... I didn't mean to make you feel like less than you are. _Not worthwhile_. I swear, Kara. Hiding you was never my intention. Hell, had you come on time, we would have beaten Ellen to the punch."

Kara snorts, but she's also laughing. So maybe this is not going to be so depressing.

"I could have had my own show." Kara lets out a giggle, as she start to wave her hands exaggerating, before raising them as to open an imaginary banner. "Imagine: _The Cat Grant Show_." She smiles at her and she'll never tire of her sweetly amused expression. So she pretends to think about it for a minute, index finger tapping on her chin. "No, wait. I did that."

"I remember." Kara is blushing. And Cat grins, because even thought she couldn't have confirmed it, she can't forget the rush of seeing Alex's words on her back.

And she bites her lip. In the way she knows Kara liked. Taking great pleasure in seeing her pupils dilate slightly. She leans into her, nudging her cheek with her nose. "Can I kiss you, now?"

Her voice is breathy and hoarse already. "Yes." And Cat shivers because God, Kara is so effortlessly sexy and doesn't even know it. "Cat..."

The CEO presses her lips to her cheek. Lingering there, as she feels her gasp and tremble beneath her. "You're more than enough." She whispers against her skin, before pressing another kiss, just a little lower than the first. "More than worthwhile." She plants yet another kiss to the corner of her mouth. "More than I could ever possibly have dreamed of."

Cat sits straighter for a moment, Kara eyes are closed, but she can see the overwhelming emotion on her face. And even if she looks like she's seconds away from breaking, she knows she needs this. They both do.

So she bends over her and she catches her earlobe with her mouth. And she quivers against her. Then Cat bites it. Not even all that gently, knowing she needs to actually feel it. "You're mine, Kara." She inhales sharply and Cat returns to her safe spot against her neck. And she waits there, as still as she dares, until Kara exhales softly.

"How I am going to survive you?" She asks earnestly and Cat nuzzles deeper in the embrace. Cat's never had anyone look at her like that.

"Tell me what you want, Kara." She says. "And I'd give it to you. Anything."

"Really? Anything I want."

"Well, within reason."

Kara looks down at her. So innocent. So trusting. So completely vulnerable. "I want to be kissed. Really kissed." She squares her shoulders. "I want to learn. I know I'll probably be bad at it but-"

Cat can't help herself. She straddles her, like a teenager. And Kara words get caught in her throat. "Breath." She whispers to the girl, her own breath against her cheek. And does nothing else until she's sure Kara is alright.

She takes her hands, then, with a gentleness reserved only for Carter. Intertwining their fingers together, and she kisses her knuckles, still paying attention to the girl's astounded expression.

And slowly, very slowly, she plant them on her own thighs. There, touching her skin where the dress has hiked up. And Cat relishes both the contact and the spontaneous gasp that escapes Kara's lips.

Cat takes her time. Taking off the lead lined glasses. Freeing her hair from the ponytail. Passing her fingertips through the blond tresses.

Kara hands clench and unclench around Cats thighs. Not hard enough to hurt. But enough to feel them.

Cat nuzzles her chin with her lips and curls her hand around the nape of her neck. A beat. A pause. When she leans back almost imperceptibly and Kara's breath hitches and Cat dares a glance in her eyes.

And when she finally kisses Kara, it feels like her first kiss too.

Kara is perfect. So unconsciously responsive. Leaning closer every time Cat pulls back. Gasping so softly every time she sucks on her tongue or bite her lip. Following her, kiss after kiss, unhurriedly but steady.

Cat was prepared for awkwardness, nose bumping and giggles. Or, perhaps, her freezing. Again.

But Kara lips are in perfect sync with hers. Gentle, warm and without any agenda.

When Cat breaks the kiss, a hand on the rapidly rising and falling collarbone to keep Kara in place, she's amused and amazed by the confused arousal in the alien's eyes.

Cat chuckles softly as she melts against her mate, her fingertips tracing a path along the side of her neck, foreheads touching.

"I stand by my previous assessment. You are exquisite, Kara Zor-El."

She beams, and Cat thinks that maybe she has actually started to believe it.

She has an infectious grin Cat knows she is mirroring. And when Kara raises to meet her lips, teeth clinking together because their smiles are still a little too wide, she decides this is actually her favorite kind of kissing, _ever_.

 

* * *

 

 

Kara doesn't really know how she ended up in her bed. And actually _more_ dressed than she went in.

Cat is lying on her, face pressed against her sternum and Kara is finally holding her. And she doesn't know how many hours have passed.

But Cat said something about comfy house-wear. And not being able to concentrate with Kara's dress hem going up. And the pros of laying down.

So here she is. Holding her soulmate in pajama pants and a sleeveless top and just... breathing her in.

Kara feels so blessed and decides to press a kiss on her cheek.

She can sense her shifting, Cat smile ghosting on her neck and she trembles in anticipation. Numerous make-out sessions today had started just like that.

The memories make Kara shiver. She has never felt so... _desirable_. But Cat had touched her with nothing but want and affection and she's already foolishly in love with her.

And now, Cat lips are skimming aimlessly until they are close enough to hers to capture them with the slightest tilt of her head.

Kara's hand is just curling around her hips when she hears it.

Hears _him_.

And when she looks at Cat for confirmation, the woman just blinks, dazed and slow, before smiling as she glances at the clock.

"It's time." Cat says, raising to her feet and offering her hand.

 

* * *

 

 

 _Something is amiss_ , Carter thinks, as his nanny tells him his mother is already home. So she won't come inside.

No, her actual words are _I'm not allowed inside_.

And that's all kind of strange, because his mother revels in terrorizing his nannies, every few weeks.

He wonders if she has fired her, but dismisses the idea. His mother would never risk him being near a disgruntled ex-employer.

He unlocks the door gingerly and closes it with even more caution.

"Mom?" He calls toward the kitchen.

He hears rustling from behind him, so he turns sharply and... _Oh_.

There's his mother. With the widest smile he has ever seen on her. And trailing behind her, letting herself be lead from the hand, with a bashful smile and rosy cheeks, there's a woman he would recognize everywhere.

Even without the glasses and the desperation.

"Mama."  Her smile broadens and he's rushing towards her.

She catches him effortlessly and he remembers this hug. Strong and gentle and trembling and unwavering.

He had been a little bit scared, once upon a time, that his mama didn't really love him. Just considered him part of his mother baggage. And from time to time, he did feel a little insecure about it. In those moments, he closed his eyes and let the memory of her holding him wash over him.

The feeling of being wanted and loved, no matter what.

She's pressing her lips against his hair, mumbling _love you_ s and _missed yous_ and slightly pained _grown up so muchs_.

"Please, don't leave me." He blurts out. And he manages to bite down the _Again_. Because he knows it wasn't her fault. She has to know he doesn't blame her.

"Never ever again." She claps her hands on either side of his face and pushes their foreheads together. She's crying but she's looking in his eyes so intensely and he knows this is important. "I love you so much, Carter El Grant. No power in this universe could ever keep me separated from you."

"Mama." He is in her arms again. He melts into her embrace as if it is the safest place on Earth. Probably it is.

 

* * *

 

 

When Carted had told her about meeting Kara at Comic-Con, he had gushed about of pretty she was and how cool her dress looked and how funny his Aunt Alex was.

Only when he was ready for bed, he whispered how he had called out for her. And how she hugged him. _Like she never wanted to let me go. Like she'd never have another chance._ , had been his words.

She had dismissed them. She had not really allowed the words to sink in. She had consciously twisted them. Telling herself that Carter's aversion for hugs and human contact, had made it so the hug they shared had seemed interminable to him. Suffocating. Made him uncomfortable, somehow.

And what fool she has been.

She has probably put the people she loves the most through a useless torture, in the righteous conviction it was in their own best interest.

 _Damn_. She has turned into _Clark Kent_.

She doesn't know what to do with herself in this happy ending scene where she's the villain. But she can't stop watching them. So broken and so enamored with each other and _why did you not notice it before?_

She's about to leave them in their reunion when something stops her.

It's the tug on her wrist, where Kara's hand just grabbed her.

And Carter's hopeful expression.

The way they're quick to forgive. Quick to tug her down and let her wrap her arms around them and the chorus of _It's ok. It's ok._ every time she says she's sorry.

"We're together, now." Kara whispers.

"El Mayara." Carter whispers reverently, holding both their hands.

Kara smiles at him, free and unbidden, as she moves a curl from his eyes, before letting the hand fall in hers.

Even wet with tears and red-eyed, is her most beautiful expression, yet. Even more beautiful that flushed and well-kissed.

She can't wait to see more.

 

* * *

 

 

_You're together, you're together, you're together._

They are eating on the floor, cuddled together in a silly living-room picnic, because neither of them could fathom being apart. Not touching. Her person and her son - because Kara never considered him to be anything less than that -, both leaning their weight on her.

And she has never been touched so much and for so long since she fell on Earth.

Her foster family loves her. She has never doubted it. But they've always been flighty and quick in their shows of affection. Well, except Jeremiah. But Jeremiah, while steady in his caring, had been too busy, too worried. And they all hesitated, before a hug. Or a peck on the cheek. Just that moment of hesitation that made the touching awkward and practiced.

She has not noticed how much starved for contact she was, until she felt the Grants' affectionate touch. The way they curl against her. The way Carter leans over her as he tries to reach the salad dressing.

The way Cat rolls her eyes before pressing a napkin against Kara's lips.

And when she fondly mutters _You big child._ , Kara is not even offended. She just sticks her tongue out until Cat jabs her in the abdomen.

She knows she can be childish. And there's no use in pretending otherwise. She has also always known the kind of woman Cat was. Could always see the affectionate eye-roll behind her words, even behind her most patronizing comments.

And actually seeing that expression...

Kara can't help but smile and wonder if it's such an incredible experience for Cat, too.

It's almost painful to detach from them for a quick trip to the bathroom. Kara leaves in an awkward backwards walk until she misses the door and instinctively turns to apology to the hit wall.

She blushes and the Grants let out identical snorts and she grins.

They are hers.

And when she returns, Cat is smiling mischievously and Carter looks kind of nervous.

"What?" She asks softly.

"We have ten years worth of baby albums waiting for you." She says. "As soon as you wish."

"I'd love to." And she really, really wants to see them. "Nothing would make me happier."

 

* * *

 

 

Kara was supposed to call her ten hours ago.

Alex grins.

Cat kind-of-a-bitch Grant.

Holding her baby sister like there's nothing else she'd rather do.

For the world to see in high definition on every freaking gossip website.

She half-heartedly wonders if it's safe to call, yet.

Then she shakes her head. She so doesn't want to go there.

She looks down at her blank arms and bites her lip, before grabbing a marker.

_I know you're there._

 

* * *

 

 

It's past his bedtime. His mother still hasn't mentioned it. But his mama does. She must be used to check the time, as she always called him before bed. She looks at the clock and raises an eyebrow up at him.

Carter instinctively presses his chin on his chest, before slowly lifting his head. Her expression has not changed one bit until she leans close enough to move few locks from his eyes.

"Get ready for bed."

He inhales sharply and nods quickly, before rushing to the bathroom. He puts on his favorite pajamas, pays extra attention at brushing his teeth and scrubbing his face.

He remembers the nights spent on the phone, sweet lullabies and funny stories and wishing she could be there for the goodnight kiss.

For a moment, he feels deep dread at the though of her being gone by the time he's done. He knows it's irrational. But it's still there and growing. So he runs back to the living room, using his sleeves to catch the water drops he hasn't caught in his hasty drying.

He finds them in the kitchen, pink tinted and nose to nose. His mom on the countertop, a leg curled lazily around his mama, looking up to her because his mom is really tiny and his mama is really tall.

When Kara turns towards him, mom still has her arms draped on her shoulders.

They both smile at him, then his mother lets out an embarrassing squeal as mama comes over him. Somehow managing to walk and securing her for a piggyback ride.

"Are you going to tuck me in?" He's fidgeting. "I mean... if you want to."

She grins. "Not today, Carter."

His eyes widens and he feels something ugly inside his chest. And then she picks him up. Literally picks him up, using just one arm, holding him to her body until he relaxes and leans his head on her shoulder. His mom smiling happy and amused from her own precarious position.

Carter knew his mama was strong. Strong as Superman, because she was Super in her own right. But as he feels her walking, as if she wasn't carrying two people, he can't help but be awed and he'll never admit it, not even to his person, but he giggles in her neck for the whole ride.

The boy is surprised when she takes them to his mother's bedroom. Laying him in the center, leaning down to kiss his forehead, his mom wriggling around her back, trying to not fall. They both know Kara won't let her. He guesses his mother just wants to appear cool, even if she's being carried ridiculously. And he giggles up at them.

His mom winks at him, as she regains her equilibrium. But then, she's getting settled too. On her usual side of bed.

She's laying on her side and curling around him before Kara can climb on the other side.

His mama, who his facing him and taking him hand and in that moment reminds him so much of the desperate girl he met at the Comic-Con.

"Hope you don't mind. I... I'm not ready to let you out of my sight, yet. Both of you." There's no playfulness in her voice. And he feels his mom holding him tighter.

"Does it mean I'm not going to school tomorrow?" He tries to tease her, even though there's a knot forming in his larynx.

He feels his mom grinning against his shoulder.

"I do have X-ray vision for that."

He smiles. "I'm so happy you're here, mama."

"Me too, Carter." Her eyes are filling with tears again and he feels the familiar ache in his throat.

He doesn't know what to do. And Carter is afraid to cry again if he actually speaks.

So he just tugs at her hand. And in the next moment she's enveloping him and his mother in her arms. And it's kind of warm. And he has never felt safer. Or happier. So he doesn't understand why he's crying, anyway. Truly sobbing like a baby.

But his mothers are around him, caressing his hair and kissing his cheek and his mama is humming that melody he has only ever heard through the phone.

And he falls asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

"Don't you hate me? A little bit?"

Kara turns towards her, diverting her gaze from the school entrance, where Carter has just disappeared. She scowls adorably. "No." Cat stares at her unblinkingly. The stare she uses on her interviewed. Usually, if she keeps it up for long enough, the truth starts pouring out.

But Kara keeps looking into her eyes, tilting her head slightly. "Is there a reason why I should I?"

"I made you suffer." She replies honestly. Because beating around the bush is not in her blood. "I made Carter suffer." She pauses. Because truth can hurt when spoken aloud. "I kept you two from each others. You pleaded. You both pleaded. But I still kept you separated."

"Why did you?" She looks curious, but not angry. Or resentful. Just, curious. There's still affection in her voice.

"Because I was scared. Scared of ruining your life. Scared of you just putting up with Carter but not really-" She shakes her head. The thought of her not loving Carter seems preposterous to her now. "I was scared you would resent me for placing a kid in your life before you were ready. Of having him in the first place and not having waited for you when I knew you were alive, somewhere. I thought you would be disappointed in me."

"I'm not." She replies simply. "And I don't. Resent you or whatever." She takes a deep breath, her smile a little bit sad, gaze unfocused.

"When I came on Earth I was distraught. The only thing who made me smile was watching broken kryptonese appear on my arms. And even thought it was a comfort - a great comfort - I kind of took you for granted." Her eyes squint as she looks up. "I had just lost my whole family. My planet. My culture. And my purpose."

Cat nods. She knows it had been hard on her, realizing Kal-El did not need her. Nor was particularly interested of hearing her tales of Krypton.

"I don't think I could have taken if I had lost you, too. I couldn't even imagine what you had went thought when I vanished for 24 years. But still... part of me, took you for granted. And consider, I still did not know what soulbonds really were. Everybody had kind of assumed I knew."

Cat smiles, remembering how her sister had to break that particular news to her.

"And when you told me about Carter." She exhales, suddenly her whole face animated with happiness and parental pride and childish glee. "I was so happy, Cat."

Cat blinks, startled by the intensity of her words, and maybe her eyes are kind of wet, too. Her hand moves on its on accord, grasping Kara's.

"It filled me with so much hope. Hope for the future. And I hadn't dared to hope so much since you drew two sticky persons on my arm." She shakes her head. "You always fill me with hope." She adds, her voice softening. "Having you has my person, has been such a sweet promise."

"Oh, Kara..." She tries to lean closer, but Kara stops her gently, the hand she's not holding on her shoulder.

"But, let me make this one thing clear." She is staring in her eyes so intensely she would believe just about anything Kara says. "He is not a substitute to Kal-El. Kal was my baby cousin. And is still the last promise I made and broke to my parents. He was supposed to be a sign of hope on my planet. And he'll always be family. And in a way, I'll always love him." She pauses, not breaking eye contact. "But Carter is my son. I feel him under my skin as deeply as I feel you. He is a promise I made to myself. A promise I made to you. He is the purest hope I have in this life. On this planet. Or the previous. Or the next."

Cat leans against her as soon as she's allowed to. And Kara keeps talking.

"When he was born, I finally understood why my parents sent me away. And with time, I was able to make peace with their memories. I stopped feeling the weight of their disappointment. Because I could never be disappointed in Carter for something out of his control. Hell, even something in his control."

"You're not to blame for being blasted into the Phantom Zone."

"No. I'm not. Rationally, I knew. But I could never really understand, until Carter."

Cat opens her mouth, only for closing it again. She's at loss. There are so many things she wants to say. So many apologies that bear repeating. But nothing sounds right in her head.

"Plus, you didn't really keep us apart." She picks up, her tone lighter. "You orchestrated our meeting, when I was in Saint Diego. You let us talk over the phone." Kara laughs. "I can't believe his father was actually expecting me to just go up at them and take his kid. Alex was hysterical. She was convinced we were going to be convicted for kidnapping."

Cat smiles. "We had a fun conversation, the day before."

"You kept us apart." She says, gesturing to the space between them. "But I can forgive you for that. You weren't ready. You thought it was for the best. You were scared. For a reason or another. I can understand that."

Cat snorts. She can't even begin to explain how absolutely terrified she was. How terrified she still feels.

"That doesn't mean I don't expect you to make it up with me." There's a twinkling in her eyes Cat hadn't seen on her, yet.

"Did you have something in mind?"

Kara grinned, playfully rubbing her nose against hers, but there's a hint of vulnerability in her eyes. "Never. Ever. Do it again."

"I promise." Cat hesitates, before adding. "Kara, I don't want to... I'm not going anywhere." She bites her lips, staring at Kara and hoping the right words will come to her, because what she is about to say could make them or destroy them.

How is she going to explain that was the only promise she could make Kara? That she can't promise a happy ending. Or a perfect relationship. That she has vices and some days she can be downright ornery. That she will seem patronizing and insensitive, and she will hurt Kara at some point.

Kara rolls her eyes. "Don't worry, Ms. Grant. We'll go slow."

And Cat laughs. She laughs and laughs until Kara is watching her with a puzzled little smile and her eyes are squinting, too, behind the lead-lined glasses. And she laughs until she isn't laughing anymore.

Then she kisses and kisses and her hands don't wander because they have all the time they were promised a lifetime ago.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally!
> 
> This is the kind of mindless, happy fluff I wanted to write. lol
> 
> Of course, there are many issues that still need to be addressed. But later. Let's enjoy a moment of fluffiness. ;)


	5. The One Where Nothing Happens (Not Really)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. So...
> 
> I'm late.
> 
> Things have been messy here in Italy. :/
> 
> But well, here we are.
> 
> You guys still reading this: You're great!

_"Love is not sufficient. It never has been. Stories that claim otherwise are lies. There's always SOMETHING after happily ever after."_  
_\- Arthur Phillips, The Song Is You_

 

* * *

 

 

Alex is looking longingly at her bedroom. There's a lead box under her bed, with one of her favorites guns in dire need of a good cleaning.

She sighs, hopping off the breakfast stool and leaving the empty cup of coffee next the one of the day before, before sitting down on the couch her sister was _supposed_ to sleep in last night.

There's another lead box in her bedroom she's supposed to give her sister. And she hopes she's not too late for that. But then, Kara hasn't called her in a panic, so everything is probably alright.

She shrugs at herself, before frowning. Shrugging in an empty house could as well being the first step to talking alone.

She's saved by self-diagnosing a mental illness to the familiar sound of a key slipping through the hole.

And prepares her game face.

"Look, what we have here. My little sister doing the walk of shame." The tone is light and teasing, and Alex hides her worry behind the easy banter. Truth was, she had been ready to take as many personal days at the D.E.O. as she could until Kara returned home.

Kara may have a soulmate, but she is still Alex's little sister.

And Alex needs to know. Needs to make sure everything has gone exactly how her sister has always dreamed. Needs to know if Cat Grant is going to pull the rug from under her sister feet again.

Kara blushes predictably at her question and Alex almost grins. "I know I should have called-"

Alex waves her off. "There was no need. You've been the talk of the day."

"What?" Kara shrieks adorably, before rushing to her laptop.

Alex watches amused as the girl keeps tapping her fingers against the table, probably irritated by the computer's lack of super-speed.

"Damn!" Kara frowns, few minutes later. "We even have our own _hashtag_. And who shoot this photo?"

"You met in a room full of reporters. What did you expect?"

"I can't believe it. Cat had warned me, but... Really?"

Alex shakes her head. "You own me, by the way. Mom has called me three times already. And I had to tell her I had no idea when you were going to be back."

"Why should I own you? You didn't even cover for me!"

Alex taps the screen pointedly, before raising her right hand near her ear, pretending to hold a phone. "Yeah. Hey mom, no, Kara was just hugging Cat Grant because her interview went incredibly well. Yes, I know how it looks. No. It was only the ritual welcome hug the C.E.O. personally gives to every new employer at CatCo. Kara is sleeping, now. Yeah, at 4 p.m."

Kara pouts, folding her arms and Alex just looks at her unimpressed, tilting her head. "I still don't see why I should own you."

"I had to talk to Eliza." She shrugs. "Seems it's my fault I let you go out to meet your soulmate dressed like that."  She huffs, nodding to the clothes Kara is still wearing.

Kara looks down and frowns. "What's wrong with what I'm wearing?"

"Nothing, Kara. It's just her talent to always find something to blame me for." Kara frowns deepens and Alex rushes to return their attention on Kara. "So, let's talk how you became a minor celebrity overnight."

Kara snorts. "I'm not a celebrity."

"You have a hashtag."

Her sister sighs and lowers her head, before glancing up at her. "It's really happening, isn't it?"

Alex feels her own facial feature softening against her will. She knows Kara is not talking about the reflected fame. And the girl looks panicked and excited like the first time her cells had finally stored enough sun radiation to fly.

She had ended up face-first on the concrete after two minutes, that time.

Alex hopes this is not going to go like that. She doubts Kara would just laugh it off and try again.

"It really is."

Kara is biting her lip, the corners of her mouth raising in a timid smile and Alex rushes to take the girl in her arms for a quick hug, patting her arms as she lets go.

"Yeah... well... promise you'll be careful? No getting caught flying or tripping into a wall and... break the wall."

"I'm always careful."

"Then be extra careful."

"Don't worry." Alex narrows her eyes, faking mistrust. "I promise, Alex."

She nods and retrieves a bag of Oreos from the cupboard. She evades Kara's hand as the girl playfully launches herself on the package and goes to the couch, sitting down and patting the space next to her. "Come on. I'll give you a cookie."

The girls sits down and she's at her third one before Alex even notices the bag is opened.

"Really, Kara? Using your powers for evil? And didn't Cat feed you?"

"She made pancakes." Kara lets out that barely decent moan that always follows when she speaks about food she enjoys. Like, any kind of food, really.

"Ok... now, details please." Kara opens her mouth, but Alex cuts her off. "And not about the pancakes!"

Kara half pouts for a moment, before shedding off the playful sister act. She even stops eating. She tilts her head down, both her hands holding an half-eaten Oreo. There's something softer in her features and a dreamy, far away little smile. The Cat-is-great smile. But this time, her eyes are not lost staring at nothing. They are shining and moving like she's recalling every single memory from the day before and she can't decide which one is her favorite.

It makes Alex's breath hitch. It's beautiful. She can feel the happiness Kara exudes and she knows she will never forget this moment. The moment when her little sister wordlessly tells her she's finally happy, she's finally home and she's finally in love.

That every dream she ever had has come true.

There's jealousy, too. Somewhere in her chest. Because Kara has slowly become the center of Alex's life. But Alex is always been on the backstage, keeping her safe without her not even knowing it. And while her love for Kara is nothing but sisterly, she could never love someone else that deeply. And she could never compete with Cat. Not in Kara's eyes.

Cat is Cat. And no matter how much hurt she could cause Kara, she'll always be Cat.

And Alex... Alex will always stand by Kara, even when the girl will be too busy playing house.

(There's a little bit of envy, too. But Alex has learned to choke it down a long time ago.)

"Ok. Enough. I didn't need to know that much!"

Kara throws the cookie at Alex. "Don't be mean!"

"I'm not the one throwing food around." She smiles and means it. She has missed this. Kara being happy and carefree and not the moping mess she had become. It hurt, not being able to reach her, the knowledge only one person could and that she was the cause of her grief. She has felt helplessness and anger. But no matter how much she resents the power Cat holds over Kara, she is happy for her sister. "So, how did it go?"

"Shouldn't you be at work?"

"Don't deflect."

She sighs. "She's so beautiful, Alex. And her wrist is so tiny! And Carter is this high, already. And they have a whole collection of boardgames. And Cat had my photo on her desk! At work! She was really nervous and so sweet. And she has this really kissable little smile and we slept together and-"

"Whoa! Don't go there!"

"Not like that! Carter was in bed with us. We just... cuddled. And we talked a little when he fell asleep and I got to hold them all night."

"I have to admit, I'm surprised you're even here. I thought I wasn't going to see you for at least a week."

She smiles and raises her shoulder. "Cat had some urgent meeting. And Carter has school. I'm going to pick him up later."

"Can I come with?"

"Absolutely! He'll be so thrilled to see you, too!"

 

* * *

 

 

"No."

Cat takes a moment to survey the room. Three angry, four frustrated, one falsely apologetic and six smug-looking.

She has worked with worse odds.

"Now, miss Grant..."

"Miss Geller, please, let me interrupt you." She says, doing just that before the woman could finish her sentence. She respects the woman well enough. She has always been ruthless in her business but generous in her charity donations and she is probably the member of the board she despises less. And Cat understands her frustration. Were the roles inverse, she would have pushed and manipulated until the other woman could only nod in acquiescence.

But they are not.

And Cat is ready to fight on this.

"While I don't mind being subjected to the public eye - after all," She indicates herself with an emphatic diva movement of her arms, "I've worked hard for that, I'm not going to drag other people in this circus. Especially people I care about."

"Come on, Grant, you want us to believe this meeting wasn't an elaborated publicity stunt?"

"You're free to believe what you want, Dirk." She smiles cutely at him, but her eyes hardens. It's just the menacing look she was going for. "But my answer remains the same."

He raises his arms in mock surrender. Cat knows it's just a ploy, but she feigns gratitude.

"You have to realize, surely," She reigns in the impulse to not roll her eyes. Albert Davis. He never loses the patronizing tone and he always thinks himself as the voice of reason. "That even if CatCo, the Tribune, decides to not cover this story, other tabloids are bound to. You don't really control all Media, no matter what your title says."

Now, she rolls her eyes. "I don't see how it calls for an urgent board meeting."

"The Tribune is slacking. And you have the story people are dieing to read under wraps just because it concerns you."

"The Tribune has never been that kind of tabloid. And this is hardly the story of the century. Soulmates meet everyday."

Dirk Armstrong grins acrimoniously. "No, of course not. It is not the story of the century. Lois Lane has the exclusive for that."

Cat stares at him, keeping her face blank. And lets her mind slip in a quick fantasy where she jumps on the conference table and proceeds to rip his head clean from his body. With her bare hands. And wonders if she can angle it so only Davis gets bloodied. And John's tie. It's awfully bright.

"If only one of us could fly through windows... I know I can't."

Geller clears her throat, but Cat's gaze stays on Dirk for another few seconds, before turning. "Not to be the one to point at the elephant in the room... but your soulmate is a woman."

Here we go, Cat thinks, as she waits for the other woman to continue. She doesn't. Cat knows where she is going with the sentence. But she isn't going to make it easy. "Yes."

The board seems surprised by the simple answer and Cat enjoys looking at their struggle to find the politically correct words to approach the issue. Well, not-issue, really.

"Not even a woman. A girl. What is she? _Nineteen_?" Someone adds from the other side of the table. Cat doesn't care enough to check.

"We've covered coming out stories, before. Every time a celebrity has come out you slammed it on the Trib. And in the light of the last development, people are going to look at CatCo and see it as a tool you used to perpetuate some sort of gay agenda!". Victor Green almost shouts from his seat.

Cat regards him calmly. "Did you really say gay agenda?" Oh. He's going to get bloodied, too.

Geller looks panicked. "Not what I was going to say!"

Cat would have laughed at complete loss of control, if this wasn't so serious.

"Not that it isn't true." Dirk mutters. _Thin ice, Dirk, thin ice_.

"The what were you going to say, miss Geller?"

She takes a deep breath. It reminds her some of her most fumbling assistants. "The public is going crazy, miss Grant. People feel betrayed. Norm-" Cat raises an eyebrow. "Many feel like Mr. Green as described. Like you purposely fed them a exclusively gay friendly point of view. And members of L.G.B.T. community feel betrayed by the fact you did not come out. And frankly? We feel betrayed, too. You dropped a bombshell on us and on CatCo."

"So you want me to... what?"

"Spin a story. It's what you do best, after all."

"Or?"

"Or we would be forced to ask you to take a sabbatical from CatCo until this story blows down."

Cat smiles, slow and deadly. "Oh, I could spin another story. The one where I'm removed from the helm of my own company because my soulmate happens to be a girl." She chuckles. "It would certainly get me back in the L.G.B.T.'s good graces."

Miss Geller sighs. "Think about it, Cat. Take a day. Talk it over with your girl. Would your answer remain the same, we'll do our thing and you'll do yours."

 

* * *

 

 

Winn is in trouble. Winn is in trouble.

He's going to get fired. And sued. He's going to lose everything. And he'll never get another job. He's going to end up sleeping in box. And he's going to end up in jail.

God, he's going to end up in _jail_.

"Will!" Cat Grant had looked calm and polite until the board was finally stuffed into the communal elevator.

The next moment, she was in a warpath.

"Here! Uhm... yes, miss Grant?" The woman narrows her eyes at him. She knows. She knows. And she's going to kill him.

He gulps and shift his weight a stream of apologies about to leave his mouth, when she interrupts him. "Seems like you're our resident IT genius. Find me whoever leaked that photo to that gossip columnist wanna-be. You have two hours. Someone is going to get fired. It's you or him."

Well. He is going to get fired anyway. "I'm on it."

He returns to his seat on trembling legs and stares at the screen.

He shrugs to himself. Getting fired over his incompetence at finding the culprit sounds like a better deal.

And if he is honest with himself...

He'd do it again in a heartbeat.

 

* * *

 

 

There's something both comforting and suffocating in the polished school hallways.

Everything is always the same. Details may change. Like who is being harassed by whom. Which club gets to hang the biggest recruitment poster. What's the news on the school bulletin board.

But the big things stay the same. The number of the tiles, the position of the drinking fountains, the color of the doors.

Even the light seems to enter with exactly the same intensity and hit everything in the same angle, no matter the weather.

It surely looks the same as yesterday.

Which can't be right.

Because everything is so different, now. Everything is so much better.

Carter has never enjoyed change. But now, he craves it.

Craves some proof that the world has changed, because his has.

For a moment, he's a little scared he has just dreamed it. But no, it can't be possible.

And mama is going to pick him up. She has promised.

He takes a deep breath. He knows he's standing in the hall. And he's going to be late if his feet don't start to move.

But he's frozen. He just wants to run out again and hope his mothers are still outside.

"Hey, Grant."

He blinks and turns. And adds another reason to run out. Ellie McCrae is totally speaking to him. He has never talked to her. She's not even in his grade. But everybody knows her. And knows she's usually up to no good. He flinches.

"Here." She says, as she slams a sheet of paper to his chest, without even stopping walking. "You're gonna come, right?"

He barely catches the sheet and he's a little afraid to read it.

It's a GSA flyer.

When he raises his head again, she's nowhere to be seen.

But he carefully folds the flyer and shoves it in pocket.

It's proof enough.

It's real.

He grins and rushes to class.

And as soon as he as a moment, he raises his sleeves and writes the words he had been too scared to write before.

_Mama came home._

 

* * *

 

 

"Stop bouncing. It's annoying and people are starting to stare." Alex sighs exasperated. "Plus, you're kind of wearing down the ground. Literally. You're leaving an indentation on the asphalt."

"I just can't help it!" Kara knew she was easily excitable. But this is important. A milestone in her life. An official Welcome to adulthood step. "It's my first time." She lowers her gaze to her now dusted shoes. She really has consumed the ground. "I want it to be perfect."

Alex looks at Kara, raising an eyebrow. "You make it sound so romantic. Kara, you're just picking Carter from school."

"It's important for me, Alex. I'm picking up him from school. I am." She snorts. "Not some... nanny woman."

Alex's whole demeanor changes into her _Tell-me-everything-so-I-can-fix-it_ stance.

Which only succeeds in making Kara clamp up.

Kara is not that naive. She knows Alex doesn't like Cat. Which is kind of silly, because she has never met her. And Kara has always been careful to not reveal too much about how she felt about certain issues.

Like the fact Cat pays a woman to take care of Carter while she was left staring at old photos.

And she surely isn't going to speak up now, when Alex is only _days_ away to meet Cat.

Especially not about something as irrational as envy for a complete stranger.

No, Alex can never know how much silly and obvious things could hurt. Not when Alex doesn't even-

She shakes her head. _Nope_. Not going to thing about that neither. Happy moment. Pick up Carter.

"Ugh... when will class end?"

"Well... since you were in a hurry and we walked here a little bit early..." Alex drawls sarcastically. "I'd say in about half an hour."

"Half an hour." She repeats to herself. "I got this." She taps her foot for few beats. "Wait... do I look ok?"

"For Carter?"

"Do I look like I belong here? I don't want Carter to be embarrassed because I look out of place among the other parents." Alex opens her head to reply, but Kara cuts her off. "And... and... do I _hug_ him? Or not? Should I take his hand? We'll have to cross a road after..." She points behind her. "I should have asked Cat. I..."

Kara stops ranting, dumbfounded for a moment.

"Did you just flick my nose?"

"Kara, I love you to bits, but you need to relax. Everything will be fine. Just follow his lead."

"Right."

"Of course I am."

They both fall in a comfortable silence for few seconds.

"Hey. Do you think I should have brought some kind of candy?" Alex asks and Kara frowns at her. "I mean... I'm the cool aunt. I should feed him sweets and junk food."

"Cat would kill us."

"Yes, but..." She points at herself. "Cool aunt!" She exclaims. As if it explains every thing. "I look the part. I'm wearing my badass combat boots."

Kara frowns deepens, before breaking out in a grin. "You're freaking out, too!"

"No, no, I'm not!"

"You so are!"

"Am not."

Kara is about to launch herself in a intense battle of _Are too/Am not_ , when a word appear on her arm.

_Relax._

Alex is smiling smugly up at her, until the writing continues.

_Both of you._

 

* * *

 

 

Carter is... well, more like Kara than she had expected.

And Alex claims him as her partner for the next game night and the grin she receives in return is almost worth giving up Kara to Cat.

He looks shy and introverted and it takes him four minutes to make a real eye contact with her.

But when Kara tells him Alex is the closer thing to a Kryptonian's doctor, he has so many questions and he is so eager to learn.

And later, when it's her turn to ask questions, Alex is the one who's eager.

Because the kid talks about everything that he loves with an amazement in his voice, like he can't believe it's real.

He talks about Kara, with his hand firmly in his mother's - because it's so much easier to see it now -, like he can't believe she's real.

There's also a hint of wistfulness. Of old wounds not fully healed.

He reminds her too much of a girl who used to stare in breathless wonder at everything that was new, before getting lost in longing. For the past. For the future.

He has smudges of ink on his hands. And her training tells her it's not his.

And he talks about science and magic and fate like it's the same thing.

Kara smiles with pride and affection the whole time.

Alex doesn't know if it's Kara's small influence. Or if Cat is as awesome as Kara claims.

But Carter...

Carter may as well landed in a pod, too, because he has the otherworldly glint in his eyes.

He calls her _aunt Alex_. And giggles as she teases Kara's eating habits. And high-fives her behind her sister's back. And hugs her before she leaves.

And if she ever needed another reason to keep Kara safe - the world, safe. - she sure got it.

She walks into the D.E.O. with an unprecedented lightness in her step.

 

* * *

 

 

When Kara walks up to Cat's penthouse, her hand loosely around Carter's shoulder, she doesn't know what to expect. Not even what to do.

She's probably lucky their first meeting had been accidental and the high of finally, finally, seeing Cat had smoothed over her awkwardness.

Because now, knowing that Cat is just behind the door, she can feel all her inadequacies rise in her throat.

Which is ridiculous, really. Because this morning she has walked out of this very door, Cat's hand still tugging her close.

But it feels different. She feels different.

It was so easy yesterday. Like she wasn't even herself.

She had been smart and funny and flirty. She is not sure if she can keep it up.

Cat is so out of her league.

And Kara has to work so hard just to fit in with her peers, fake her way through adulthood and she is not even sure she can even hold a conversation with Cat Grant.

"Ma?"

Carter looks both amused and confused, and she finds herself smiling at him. "I should knock, right?"

"We usually use the doorbell in this century."

She grins at his Cat-like humor. "Right."

She presses the doorbell. And Cat opens the door an instant later with a knowing smile. As if she already knows Kara has spent two whole minutes just standing there like an idiot.

"Hello, dears."

Carter slips out of her grasp and he's in Cat's arms. He's speaking fast and Cat nods and nods and steals amused glances at Kara.

And she's standing in the doorway and waves awkwardly and fumbles with her glasses.

Cat sends Carter to wash up and rolls her eyes at her.

"Come in, Kara."

She nods and close the door behind her. "Hi." She waves again, before she can stop herself. She's hopeless.

Cat steps closer. Close enough Kara starts to tilt her head down and close her eyes.

She reopens them a moment later when she feels lips against her cheek.

And something inside her settles and she lets her arms wrap around the other woman. "I was a lot smoother." She mumbles, hiding her face in the crook of Cat's neck.

Cat snorts against her shoulder. "When was that, exactly?"

"In my dreams." Cat holds her a little tighter. "I was a real charmer. You could not help but fall for my words and fine honed people skill."

Cat stands still for few seconds, before looking up at her. "It's very fortunate that I find this Kara quite charming, too." Her tone is soft, and her fingers are grazing lightly against her chin.

"Yeah?" She breaths out. And Cat's hand skims down her neck, before brushing off some invisible lint on her shoulder.

"Don't make me repeat myself, darling. Fishing for compliments is never attractive."

She steps out of her arms, and Kara looks down, hiding a small smile. "Of course, Cat."

 

* * *

 

 

She's almost fifty. No matter what her body tells her.

She's almost fifty and she's not ready.

She was ready, once. When she was younger and softer and she felt like she could barely wait. It's kind of ridiculous, really.

She was ready, yesterday, too. But one thing is closing her eyes, say hell to all, and kiss the girl she has been waiting for her whole life.

Another is having an actual relationship.

She knows there's a reason soulmates's stories always ended with an hurried and they lived happily ever after. Nobody would want to hear about this. About stunted conversations that feel too much like meeting an old friend and trying and failing to rekindle a friendship. Stuck in that awkward small talk and forced chuckles. Nobody would care about lost jobs and dieing careers.

About learning to share a child and a bed and themselves in a way she never really had to.

About the gruesome realities of fears and dinners and too many Lexapros taken only in the first day and loss of appetite. Any appetite.

The anxious anticipation no pill can take away.

Her life is about to be turned upside down.

She's going to fall in love.

She has no doubt about that.

She's used to feel out of place but fake the opposite. But she admits feeling out of place in her own house was not something she had anticipated.

There's Kara. With her obnoxious laugher and funny anecdotes about her first years on Earth.

Carter. Grinning and looking at her completely smitten. Who turned in a chatterbox overnight, overwhelmed with the need to share everything with the girl who he had always considered his other mother.

Then there's Cat.

She is smiling, leaning towards them, chipping in when she can.

But there's a void behind her. She can feel it just behind her back. It's dark and cold and weights her down and pulls her in.

She's about to throw everything she built away for her.

It's not a real choice. She would choose her infinite time over.

This Kara who is not exactly who she was expecting.

This Kara who sounds so terribly young.

And yet... Cat remembers the events she's recounting.

She remembers the confusion. And the fear. And the pain. The anger.

And now, she talks about them like it was just skinned knees and awkward tripping.

There's an amused, self-deprecating glint in her eyes. As if to say _I was such a weirdo, scared of loud noises_ , as if the last sound she heard before landing on Earth wasn't the sound of her planet exploding.

 _It sounded like the popcorn maker. Only louder._ She had confessed one night.

Part of Cat wants to tell her to stop. _Please, stop_.

But she's laughing. And her son is grinning.

And Cat can't reconcile this ball of sunshine with the lost girl who scribbles heartbreaking secrets on her skin.

But it's _her_. Cat has no doubts.

Words and people are supposed to be her domain. And this stranger uses all Kara's favorites. And has Kara's goodness and need to help.

This stranger is Kara. And sacrificing everything else is so, so easy.

And just as scary.

She needs another Lexapro.

And more time to _plan_.

Cat is a planner, after all.

She pretends she isn't. Makes a big show of it. She pretends to be flimsy and whimsical and struts around her building like she has done nothing else but be in a capricious ruler all her life.

But she would have never gotten where she is if she hadn't been.

She's been a journalist for half of her life. Earlier, if she counts her role in the school paper all through high school.

She has received more from life that she ever expected. Chances and opportunities she didn't even knew existed.

She has met three presidents during their election campaign. She has interviewed scientists, Nobel prize winners, all kind of celebrities and high ranking military officers and ruthless war criminals.

She even made few of them cry on live TV.

She walked through Metropolis's worst crow with a wig and a recorder tucked under her shirt.

And in Gotham, she has met the Bat, back when people still weren't sure if he was a friend or foe.

She has met all kind of people. Read them like an open book. Felt their greatness but never, ever, cowered.

And then there's Kara.

Cat already knows her. She has known her since forever.

She knows she can draw and sing.

She knows her favorite dessert is Eliza's chocolate pecan pie and she has never even tried raw shellfish because it looks gross.

She knows she'd rather stay in and curl with a book or a TV show than go out clubbing with her peers. But she's always in for boardgames.

She knows she apologizes too much and tries too hard to please people.

And that she carries the weight of her lost planet, its culture and its people, in Clark never could.

Cat thought she knew everything there was to know about her.

And yet, now that she's right in front of her, she feels like she knows nothing.

She didn't know her eyes could sparkle so bright, in spite of the pain she has endured.

Or the way Kara stumbles and fumbles and blushes, and can be as awkward as a scared Bambi, and yet be totally fearless when she touches her and Carter.

She catches Cat staring all throughout dinner. And when she does, she pretends to still be focused on Carter, but every time, her head bends down for a moment.

It makes Cat stare harder. She didn't know that, neither.

If Cat had met her when she were younger, back in high school or even college, she would have fallen for her in ten seconds flat.

But now, she's completely ill-equipped to care for someone like Kara.

Young and pure and with that light submissiveness that calls out for every ugly part of Cat.

It terrifies her. Humbles her.

And she feels so very little. So not in power.

Because the young woman has her heart on her sleeve. And it's beautiful.

And Cat's is a little worse to wear and has its black spots she can't imagine to ever show to anyone. Especially not to Kara.

But cowardice is never been one of her vices.

And Cat wants her.

After Carter - and Adam, her conscience reminds her -, she's Cat's highest ranking priority.

And even if she wasn't, Cat would still want her.

Maybe not as a lover. She can't picture herself to take a still aging girl as one.

But she would have hired her. And she would have pushed and pushed and secretly hoped she could take anything she threw at her.

Cat has always been fond of stories that begin with determined girls and end with accomplished women.

She would have wanted her to succeed.

And she likes to think that she would have chosen her, regardless of the marks on their skin.

They would have still crossed path. Kara would have still lured her in with her unassuming personality.

Cat would have kept her close, but not too close.

And maybe she would have fallen for her. Maybe it would have crept on her. Maybe not.

It would have spared this feeling. This sense of dread and hope mixed together.

It was like being thrown in the deep end. Like being stuck in that single moment where you're not sure if you're swimming or sinking.

Cat was not ready for this person who is both Kara and a complete stranger.

Or to pay the price their relationship requires.

(Cat still returns every smile Kara sends her way. And let her grab her arm. Let their fingers touch. And Carter grins at Cat conspiratorially every single time. Cat smiles back. It was what she has always wanted, after all.)

Later, when Carter is tucked in, and Kara still has that dreamy little smile like she can't believe she finally gets to kiss him goodnight, Cat lets herself have a moment.

One single, short moment when she allows herself to be held in her arms.

But it's all that it takes.

Her first dream hadn't been building a media conglomerate.

Her first dream had been being able to talk to a girl who didn't even share her planet.

She has spent a lifetime thinking about that.

Wishing she could tell her every little thing. And there where so many things she wants Kara to know.

Things she had wished to tell her, but couldn't.

Or secrets that could only be whispered.

She thinks back at the thousands of conversation she had made up in her head when she felt lonely.

Or that as a child, she had picked the dress she was going to meet Kara in.

How she still did it sometimes, even as a adult.

She feels every confession bubble up in her chest, unable to make it past her throat.

"Cat."

Cat closes her eyes.

Lets moment end.

She won't let fear decide.

_Next time._

 

* * *

 

 

Kara doesn't know what she had expected when Carter went to bed.

But this was not _it_.

It takes her twenty minute to realize the woman pointedly seated as far than possible from her while being on the same couch, is not really her Cat.

But _Cat Grant_ , herself.

After all, it was Cat herself that taught Kara about observing people and their tells. She likes to think, especially after finding out who Cat actually is, that she has learned from the best.

Strangely enough, the first things that hits her is that Cat still has her shoes on.

The second, is that her laugher is too beautiful.

No, ok, that sounds wrong. But... the melodic laugher, the way she tilts her head, and her lips stretch never too little nor too much, and the elegant flourish of her hand... was too harmonious to not have been through beforehand. Rehearsed and perfected in front of a mirror.

It is beautiful. And sexy.

But she may have met Cat only yesterday, but she has seen her snort and grin and snicker and roll her eyes at Kara with the littlest, cutest smile.

Kara likes all that better.

She bits her lower lips and sighs softly, unsure how to reach for the Cat who was with her only few hours ago.

It's not that Kara doesn't enjoy her... monologues.

She does. And at some point, she would want to hear them again.

But Cat is going on and on about her accomplishment and anecdotes that are better suited as a crowd warming in one of her talk shows than a whatever-this-is.

Cat isn't even really looking at her.

It's partly Kara's fault, she admits.

Because she has spent all dinner concentrating on Carter. Because, no matter how many people would argue with her on the contrary, there's nothing special about her. Because she doesn't know how to tell Cat she wants her. To her face.

Carter is easy.

Kara had actually talked to him, before, and now that he can reveal every detail without fear, he is filling her on everything she could have missed out.

And when he isn't talking, he is unashamedly gripping her hand and leaning into her. He craves her touch as much as she craves to touch him.

Carter is easy.

Cat... is not.

Cat has layers and walls and those spiky ropes on top of them.

And she likes to think she deals with facts. Likes to think she can emotionally detach herself from every and any situation. Likes to paint herself like an ice queen.

She isn't, by the way. Kara knows better.

She is hers, after all. She can pinpoint her mood just by the curves and lines of her handwriting.

She knows her L get loopy when she talks about Carter. And it's almost an illegible scrawl when she's angry. And how much more beautiful her calligraphy can be when she writes her name.

Cat is made of fire. No matter how cold is the cage she builds around herself.

She is the woman who cries at happy endings. The woman who made her cousin, in Superman regalia, fall on his ass just by repeating stabbing his chest with her finger. (Lois loves telling that particularly story.) The woman who learned Kryptonese on the off chance Kara finally did land.

And she is also Cat Grant.

And she can list every single astounding achievement the woman has earned by hearth, even if she wasn't reminding her of them.

And now she also knows, how she never let a message go unanswered through it all.

She's always been there. She's always been her rock. her last thread to what she has dreamed back when she was a child.

It's the reason why it had been so hard and so confusing, when she was finally old enough, realizing Cat had built a wall between the two of them, too.

The wall is still there. And it's Kara turn to be strong.

She knows from the day before, Cat is as starved for affection as she is. She knows Cat wants this just as much.

But with Cat... Kara feels like she'll always have to fight tooth and nail, to get that one inch closer.

Kara fought so hard, for so long, just to have that small hint. _National City_. And she doesn't know how much harder and longer she would have had to fight until she was finally ready to meet.

And Kara may not know her mannerism. _Yet_.

But she told you she had a board meeting. About _them_.

And Kara knows how much she hates board meetings.

Well, she knows she gets frustrated when she deals with _fools_. And when she meets with _sharks_. And now, she's pretty sure one of them is code word for board meeting.

She doesn't know what force prompts her to raise to her feet. It is natural. Like jumping and knowing gravity wouldn't push her down. Like pulling on a car door and knowing it would come undone.

So Kara just acts. Walks up to her. And kneel down to take off her shoes.

And Cat looks at her completely bewildered. Her eyes flickering to Kara's hands on her and her face as if she doesn't know how she even got this close.

Kara hasn't even used super-speed.

"What are you doing?"

"You take off your shoes at every given opportunity." She states, attempting to keep her voice neutral, as she finds the buckle on the outside of her ankle. It's small and delicate and she concentrates on keeping her strength at a minimum and not getting distracted by the creamy expanse of her calf.

Kara's eyes don't dare to look anywhere but the niddle-like silver tongue, how it disappears for just a moment before being released from its chosen hole.

But her hands tremble a little as soon as the buckle comes undone and the shoes hangs loosely on Cat's foot. She doesn't know if it's because of the effort at reigning in her strength or the desire to touch just a little bit more. She shallows and clenches her hands, before slipping it off as slowly as she dares.

"And usually you like to throw them somewhere. Then grumble when you can't find them." She bites her lower lip and almost frown at her own voice. It sounds softer and less high-pitched. But before Kara can think about the whys and hows, Cat wiggles her toes. And Kara instantly looks up her, her cheeks burning as if she has been caught checking her under her skirt.

Which she hasn't. She could have. But she totally didn't do that.

And now Cat is staring at her and she doesn't have the faintest idea of what she is thinking.

Kara clears her throat and look away for a moment, before handing her the first shoe. "Want to do the honors?"

She stares. And blinks once. And stares. And her shoulders slouch and the corners of her mouth turn up, as she takes the shoe by the heel, before throwing it behind her. "Kara?"

She gulps. "Yeah?"

"There's still another one."

It takes her even more time.

 

* * *

 

 

When Kara's done, she sits down on the couch again. This time a lot closer than before.

And by a lot closer, she means they are close enough Kara feels the heat from Cat's leg against hers.

"Will you please talk to me? Really talk to me?"

"About?"

Kara reaches toward her and touches the soft curls against her cheek. "I don't know. But I know something happened. And that you probably need to rant about it. So... rant to me?"

"You want to talk about work when we're finally alone?" Cat slides closer to her and her breath catches.

But this is more important and she braces herself for any kind of lashing out. "Don't."

Cat freezes and Kara feels guilty for a moment. "I'm sorry. I-"

Kara's hands shoots for Cat before the older woman could pull away. "I want to talk about whatever it is that upset you. I'm still Kara. I'm still the person you rant to."

"Nothing upsets me." She crosses her arms and it reminds a duckling who got their feathers ruffled.

Kara grins, as she playful pokes her arm. "Caaat."

Cat looks at her in that way she's growing to love. All stony face and intense eyes and not even a little twitch to betray her emotions and it never fails to make Kara squirm. In every sense.

Kara tries to set her expression to match hers, maintaining the eye contact and hoping she can see how much she wants her to open up to her.

And she doesn't know what she sees.

But Cat rants.

And this time, when she talks, she looks at her. She tells her about how the board is going to push her out of CatCo. She has very colorful insult for every member, which makes Kara bites down a smile despite the seriousness of the situation.

Cat rants. She's sarcastic and looks more annoyed than sad or angry. And when she finishes, Kara just nods.

"Let's do it."

Cat looks appalled. "What?!"

Kara shrugs, trying to appear as confident as possible. "They want a story. Let's give them one."

"Kara... I already told you yesterday that-"

"I don't mind."

"Well, I do." She scowls. "Is this what you want? This isn't your big break to become another Kardashan."

 _Ooook, no._ This is going south really fast. "My big - I mean- No! Of course not."

"Then why? Why else would you want to be subjected to relentless attention of the tabloids? This isn't going to be a five-minutes moment of fame. They are going to go after you."

"For you. Damn, Cat. For you. I won't let few paparazzi scare me." She attempts a comforting smile.

"Do you think anybody would take you seriously as a journalist if they knew you are sleeping with me?"

Kara snorts. "I'm _not_." Her eyes narrow. "You said you were OK with us coming out."

"I am!"

"Then what's wrong?!"

"Don't you see how this story is going to affect you? Your whole career?"

"I don't care. And it's not like I don't have another career to fall into."

"Yeah, right. How is it going with the family business? Still clipping your cousin's articles?"

 _Ouch_.

Kara sees Cat's horrified expression the moment the words leave her lips. It does nothing to lessen the hurt.

"I have major in Astronomy and Astrophysics." She says. Her voice sounds just as empty as she feels.

She has tried so much, maybe too much, to be worth of Cat in the human way. And maybe they have met too soon. But yesterday everything was so perfect she had guessed it was ok. That Cat knew she had tried and was still proud of her.

"That's... I didn't know that." She takes her own head in her hands. "How did you end up in my office?"

 _Fate_. She almost replies. But Cat would probably just scoff at her. "I majored in journalism, too. I wanted to switch but I was almost done. I had taken the odd course in journalism now and then. So... I stayed a year longer and... double majored."

Cat stares at her for enough time she starts to feel self-conscious. But she doesn't back down. "You're amazing. Kara, you are. I'm sorry for what I said. Believe me when I say I did not mean it. I'm angry. And frustrated. And I took it out with you. I cannot promise it willnot happen again. But I'm truly sorry. And I did not mean it."

"Maybe you did." Kara almost cringes at her own voice. "I know I'm-"

"Do you really think I would be happier if you wore a ridiculous suit and flew around risking your life?" She shakes her head with a sneer. "No, no. God knows I lost enough hours of sleep over Kal. I'd probably develop as many grey hair as Lois Lane and bags just as hideous." She tilts her head to the side. "Well, no, not that hideous."

Kara opens her mouth to reply, but a finger against her lips makes her stop. And completely forget what she was going to say.

"But if you were to... choose to do that, it's still fine. I would support you. I'm sure I could pull off the sleepless look. I'm just going to veto any interstellar trip because there's no way you're going to leave the planet after all the time it took you to finally land here." Her palm presses against Kara's legs. And she lets her. "And you don't have to give up journalism if it's what you want. We'll find a way."

Kara shakes her head and looks away. "I don't know what I want anymore." She hears Cat's breath hitch and it gives her a small amount of satisfied vindication, closely followed by guilt and shame. "I want this, Cat. I want _you_. And Carter. I want _us_. Everything else... is not that important."

Cat nods. But Kara feels a new pang to her chest as she searches her soulmate's face. Her jaw is clenched. And her eyes shows a broken vulnerability. And Kara doesn't know what she has done wrong. How to help. And she almost forgets she's supposed to be the hurt one.

"Cat, wh-"

"I'd never. _Ever_. Keep you of Carter's life. Never. Not again. Your relationship with him and your relationship with me are completely independent, at this point. If you decide you only want... to be around Carter and not have anything to do with this." She gestures to the the air between them, "It's ok. If you need more time or-"

"You are an idiot, Cat Grant." The corner of her mouth are going up, even as she feels the strangest need to cry. She takes a gentle hold on both Cat's forearms, wondering if she'll ever get over how incredibly tiny they are, and turns them over just as gently. "Don't you remember, Cat?" She whispers, as her right thumb traces the familiar pattern just few inches from the inside of Cat's wrist.

Kara can sees it. The moment when Cat recognize the ink-less drawing they had drawn over and over for years. First, for communication purposes. Then, in reassurance. And it's the reassurance she needed, because Cat closes her eyes shut and lets out a not-really-a-sob that it's probably the most honest and raw and open sound Cat has made all night.

And she is so beautiful. Magnificent. And Kara has her left hand tangled in Cat's hair before she could even think if kissing without asking was acceptable or not.

Cat has leaded every single kiss they have shared. But not now.

Kara has never known how to ask Cat for things she needs. She has never pushed. Even when unhappy with Cat's decision, she has always kept quiet.

She should have fought harder.

Because Cat has both her arms around her shoulder, hard enough to feel them. And Kara can't stop kissing her. She kisses her like she is fighting for a revolution. Like she just couldn't take it anymore and needs everything, anything to change. She kisses Cat as if it was the ultimate cure, the ideal solution, like it could make disappear any single wrong thing in the whole world.

But mostly, Kara kisses Cat like a mere human banging against a wall.

And she's kissing Kara back with the same urgency and desperation of a trapped woman who sees her chance.

Kara is only vaguely aware of what the rest of her body is doing. But she can feel the roughness of the couch cover against her right palm.  And her whole weight is on her left knee. _Oh_. And she's not standing vertically anymore.

And there are fingernails slowly racking at against her neck. And a foot hooked behind her left calf.

But she doesn't care about those details. Not while there's still a war to be fought.

She bites down Cat's lowers lip, instead. And lets her whole body fall.

And a gasp escapes from the lips beneath hers, loud enough to bring her back. Loud enough to realize Cat's whole body is beneath hers.

She probably would have jumped high enough to fly, if Cat hadn't tightened her grip around her.

She still holds her breath, as the older woman lazily opens her eyes and slowly licks her own lips.

"Oh." Cat whispers. "Lexapro didn't take all away."

Kara shakes her head in confusion. "What? I mean... I didn't hurt you, right?"

"The opposite, really." She lets a puff of air through her nose. "I didn't think you had that in you."

"And that's... good?"

"Very. I've never been literally swept off my feet before."

Kara feels a goofy grin on her face. She probably looks ridiculous, but she can't help it. And Cat rolls her eyes, before poking her hard on her shoulder. And Kara is a little worried she may have broken it.

"Don't ever call me an idiot again."

Her hair are ruffled and she looks properly flushed, and her narrowed eyes make her look more adorable than threatening. It makes Kara laugh a little and feel bold enough to joke and quote Cat's words to her. "I cannot promise it will not happen again. But I'm truly sorry. And I did not mean it."

Cat pushes her down, and she feels a smile close to her ear. "Only if this is the follow up."

Kara feels her whole body trembling. "S-Sure. This is nice."

"Nice, dear? This is the word you're going for?"

"Breathtaking. Mind-blowing. Exhilarating. So out of this world it could take me twenty-four years to recover." Cat pinches her side. "Too soon?"

"It will always be too soon. Don't joke about that."

"I'm sorry." She nuzzles Cat's neck. "I'm sorry."

"We already covered it wasn't your fault. Many times over, if you recall."

She takes a deep breath. "It kind of was. If I had left when my parents told me to... If I hadn't wasted time."

"You got to tell them goodbye. It wasn't wasted." Cat is playing with Kara's hair and Kara burrows her head deeper.

"We're not done talking, are we?"

Cat huffs, her hand stopping in her ministration. "Far from it."

Kara disentangles herself from Cat's body and helps her up, until they are both back seated. She taps her foot once, twice, before raising turning towards Cat with an outstretched hand. "Hi. I'm Kara. What's your name?"

Cat stares at her for few seconds, before snorting. "I can't believe you pulled that."

"What?"

"The whole _let's have a do over_ with the fake introduction. Come on. We're not in a chick flick."

"What do you propose, then?" It had sounded like a bright idea in her mind. And she admits she's a little put off.

"We crack open a bottle of Scotch and talk it over. Like functional adults."

"Functional alcoholic adults."

"Same diff."

"I can't get drunk."

"Pity. You can get drunk on sugar. There's a full cabinet of sweets."

It's Kara's turn to stare pointedly.

And the Cat looks serious again. "There's something I need to tell you."

She swallows. It feels too much like those _We need to talk_ conversations. "What?"

"I have reason to believe there are people who still remember I used to have a soul mate as a kid. I'm not sure how I'm going to explain you. And trust me, I've thought this over."

Kara lets the words sink in. "Is that what all this is about? All this waiting and pushing me away and..." She waves her hands uselessly.

"Yes." She sighs. "Part of. The list was quite long, as you know." She smiles a sad little smile Kara wants to kiss. "My father would tell everyone who had ears about his little girl soul mate who wrote in a language still unknown. Showed it to as many scholars as he could."

She nods slowly. "Do you think people have proof I'm not from... here?"

"I think... someone could speculate some inventive theories as soon as I confirm you're... _mine_."

"So much for having a plan, uh?"

"I love you." Cat states matter-of-factly and completely out of the blue, and Kara feels her heart skip a beat. "You know that I do. And I didn't mean to hurt you earlier. OR... make you feel not worthwhile in all these past years. I... I'm not good at showing it. But I do. I'm not... in love with you, yet. But I can see why fate thought I could fall easily. The more time I spend with you, the less I want to go out and face everything that could hurt us. And that list is quite long, too." She sighs. "I was supposed to get everything ready for you. Make it safe. I failed."

"You know... once a wise woman told me failure didn't exist. You just have to stand up and face the music." She ponders her next words. "I wish you would have told me about this sooner. We're supposed to face this things together. This... you protecting me and pushing me away... hurts more than the things you're protecting me from. _El Mayara_ isn't just a cool sounding family motto. It's what I believe in. It's what I want to build my life on."

Cat presses her lips together and nods. "Then, Kara Zor-El, what are you suggesting?"

"I don't know. But I'm sure you do."

"What does that even mean?"

"You're Cat Grant. If there's someone who can talk her way out of tricky situation, that's you." Kara stands up and starts pacing. "I mean... If that's what it takes, we'll do that ridiculous interview for the Trib. And we get ready for whatever they throw at us. We keep Carter out of the spotlight. And if the alien theory even comes up, we lie through our teeth. Oh. And I'm going to commute a lot, since the only place where being with you won't give me any favors it's the Planet."

"Don't you dare."

"Then you'll have to take me out until I can find a paycheck. And we'll work about that _not-in-love-yet_ issue."

"Dating. Do you really know what you're getting yourself into?"

"You're not the only one who spent years planning. Only my plans where a little bit simpler."

"Let me guess. Woo me with your smooth moves?" Her words are dripping with sarcasm.

"I know I'm not... a great seductress. Or a hero like Kal. I don't have a job. And I don't have any money. But... I'm not going anywhere. Not even if you lash out at me. I'm staying. That's my plan."

"I'm not going to stroke your ego again and tell you you're not bad. Not bad at all. And I was going to hire you. Before you started laughing at me."

"Yeah. I should avoid that part for my next interview."

"I sure hope so."

Kara smiles at Cat's half exasperated expression and reaches out to intertwine their fingers together. Cat may not have said it outwardly, but Kara knows what bothers her the most of this whole situation is the idea of being pushed by the board. And she may be obstinate enough to loose CatCo over it.

"Did Carter tell you he's been invited to a SGA meeting?" She asks.

Cat raises an eyebrow. "No."

"He has. By a schoolmate. After reading about us. And it's good. It's going to be good for him, especially... in the long run."

"I signed up in that school because of that club. I did have a plan. And I didn't want people to shun him. Still... I don't see where you're trying to go with this. People already know. I'm not going to hide. I just don't see why we should do some kind of official public declaration."

"I think we can make some good, Cat. I think someone, out there, could read our story and... feel hopeful."

"Our story is barely started. And it's not going to be really our story anyway. I doubt we're going to talk about _stasis pods_."

"No. But we can make a difference anyway. We're soulmates. We found each other. And yes, we're both women. And we're going to show the world it's perfectly alright. That our love can be just as real. That even us can get our happy ending. Aren't you tired of soulmates believing it's easier acting like they're just housemates? Aren't you tired of tragic love stories?"

"This is not going to be a fairytale, Kara."

"No. It probably isn't. There aren't going to be princes and princesses. But you're the Queen of All Media and I'm a hidden alien refugee. We'll make do."

"God, you're so sappy."

"I don't like it more than you." Kara pushes on. "That this is something that is required and expected from us. That we can't just be together without making some kind of public statement. But if we don't... It's would still a statement of sort. And the wrong one. If we give even the barest inkling of being anything else but proud, people would sooner assume we're ashamed. And I don't want any kid out there to think even for an instant that this is something to be ashamed."

Cat sighs and stands up. "We are not going to do any interview. I'm not playing by their rules."

"Ok."

"We're not going to hide, either."

"Ok."

"And I'm not using my own paper to cover this like some sort of sex scandal."

"Ok."

"There's not going to be not media circus, because we're going to ruin their party before they can even open their cheap wine coolers."

"Uhm... Ok. What do you want to do?"

Cat grins, maniacal enough to make Kara a little scared. "Social media are a great thing, Kara Zor-El. One tweet, and we're out and proud and there's nothing else to talk about. One tweet, and there's nothing left to speculate. And the board won't be able to push me out of CatCo. Or they'll be hit by a veritable shitstorm."

Kara feels her own grin matching Cat's. "Let's do it."

 

* * *

 

 

"Damn you, Kitty. You took your sweet time." Lois grumbles softly to herself. "You sure know how to keep a girl hanging."

"Are you talking to your computer again?"

She jumps a little. Of all the nice men out there, she had to marry the one who sneaked through windows and could never bring himself to use the freaking door. The idiot.

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop. I know you and it need your privacy."

"Let me guess: you forgot your keys."

"Fire on the fifth, actually. I think somebody stole my clothes, because when I went there they were just..." He gestures vaguely.

"Not there?" She supplies with an eye-roll, before banging her head on her desk. "Please, tell me you didn't have your IDs in your pants' pocket."

He blushes a little. "No, no. I had it in my." He gestures vaguely at his waist.

"Please, tell me you don't put your documents in your undies."

"They are not underwear!" He almost shrieks, while fishing for another pair of glasses in the glasses drawer.

 _Yes_. They have a glasses drawer.

She rolls her eyes at him. He is so easily ruffled about his costume. "Come here, you idiot."

She lets him kiss her, with the firm gentleness he reserves for the humans he loves. And when the kiss breaks, she adjusts his glasses with a fond smile.

"Hey, Smallville, how would you feel about covering for the gossip columnist, just this time?"


	6. El Mayara Means You Have To Play Nice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!  
> Again, sorry for the delay. I wish I could promise you it'll never happen again, but I'm afraid I'm simply that slow.  
> I love writing this and I'm not going to stop. But I'm also at a pivotal moment in my career and while I happily spend every moment when I'm alone writing this, those moments are getting shorter and rarer.  
> I hope you'll be patient.  
> So... here, enjoy this 13k words chapter in the meantime. ;)

  
" _There’s nothing that makes you more insane than family. Or more happy. Or more exasperated. Or more . . . secure."_  
_\- Jim Butcher, Vignette._

 

 

* * *

 

  
It's a bizarre experience, even for him, having to write about his own family, pretending it's not his family.

More so, having to write about his kid cousin love life.

Lois has laughed at him, made almost-dirty cat puns and left him with his laptop.

And Clark fell a little bit more in love with her.

He knows this is just Lois being Lois. Being good but not acting like she cares.

This is Lois making sure there will be no slandering by the Daily Planet. Making sure it won't be treated like a nasty affair.

But she still wouldn't caught dead playing nice with Cat Grant. Not publicly, at least. Or _sober_.

He caught them blind drunk and giggling together way too many times to believe the public lie.

He sighs and looks at the blank screen.

He is ridiculously happy for them in a way that makes him giddy and he fights the instinct to write a two thousand words formatted article of _Finally! Finally! Finally!._

And he can't wait to see them together. See for himself how they are going to heal one other.

Clark has no doubt it's going to be magnificent.

He is not the one to break the story. Some small online journal has beat every major media to it.

And Cat managed to stomp on most of the speculation in the most anticlimactic way.

But he's glad Lois asked him to write it. Even if technically it isn't his job. And technically she shouldn't get to decide who writes what.

He doesn't know what kind of strings she pulled to make it happen. But he is so very glad.

He gets to tell people his younger big cousin is finally home. And what a ride, it has been.

Not that Clark Kent is supposed to know much about it. He is used to it. To write stories he knows almost every detail of (even stories where he is the main protagonist), and pretend to know little more than anyone out there.

And in this particular circumstance, the only support he can provide is keeping the facts straight. Weed out any crazy speculation. Any no-sense theory about gold diggers, cradle-robbers and deceit.

People will still have questions.

Will probably always wonder if the public meeting was orchestrated. If Kara really didn't know who her soulmate was. Why Cat hadn't publicly acknowledged having a female mate like many had done, even before meeting her. Some even wonder if Kara is really not even twenty-five. If all these years they had purposely not met each other to assuage Cat Grant's supposed vanity.

People will wonder about the younger Grant. How he'll take it. If the mysterious Kara Danvers has been kept in the dark about his existence.

But Clark Kent is not supposed to know the answers.

He's not supposed to know Kara loves Carter desperately. That the blast from an exploding planet and age and fears have caused the delay in their meeting.

And they have met, just like that, because it was fate or karma or Rao himself.

He writes what people have already read on online blogs and social media.

He writes the truth they already know, but put aside in favor of more tawdry versions of it.

But he is going to make them believe it.

 

* * *

 

 

This is probably the worst moment in her whole career to be without an assistant.

And the worst moment to hire a new one.

It's the reason why the useless I.T. hobbit hasn't been asked to clear his desk even if he failed to find the culprit (he is still fired. She knows _it_. _He_ knows it. And he even does that amusing shrivelling every time she looks in his direction. That's a perk.) and why her usual drink is not waiting for her.

God knows the mess an unbroken employer could do at this point.

Even if she only used them for latte's run.

Kara has offered to bring her one, but Kara stepping foot at Catco now, will probably set off all the hungry freelances in National City.

No matter how many favors she called in with every major tabloid.

The other downside of not having an assistant is, evidently, that people assume they can enter and make themselves comfortable in her own office, before she even got in.

And she isn't even properly caffeinated, yet.

She throws a _Call security_ over her shoulder, before pushing open the glass door.

"I don't care for which washed-out feminist blog or web magazine you work for, I want you out of my office, now."

The woman opens her mouth in protest. But Cat easily shushes her, not in the mood to hear whatever kissy-ass, politically correct platitudes she has rehearsed in her mind, while she sneaked pass security.

"Ah! Not a word. I don't care. Tell your bosses I'm not going to give any exclusive, even if they sent the unthreatening butch one."

"I'm Alex."

"I don't care."

"Danvers." She adds, with a shrug. "Kara's sister."

It stops Cat right in her tirade. This was not how she planned meeting the infamous older sister. But Danvers women must have a thing about catching her completely off guard. And in her very see-through office. "Right. Of course."

For some reason, the first words that flash in Cat's mind, as soon as the other woman straightens herself - visibly offended by the _unthreatening butch_ comment -, are _Highly_. _Trained_. _Soldier_.

 _Government Agent_ , soon after.

Back straight, chin up, her right arm slightly bended so her hand was at the perfect height to reach for some sort of firearm.

And the calm facade, with no betraying tellings, but body ready for bolt in action.

Cat is pretty sure she was supposed to be just some lab doctor.

And she's damn sure this woman is anything but.

 

* * *

 

 

Kara wasn't exaggerating. Cat Grant, while not short, looks incredibly _tiny_ in person.

She also looks like she just walked out from her own cover magazine.

And she regains easily the control of the room, as soon as she recovers from her surprise.

"So, what brings you here?" She doesn't waste time in pleasantries, and Alex doesn't know if she should be impressed or annoyed. The woman waves away security, raising a hand lazily, before walking behind her desk. She opens a binder and starts looking into it, behaving like Alex's presence doesn't unnerve her a bit.

"Can't I just drop by to meet my future sister in-law?" She keeps her tone casual, like it's a normal occurrence. She knows she is pushing it implicating some sort of family ties this early in her relationship with Kara. But Cat doesn't even bat an eye.

"It doesn't exactly have the marking of a social call." She still doesn't look at her. "You didn't bring me coffee." Cat points out.

"I didn't know coffee was mandatory. Maybe next time."

"A latte. Non-fat. Hot." She scribbles something on the paper in front of her, before raising her head and tapping the pen against her lip. "Let's not pretend. This is not a social call. No. Nobody knows you're here. Not security, nor Kara, or they would have alerted me. You're scowling. Is this going to be a stay-away-from-my-sister speech? Because let me stop you right now-"

"It's not." Alex interrupts. "We both know how completely useless it would be. But we do need to talk."

Cat nods slowly, before taking off her glasses. "Okay, okay. Talk."

"I need to know if we're on the same page." Alex starts, with a little bit of urgency in her words, leaning down on Cat's desk and lowering her voice, "About Kara's powers. I need to know, you'll keep her safe. And hidden. I need to know, the Queen of All Media, will not exploit my sister's abilities."

Cat scoffs at her. "Do you think I would somehow sell out my own soulmate? Kara? Because if you are, remind me to fire my P.R. manager. He is doing a worst job than I thought, if people assume I could do something so atrocious."

"I need-"

"You need reassurances that I'm going to keep Kara in the little circle you drew for her." Cat interrupts, with the same casual attitude. "And those, I can't give. If Kara ever steps out of it, it will be her own doing."

 _Wait, what?_ Alex recoils back slightly, raising her palms from Cat's desk as if it burnt her. "Circle I drew-"

"You know what I'm talking about." She stares pointedly at her. And Alex begins to feel edgy about the direction the conversation is going. "For someone with limitless potential, your sister has a lot of boundaries she can't cross."

Alex furrows her brow and cross her arms. "And you got all this from a single day?"

Cat looks at her condescending, not calling her out on the single day jab. Because really, even Alex recognizes it's bullshit. But then Cat's expression darkens and her tone lowers. "When was the last time she flew, Alex?"

It feels like a punch in her gut. Alex knows, _she knows_ , how much her sister loved flying. How she always looked the liveliest when she flew high enough to surpass the clouds or low enough to caress the ocean. But it had seemed such a low price to pay. Even if Alex hadn't been the one to pay it. Alex's toll is of a different kind.

Because there's Fort Rozz. And all kinds of beasts her sister is vulnerable to.

"You don't understand." Alex looks down and shakes her head. "It's not safe. I just-" She takes a deep breath. "I just want her to have a normal life."

"Why?" The infuriating woman asks, as she keeps purposely ignoring the point Alex is trying to make. She wonders if there'll ever be a conversation with Cat Grant that doesn't feel like being in the D.E.O.'s training ring with Hank Henshaw himself.

"What?"

"Why would you wish that upon her?"

"Because she's my sister and I love her?"

Cat clucks her tongue in disapproval, and Alex's fear for her sister's safety turns into anger at being reprimanded like a child. "She is extraordinary. She deserves more than a normal life. Do you really think you are making her a favor?"

Alex squares her shoulders, ready to fight her on this. She has not worked yourself to the bone, risking her life day after day, sacrificing the one she could have, only to have Cat Grant waltzing in and turning Kara into some kind of Superhero who can't manage to wear her underwear under her clothes.

"Of course, I'd never push her into... _heroism_." Cat says the word with a deep disdain, as if the whole notion physically disgusts her, and Alex almost deflates.

"So, we are on the same page, after all."

"Not pushing her into it is not the same as forcing her to stay put like some sort of pet." She corrects coolly. Then she sighs and rubs her temples for few seconds.

This show of worry and slight vulnerability is staged and deliberated, but not necessary false.

"Please..." Alex utters, before she can help herself. This woman has the power to mold Kara at will. And Alex needs her to keep Kara safe in a way she'll never be able to. But Cat just looks at her, staring unblinkingly for few seconds longer than comfortable. She's studying her. And she lets her.

"Next time, we should do dinner. Carter has spoke very highly on you." Alex frowns, taken aback from the sudden change in conversation and hates that she can't figure what's her angle. That she still hasn't a response.

But then she remember this is Kara's family. And Carter is great. And maybe this is Cat Grant's way to open her house to her, too. To let her know she has a place at the Grant's dinner table.

And she remembers a little lead box under her bed. And what she needs to do.

"Propose it to Kara. I'll make sure to free myself."

"Yes, do that." She nods, more to herself than to Alex, before returning her gaze to the papers on her desk.

"Can I trust this visit will go unmentioned?"

Alex is not sure the C.E.O. actually agrees or has just decided to ignore her. But she know she's been dismissed.

Playing nice with Cat Grant is not going to be easy.

She's almost to the door, when Cat speaks up again. "She feels the pull, you know?"

Alex stops mid-step, but does not turn. "Every time something happens, she feels the pull. And she makes the conscious decision to not act. Can you imagine how it must feel? Being able to help... even willing, but being stuck in a role. Forced to be nothing more than average." Cat snorts, dejected. "And don't delude yourself. It's not for her sake. But ours. She does it for _us_. So we can have a normal life. So _we_ don't have to worry." She sighs. And this time, it sounds real. "It'll come a day when it won't be enough. And when it happens... we can only support her."

Alex looks down, recognizing a hard truth in the older woman words. "Stronger together?"

She rolls her eyes. "Please, Alex, there's only so many times one can hear those words before they loose any meaning."

She laughs mirthlessly. "Don't let Kara hear you."

"I thought this was off the record." A beat. "I've met many military men and women in my days. I like to think I can pinpoint them by smell alone, at this point."

Alex feels cold dread running in her veins and she walks closer to Cat so fast Kara would have been proud. The D.E.O.'s director? Way less. "What are you trying to imply?"

She regards her calmly and the corner of her mouth raises into a sad smile. "National City is my home, Alex. Very few things get past me in my own home."

"I don't know what you are-"

"Alex. Whatever it is that you actually do... _Thank you_."

She knows she should keep denying it. That she can't, absolutely, confirm her suspicions, whatever they are.

But she's tired. And there's nothing she can probably say to make her change her mind. The woman is as headbulled as they come.

And she has never been thanked, before. Never for this.

So Alex hangs her head in a resigned nod. And when she orders herself a mid-morning drink from Noonan, she sends up a latte.

_Non-fat. Hot._

 

* * *

 

 

When Alex does meet Cat Grant again, it's only few hours later. Because apparently Alex's little sister has never heard of going slow (no matter what she claims) and Cat Grant is a big pushover where Kara is concerned.

Alex nods, Alex smiles and she lets Kara make introductions.

When Carter hugs her, no, crashes into her like the big kryptonian puppy she has grown up with, Cat looks completely befuddled and she can't help but smile smugly up at her.

Which is petty, probably. But she feels the need to remind Cat she is part of this. Part of this little family Kara has made for herself.

She's the sister. And _Aunt Alex_.

And Cat will probably have to deal with her for as long as she lives and breaths.

(Alex soon feels like a douche because she was the one who invited her in the first place. The one who opened her home to her.)

 

* * *

 

 

When she imagined her sister and Cat Grant, in the past, there was always some kind of _leash_ involved.

Not necessary a concrete one. God knows how much the thought of that makes her shudder.

But Kara is the kind of girl who always wants to help and always wants to make herself useful and she pouts every time she's told that her help isn't needed.

Alex has witnessed other people take advantage of that many times - Hell, she has taken advantage, back when she was a stupid kid - and Kara always smiles like she doesn't even realize she's being taken advantage of.

 _She does_ , Alex realized half-way in an Alien marathon during her last summer break. She was warning her sister about some slimey fellow intern at Midwale's paper and Kara just looked at her in that _Yeah, but what can I do?_ resigned way.

There were millions of answers Alex could have given her. From the _kick him in the nuts_ to _report him to the Human Resources_. But she just shrugged and offered to beat him up for her, knowing full well that Kara would have just shaken her head. She did.

And Alex failed to teach her to stand up for herself, yet another time.

Kara had gotten so good at blending in, hiding in front view, that she avoided every show of strength, every conflict, not only physical.

So... _yeah_ , a leash. Alex had expected to see her completely subdued by Cat's presence alone.

It was one of the things (of the many, too many things) that made Cat Grant so very dangerous in Alex's eyes.

She had been terrified of the thought of a completely whipped Kara, at the mercy of the woman who had the power to expose all her secrets.

And to keep Kara away from Alex.

(Growing up, she has lost friends - even few kind-of-girlfriends -, more than she cares to admit, swallowed whole by their relationship with their own soulmates)

(Soulmates couples befriend soulmate couples. There are double dates. Triple dates. No place for mateless Alex's there.)

She has never been more glad to be wrong.

And she finds herself retelling all her favorite childhood tales. She even tells Cat about the time she found Kara in their bathroom trying to give a bath to a raccoon.

"It looked terrified, Cat! And she was just humming lullabies at it!" She exclaims, between laughter, before leaning back against the armchair and take another sip from her glass, taking in the emotional warmth in the room.

"She." Kara corrects with an eyeroll. "She. She was a female raccoon."

Cat snorts, glancing at Kara for a moment, shaking her head before returning her attention to Alex. "So," Cat grins, "am I right to assume you joined her?"

"Hell, yeah! I still have the scars to prove it."

Carter giggles against Kara's side. "Seriously?"

Alex raises her sleeves and shows Cat and Carter two twin lines at the inside of her biceps, just few inches up her elbow. "It almost nicked an artery. Learn this valuable life lesson: Never, ever get roped into washing a wild animal."

"It never crossed my mind." Carter quips back.

"Because he's already smarter than you were." Kara narrows her eyes at her, while pulling Carter closer with the arm she has wrapped around him, and Alex feigns offence. "I didn't know any better. You, however..."

"You made it look like fun!" She almost shouts defensively.

"It was so frightening. Alex started bleeding all over the bathroom."

The Grants snicker at her. "Right, right, smile at my pain." Alex smirks gamely. "But that's not even the funniest part."

"Alex...!" Kara groans.

"Shush, you. They deserve to know and I deserve the right to embarrass you."

"Your _right_?"

"Big sister right. It's in the handbook."

"I never received this so-called handbook."

"Of course not, it's the _big_ sister handbook." Alex shots back.

"And we are so very curious. Go ahead, Alex." Cat steps in and Carter is nodding his enthusiasm.

"So, it cuts my arm, and Kara, of course, just... drops it."

" _Her_."

Alex rolls her eyes at the interruption and shares a meaningful look with Cat. _Yes, this is what we are going to deal with._ The older woman smiles softly behind her glass. And it finally, _finally_ hits Alex that this woman, this _Cat Grant: Queen of all Media_ shaped woman, may be just as smitten with Kara as the girl is.

Alex has always know Kara had someone. Little Kara, the freaky alien sister, came with ink all over her arms.

But she always was no more than an extension of Kara. Even when Alex was in her office, earlier that day, pleading her to not ruin her sister's life and her own hard work, she didn't really see Cat as... well, a real person. She was a threat. A woman of power. Even a woman who had thrust the weight of parenthood over an already traumatized girl.

But never someone who could _love_ her sister.

Someone who smiles tenderly and has eyes so full of affection.

"She drops her." Alex forces herself to continue her anecdote, fumbling for a moment, trying to remember what she was going to say. "And... the poor beast starts wreaking havoc trying to escape. It- She! Almost lunges at me again, probably smart enough to know this one wouldn't give her the satisfaction to bleed."

"How dramatic." Kara mumbles.

"Shush, you." Cat intercepts, and Alex feels like an idiot to not have caught it sooner, because here it is again, that smile and that _gaze_.

"Thank you." A pause. "So, it-she is lunging. And she grabs him by the tail just in time for me to not get mutilated and my parents starts banging on the bathroom's door."

"Because you had let out the girliest, highest pitched scream in history." Kara adds grumpily, before sending a quick smile to Carter to show she isn't really upset by the story.

"So, she opens the window. My parents barge in the bathroom in the exact moment Kara is throwing the raccoon. Out. Of. The. Window. And then I started laughing, because God, guys, their faces! And Kara's."

"I didn't know what to do!"

"I had so many vax shots that night. And when we came back, Kara goes and leaves some food on the porch for my aggressor!"

And her sister actually pouts at that. "She never came back. You must have terrified her."

"Me? Kara, you looked like Annie Wilkes with that poor thing."

"Who is Annie Wilkes?" Carter asks and Alex cringes.

"A fictional character." Cat replies easily.

"Famous for...?"

"Nothing that should concern you, Carter."

"You do know people invented internet, right?"

"Don't remind me. I work with it." She glances at the clock. "Off to bed. There's still school, tomorrow. Say goodnight to aunt Alex."

He protests weakly, but still walks over Alex for a hug. "Hey, buddy. Sleep tight." She looks over his shoulder, trying to catch Cat's gaze to convey her gratefulness.

But her sister beat her to it. Looking at Cat like she has just gifted her the world.

Alex knows her place in Kara's new life shouldn't be Cat's to give.

But she is glad she still has it.

And has the boy tightens his grip, before releasing her, she wonders if she, perhaps, has gained something more.

 

* * *

 

 

Cat gracefully ignores her sudden bout of anxiety and the fact that Carter's hug still has her a little shell shocked.

And Alex wishes she could avoid the conversation that awaits her as soon as Kara returns from Carter's room.

"I'm sorry." Alex breaks the silence. "About the Annie Wilkes comment." She raises her shoulders, guilty. "It's been a while since I've been  around children."

Cat waves her off. "This things happen. And Carter is a very inquisitive child. Also quite shy. It's refreshing seeing him interact with other people aside... well... me. And his nannies. Some of them."

"He is a great kid, Cat." She almost adds more. Almost _thanks her_ for it.

"Yeah, well. He is. A bit of a momma boy. But that's my fault and I'm still not convinced that's actually a bad thing."

"I guess Kara is not really helping in that department."

Cat replies with a knowing smile. "Have you ever known her to restrain her affection?"

Alex grins then freeze. She can hear whispering and giggling and she doesn't need super-hearing to know what they are talking about.

She coughs to try and cover their voices and Cat stares at her. "I hope you're only trying to prevent me from listening Kara telling our ten years old the plot of _Misery_ and you're not actually coming up with anything."

Right. Germaphobe. "Uhm... cover up."

 

* * *

 

 

"You're too lenient with him." Cat states as soon as Kara comes back, and Alex mentally prepares herself from the flurry of apologies her sister is going to vomit.

But Kara only shakes her head with a teasing smile. "Hi, Pot. I'm kettle."

Cat raises her eyebrow and Alex blinks uselessly, baffled by Kara's ease with the woman. "Nice goodnight story?"

"I only told him enough to understand the reference. He has an internet access. I thought it would discourage to actually look it up. I gave him the most watershed version. Only a general idea. Like... there's a man. He has an accident. And a woman takes care of him... kind of, but doesn't let him out of his room. He escapes. Andersen's fairy tales are way more gory. Like a lot. I mean like... _The Little Match Seller_! Or... or... _The Red Shoes_! Or-"

"Kara."

"Right. I thought a version from one of us was better than the internet. Or he could have just asked his soulmate but we don't know-"

"His soulmate has been nothing but respectful." Cat states matter-of-factly. There's also a little edge in her voice. Like this person, whoever they may be, already have Cat's respect and understanding.

Kara deflates, smiling bashfully at Cat. "I know. I just worry."

Cat's shoulders drop and she looks at Kara like she single handedly hanged every single star. "It's alright. You made your case very well, darling." She point a threatening finger toward her. "But if he has any nightmare's you'd better step in."

"No where else I'd rather be." Comes the serene response.

Cat rolls her eyes, trying to hide a little smile. And Alex shifts in her seat, uncomfortable. Feeling like she's intruding in a intimate and very _domestic_ conversation.

She's aware it's only a matter of time until they drop the pretense and Kara's belongings leave her home.

"Is there somewhere we can talk without Carter risking to accidentally overhearing us?"

Kara furrows her brows in confusion. And Cat raises an eyebrow, mildly intrigued. "Are there more bloody tales?"

"No. This is... _different_."

"What is it, Alex?" Kara asks.

"I really think we should have this conversation in private." Alex grits out.

"Well, then." Cat claps her hands together. "Follow me."

"I have to..." Alex nods towards the foyer, before leaving to collect her pursue. "So... well, there's something I should tell you. I guess the sooner, the better." She starts, before opening it and retrieving a small box, not much bigger than the one who could contain an engagement ring.

She places it on the table, in front of them.

"What is it?" Kara asks, looking suddenly worried. And Alex wonders if she can feel its effects even if surrounded by lead.

"This is a Kryptonite modulator." Alex announces.

Kara scrunches her forehead in confusion. "Kryptonite? Why-"

Kara doesn't get to ask her question, because Cat is already standing, looking extremely pissed off and instantly so very close Alex's almost fears this is going to end in a fist fight. Or Cat fight. "May you ask you why you tough it would be a good idea to bring Kryptonite into my _home_?"

"Cat-"

"Don't Cat me. There's Kryptonite in there?" She asks, pointing at the little black box without looking towards it. Alex nods, taken aback by the strong reaction. "Then get it out of here. Now."

"Hey. Wait. You need this." She raises her voice as Cat starts stomping off.

"Why should we ever need Kryptonite?"

"Are you really going to make me say it? Sex. You want to be safe? You need it." She states as matter of fact-ly as possible, fearing it may soon become another pissing contest.

She keeps her eyes on Cat. She doesn't dare to glance at Kara, because she already feels she won't like the expression she's wearing. She heard the small gasp. She knows what it means.

"I'm not in the business of poisoning my lovers, miss Danvers." She sneers, and the _miss Danvers_ part stings a little more than Alex could have anticipated. Far cry from aunt Alex.

Still, she doesn't loose her cool. "I assure you it's completely safe. It'll take her powers away to human point. It doesn't only reign in her powers, but it could also... _heighten_ her usually numbed sense of touch."

Cat shakes her head. "What about long-time exposure? Or the pesky side-effects? What if it falls in the wrong hands?"

"And what if she breaks your neck? What if she literally blows your brain out?" She shots back.

Cat scoffs, waving her hand in a _Oh, please_ gesture.

But it's Kara's voice that shakes her our of her righteous anger. Small and broken. "You think I- I could never- I would never- I'd never hurt her."

"Kara..." Alex tries. She tries and searches for the right words. "You still break door handles when you get... careless."

_Emotional. Excited. Giddy happy. Angry. When you're comfortable and stop thinking about reining in your strength. When you're half-awake._

"I would never get careless with Cat's well-being!"

"Then you'd be doing it wrong!" Alex retorts and both sisters recoil from the outburst.

"What?" Kara asks dumbfounded. She can see Cat pinch the bridge of her nose, as if she knows where the conversation is going and hating every second of it.

"Sex is not cuddling with fingers. And if you don't get a little careless... You. Are. Doing. It. Wrong." Then she turns towards the other woman. "And really, Cat? _Long-time exposure_? What are your intentions with my sister? Lock her in a sex dungeon for months to make up for lost time?"

Kara blushes terribly. For her part, Cat betrays no emotion.

"And seriously, I'm the best authority on Kryptonian's Physiology in the room. Hell, probably the whole planet. We'll do weekly checks up, if needed. Unless you want a second opinion. Which is our _mother_. Isn't she flying in next week?"

"Is she?" Cat asks, narrowing her eyes at Kara, who shrugs sheepishly, still beet red.

"And it's a Kryptonian _modulator_. You can modulate the intensity of the radiation to a point you feel comfortable enough. You could even lower it gradually and train out of it. And the highest setting is still not enough to make you sick. Vaguely nauseous, maybe. But not sick."

Cat sits down next to Kara, a hand sneaking to grab hers and Kara smiles gratefully at her. And Alex stays silent, knowing Kara is gradually starting to really consider it.

"You believe that's our only option?" She finally asks. "To be truly safe?"

"Kal is into freaky and boring tantric shit." She accidentally reveals, still pumped up from their almost fight.

"I did not want to know that." Kara replies, disgusted. "Wait, how do _you_ know it?"

"Lois." Both the other women reply.

"Still didn't want to know that."

"Yeah, well... do you think I wanted to devote my research to make sure my little sister got laid?"

Kara cringes, before regaining her wounded puppy look. "I just-"

Alex sighs, and almost hates herself for her next words. "Kara. Do you remember the TV incident?"

"It was an accident! And private! The hormones..."

"You were aroused." She states calmly.

"I just can't-" She splutters and half growls. "You weren't supposed to-"

And maybe she really wasn't, because Kara is up is seconds and already storming off towards the front door.

And Alex curses herself for how badly she handled it.

Cat glares, and follows Kara.

 

* * *

 

 

"For God's sake, Kara. Wait. This heels where not made to run after girls. No matter how pretty they are."

Kara sucks in a breath. "Cat, please." She almost turns turn to face her, but she can feel her eyes burn and she knows Cat's thoughts on women crying in public.

Kara doesn't know if this constitutes as _public_. But she doesn't want to risk it. Not after all the mess with Alex.

"Kara. Look at me." She refuses to, shaking her head a few times. "Kara." Her voice is stern, now. And it forces her into obedience.

Cat walks up to her, and Kara takes a moment to notice how she didn't approach her gingerly, like she's some kind of wild animal who could be spooked at a moment notice. Like Eliza and Alex used to do when she was upset.

Cat looks at her like nothing happened. Like her sister hasn't just reminded her Kara could accidentally kill her. As if she isn't crying in her foyer, an hand on the handle ready to run.

"Oh, _Kara_." She flicks some invisible dust off her shoulder. It's one of those strange things she does when she wants some kind of contact but not really. And Kara relax in the familiar touch.

"I'm sorry. She shouldn't have- I didn't mean to-"

"Are you going to finish at least one of your sentences? Or can I start guessing." Kara scowls at the ground, desperate looking for words she cannot find. And she must have taken too long, because Cat starts talking. "You are running from me." She states. "Why?"

"I'm not running from you." She rebuts quickly.

"Please, Kara. Sisters bicker all the time. You love each other. You will make up as soon as you two stop being so hardheaded and actually talk. No, no, the problem wasn't the topic of the conversation. The problem was I was in the room. So, tell me, why are you running?"

"Alex is the problem. She-"

"No, she isn't. Try again?"

"She shouldn't have! She should have come to me. Not- We," she says, suddenly so very angry, "still haven't... you know."

Cat pursues her lips, like she's hiding a smile. "Well, it would have been useless if we had already-"

"Talked." Kara intercedes. "We still haven't approached the subject. My sister shouldn't have been the one to approach it. Not with you. And she shouldn't have told you about the TV incident. It was... personal."

"Puberty is a messy affair." She shrugs casually. "It's completely normal to be taken aback by arousal. And everybody has an embarrassing story about getting turned on in the wrong moment. Or while watching something completely non-sexual."

Kara snorts. _Yeah, right_. But usually people don't shot lasers from their eyes.

"But that's not the issue here, isn't it?" Cat steps closer. "You weren't embarrassed. If you run out every time you get embarrassed, I'd probably won't be able to keep you in the house for more than fifty seconds." She presses her lips together. "No, no. You were scared. So, Kara Zor-El, what is that scares you so much?"

Kara thinks about arguing. About denying she was ever scared. But it's only Cat in the room with her. And Kara won't lie to Cat if she can help it. "You shouldn't have to deal with this."

"I'm pretty sure I am. I'm pretty sure it's part of the package. I get the girl and whatever it is that has you running"

"The inappropriate sister?" Cat tilts her head, as if Kara didn't even speak and she's still waiting for her answer. So she bites the bullet. "I'm an alien."

Cat stares unblinkingly for a couple of seconds, as if she is waiting for some sort follow up, then shakes her head where none comes. "I'm well aware." Cat replies dryly with a _Well, Duh_ expression. "Long before you even landed. That's what this is about?" She snorts and shakes her head again, looking genuinely incredulous. "You're afraid that somehow your sister scared me off the big, dangerous alien?"

Kara tries and fails to keep her expression neutral.

"Kara, I don't care. You could be green and have scales and I wouldn't care. Well, unless you were insect-based. Then, we'd probably be in couple therapy right about yesterday. Or overly furry. I have rules about shedding."

She frowns, ignoring Cat's attempt at levity. "My sister thinks I could accidentally kill you."

"Your sister built you the sex equivalent of training wheels." She scoffs. "For God's sake, Kara, stop blushing every time I say sex. Sex, sex, sex."

"Are you saying I'm overreacting?"

"Not really. She should have probably come to you, privately. But with the blushing routine you're pulling, I can see her point."

"It wasn't her place. One thing it's silly stories about not knowing which Earth animals you could or could not keep as pets. Another is..."

Cat sighs, shuffling closer. "Look. I don't like the thought of Kryptonite two thousand feet from you. I don't like the thought that anybody could ever put their hands on the source. And if you think it's not necessary, I'm going to throw the thing in the furthest volcano. I have my ways." She takes her hand. "I trust you."

"But...?" Kara asks, already bracing herself.

"I trust you. The but part is not about that. _But_ ," She counters gracefully, "I would want you to freely enjoy it."

Kara lowers her head, playing idly with Cat's fingers. "I did incinerate a TV. I guess we could... consider it if-when!"

Cat's free hand touches her cheek, lightly nudging until she meets her eyes again. "You know... we don't have to. Or we could decide later. It's... Alright if you're not ready. I'm not going to pressure you. We can shelf the topic for as long as you need. I know it's probably not an easy shift in our relationship. We've known each other for so long, yet we never approached the whole _we're going to be a couple_ conversation. So, if you don't..." Kara felt a her heart drop at Cat's insecure look.

Cat didn't do insecure. She was assertive and borderline arrogant and Kara would do everything in her power to take that expression away.

Even confess the truth she had run from.

"It was you." Kara blurts out, before she can second-guess herself. The notion Kara could be not attracted to her so preposterous and dangerous it has to be completely wiped out from Cat's mind.

Cat's forehead furrows and she tilts her head in confusion. Then the spark of realization passes her eyes and Kara sees her whole face light up, a wide infectious grin on her lips. Lips that are on her the next instant.

And Kara can't help but mirror the smile against her mouth.

"You're having a strange reaction for someone who has just been told the woman she's... involved with blown up a TV while your face was on." She says, as the kiss comes to an end.

"I'm strangely ok with the thought of my own soulmate finding me sexually appealing."

"That's not the point. I... you're not afraid?"

"No. I trust you. I trust we will work out a... solution. Whatever is the one your sister proposed it's still to be decided. But, all in all, I don't mind knowing the option is there, as some kind of last resort and if there are truly no side effects. Especially since, well... we're obviously going to head there."

Kara nods slowly, smiling a little at Cat's refund Cat-ness. "We could give it a try?"

"I can't wait." She husks against her cheek, which causes Kara a full-body shiver.

"Me too." She manages to reply back, with a strangled voice.

"Thank God. I haven't gotten laid for the longest time."

Kara brain is about to short-circuit. She can feel it. Here, standing, with her forehead pressed to Cat's shoulder (when did they hug?) and taking in her scent and her words.

"Uhm... should I return later?" Alex asks timidly, and Kara turns to stare at her, breaking from Cat's hold.

She looks down and adjusts her glasses. "I-"

"I'm sorry." Alex interrupts. "I was out of line and I'm sorry. I... just want you to be happy." She continues, softer. "And safe. Both of you. I don't think you're dangerous. I trust you completely. I like your hugs! I never, ever think, not even for a second you could hurt me. But... you are about to... well. What kind of big sister would I be if I didn't provide protection?"

"Alex..." Kara shakes her head, wishing she could actually stay angry a little longer.

"Alright. I got it. Dental Dams, next time." She jokes.

Cat snorts behind her and Kara feels a hand against the small of her back. A nudge, she realizes.

_Go and make up._

"You are the worst."

"You love me." Alex replies easily.

"I'm still a little angry." She shakes her head. Realizing she kind of is. "I just can't believe-" She huffs and makes few embarrassing noise of anger.

"I love when you break things."

"What?"

She shrugs, and walks closer. "I love when you break things." Alex repeats. "It means you feel safe enough to relax. It means you feel like you don't have to pretend. And knowing you're comfortable enough to not reign your own strength? It's worth every damn thing I own. And... this thing with Cat? You deserve to feel just as comfortable. Just as safe. I know how careful you have to be around us fragile humans." She cracks a teary smile. "Let me give you the chance to just..." She sighs and raises her shoulder. "You could use it to get drunk. Or tickle fights. Or just to clip your nails. And for what I'm concerned, these are its only uses."

"Alex."

"You don't have to be strong all the time, Kara. You deserve to let go. And be happy. You deserve to have everything this world has to offer you. No limits."

This is her sister. Alex Danvers.

And Kara loves, loves, loves her.

And Kara hugs her as hard as she dares and Alex hugs her as hard as she can.

For the first time in years, Kara wonders how it would feel to be really held. It's like Alex single-handedly opened up a whole chest of new possibilities she has learnt to ignore.

"Thank you."

"Just: no details."

She laughs into her sister's shoulder, before freezing as her ears catch Cat's next words.

"Good luck with that. I like to brag."

Kara hopes she's just making a jibe at Alex.

She isn't very sure.

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey."

Alex raises her head and smiles a little awkwardly, last night events still too recent to completely ignore them, even thought the night ended with her explaining the device to them. "Hey. How's the kid?"

Kara smiles her new Carter smile. The one that's all sunshine and pride and not devastatedly heartbreaking. "Slept like a rock. We managed to not cause him nightmares."

"Well, that's a success, at least." She laughs and slumps on the couch, next to her and Alex turns her body to face her, before clearing her throat. "So... Cat seems nice, too."

Kara raises an amused eyebrow and she finds herself grinning back. "Cat does not seem nice. But she really is, Alex. So much. She's so caring and driven and beautiful and witty and she's the best. And I'm the luckiest."

"And not biased at all." She teases back with an easy smile.

Kara shrugs, and smiles at her lap. "I can't believe she's mine."

She playfully bumps her shoulder into Kara's. "You better believe. And trust me, she is the luckiest."

She rolls her eyes. "You have to say it. You're my sister."

"For what it's worth? The whole over-protective mode she got into at the mention of Kryptonite gave her many good points in my book." Kara smiles. "But she does lose some every time she shares a bed with my sister out of wedlock."

Kara manages to giggle and choke at the same time, and Alex's grin widens. "First of all, I thought we had your blessing, miss I-just-want-you-to-have-safe... you know."

"You're sleeping over every night, Kara. If you gotta do it, better be safe."

"Which brings me to my second point. I sleep in the guestroom."

"What?!"

"Well, yeah. Except the first night... with Carter between us, we still haven't..." She waves her hands uselessly. "We haven't even gone on a _date_ , Alex."

"Do soulmates even date? Do the ones that already share children? I thought you just... jumped right in."

"Well... I don't know? But we date. Are going to, really. Since... we still haven't... dated. Once. Yet."

"So... what do you actually do, all by yourself, in the guestroom?"

Kara smiles, completely smitten. "I can hear them, Alex." She sighs slowly, looking upwards, like she's trying to describe something wonderful. "I can listen to their heartbeat and their breathing and... the cute little sighs. And it's enough to know I'm home."

"Well, damn."

"So, yeah. We're taking it slow." Kara beams, jumping slightly on her seat. "But we are going on a date. On Friday."

"Tomorrow is Friday."

"I know!" Kara gushes out in glee.

"That's great. I'm going to dress you up."

"She said casual."

" _Cat Grant_ casual." She corrects, and Kara actually groans at the thought. "Plus, I'm going to use it as an excuse to redeem myself, after last night. She'll thank me and she'll see what a great sister-in-law I am."

"Are you using my body to impress my soulmate?"

"Well..."

"And you know, we have to... marry for her to become your sister-in-law."

"But Kara, we've already gone over this. You're supposed to marry your soulmate. It's what you do with them." Kara snorts. "Come on, I may not have one, but even I know how it works."

"You wi-"

"I won't." Alex blurts out. And she can see Kara freeze up in her peripheral. "I mean... I took the test."

"You..."

"I'm aging, Kara. There was no use into wondering." She shrugs and forces a smile for Kara's sake. "And it's ok, really."

"I... I'm so sorry, Alex."

"Kara, it's fine. I... It's not like I lost someone. They just never..." She waves her hands vaguely. "I've got my job. And I've got you. And now a nephew to educate to the art of rule breaking." Kara lips stretch in a watery smile. "And yes, the billionaire sister-in-law I really, _really_ , didn't ask for."

She finds herself engulfed in a Kara hug and she lets herself melt into it, feeling strangely lighter now that the words are finally out.

"We're happy to have you."

"Of course you are. I'm great to have around." She jokes as they break the hug.

But Kara doesn't let her go very far, the grip on her upper arms strong enough to keep her in place, but not enough to hurt. "You are. And you'll still meet some lucky man or woman who'll be so very happy to be by your side."

 _Yeah. But not the one_ , she almost replies. But her sister has her Kara's resolve face on, so she bites her tongue and nod.

There are other things she won't let herself confess.

Like how sometimes, for few fleeting moments, there's a reddish shadow on her hands, like she has just dipped her hands in dirt red clay soil. Or the light green under her feet, as if she has walked barefoot on grass.

Or the barely visible white streaks on her skin like she dipped in sea water and just let the sun dry her off.

She doesn't dare to tell Kara that.

Because the thought of a soulmate she met and is purposely ignoring is enough to choke her at night.

And it's a shame she will always carry in secret.

 

* * *

 

 

Alex spends half of her Friday making sure her little sister is ready for her princess Charming.

The other half getting repeatedly punched on the face by an alien-something right out a Stan Lee's comic.

She falls down twice.

And stands up thrice.

It's what she does and what she is.

She is Alex Fucking Danvers.

 

* * *

 

Dating Cat is something she has been ready to do all her life.

Kara may have not called them dates, back on Krypton, since the whole concept didn't even exist.

But there were foods she had wanted her to try. And places she had wanted her to see. And words that were meant for her ears alone.

And food, location and conversation are the main components of a good date, aren't they?

Kara doesn't know where to buy Kandor's sweet spices, here on Earth. She is not even sure if they are poisonous to humans and it doesn't even matter anymore.

She can't show her Krypton, after all.

She doubts her dead planet is an appropriate first date topic.

And Kara wishes she had done something extraordinary here on Earth.

A funny and silly story where the punch line isn't _because I'm an Alien_.

Cat has already paid the price of having a soulmate from a different species. There's no need to remind her. No more than Alex already has.

She wants to give her _normal_. She wants to be someone Cat could actually relate, too. Someone whose life experiences don't start and finish with a _Have I told you of that time my whole planet exploded and I got knocked out off course only to land on a strange, blue planet you happen to live on_ _?_

And no matter what she has said: Kara has noticed her expression while she was telling Carter the popcorn machine accident. The slight scowl. The subtle fidgeting.

The way her eyes darted around the room without looking.

Purposely not listening.

And the whole Kryptonite modulator Elephant in the room? Never addressed again.

Almost two whole days of texting or writing and breakfasts in the morning and a dinner with Carter before he left with his father, and Cat working and Cat excusing herself to work some more.

(And hands touching, and slow goodnight kisses and quick hello-kisses and coffee flavored pecks in the morning and Cat smirking that forsaken smirk every time Kara throat goes dry as if she can actually pinpoint the exact moment her mind goes... _puff_.)

Kara sighs, and walking to the full length mirror. She hadn't put this much care in dressing herself since her foster cousin's wedding.

She feels overdressed, standing in Alex's apartment. And underdressed for a date with Cat Grant.

 _Cat Grant casual_ , indeed.

Kara knows she won't remember this moment. Ten years from now, when they will have finally worked everything out, when being with Cat would be as easy and natural as breathing, when she won't be self-conscious about every little thing she does, when the thought of meeting Cat in ten minutes won't have her stomach in knots, she won't remember any of this.

Nobody ever does.

But now, she can't shake the nabbing feeling of being in the wrong fairytale. More like a Cinderella that can't help but wonder if she can really show up at a ball with a dress mice have sewed, than whatever she is supposed to be.

She understands now, what Cat had meant all those times. When she pushed and pushed and told her over and over she needed to find her place. To be her own person, first.

But she is Cat. And Kara doesn't need more time to know she wants her.

She can see it on her skin and feel it in her bones, ingrained in her D.N.A. before she even knew her. Before Cat was even _born_.

 _It's in her, too._ , Kara reminds herself.

_It's in her, too._

 

* * *

 

 

Kara forgets what she was so worried about when Cat presses her against her sister's apartment door as soon as she tells her Alex had an emergency at work and was not at home.

She uses up all the fancy words to tell Kara she's beautiful, whispers them against her lips, and she lets herself believe her.

(She has also never blushed so much in her whole life.)

 

* * *

 

 

Cat wasn't exaggerating.

Kara is beautiful. And becomes increasingly more beautiful as the minutes pass.

Cat is used to beauty. She is surrounded by it. She has seen it splattered in the semi-glazed pages of so many magazines.

She's done her share of splattering, too.

But Kara is beautiful in a way that's soft. And simple. And soulful.

And she looks at her. She always looks at her. Not in her general direction. Her eyes don't wander over her body.

They look at Cat. She searches for her eyes even when she is not looking at her.

She has a terrible fashion sense. And Cat would have probably made jib after jib, if she was any other person than her.

(She also secretly finds it endearing. But she's probably never going to admit that. God knows what would happen if Kara tried to dress bad _on purpose_.)

And she's beautiful. And lovely. And absolutely perfect.

But Cat lives in a world of beauty. Fake. Calculated. And examined.

She hates, hates, hates, that she will have to step in.

That she will have to explain to the girl that in a world where she's Cat Grant and Kara Danvers is hers, there will be expectation.

And fashion and color schemes and dresses she wouldn't be able to afford, not even if she had a job.

Pricey useless things that probably will make her less Kara. Less beautiful.

But not tonight.

Tonight she's just Kara. And Cat is just Cat.

And she takes her girl to the place she has always wished she could show her. The place where CatCo was truly born. Where Cat herself, was reborn.

The place where she has longed for her wayward starling the most.

Back when Cat only had a hopeless dream to keep her afloat.

 

* * *

 

 

Kara is a little confused when Cat leads her in a very out of the way rundown building.

Even more when she realize where they are.

The old KXCU TV station.

She almost asks why they are there, but then she stops herself.

There's a story, here. And she wants to hear it.

"So... you're undoubtedly wondering why we're having our first date here."

"A little." Kara smiles and shakes her head. "But I knew you were too... you, for just dinner and a movie."

"Oh, we'll get to that, don't worry." There's a spark of mischief in her eyes and Kara can't help but grin back.

"Tell me the story, Cat."

She moves slowly around the room, before stopping at the centre. "I used to work here. This was my real jumping start. This place..." She breaths in and her body wiggles a little, as if the memory alone gave her shivers. "... made me happy. Not happy, happy. But happy enough. Before Carter. Before you. This was the only thing I had. But..." She smiles melancholic. "But I wanted you here. Kal had just confirmed that you were alive... somewhere." She stops, raising her gaze as if she was still looking for Kara's pod in the stars. "And even though I knew KXCU was only a stepping stone, that I was going to stay here for long... when I imagine you finally making to Earth... this is where I pictured us."

There's an _Oh, Cat_ on the tip of her tongue. A need to rush and take her in her arms in every myocyte in her body.

But Kara doesn't move. Doesn't even breath. Still doesn't know how to make up for every pain she had unwillingly put her soulmate through. _Cat_ , through.

"But I wanted to share it with you. I wanted you... to see it." She breaths in deeply, raising her shoulders as high as she could, before completely dropping them. "So, when I heard they were going to update it, convert it to digital broadcasting... I bought it."

"You _bought_... it?" She asks, her tone laced with disbelief.

"Of course." She responds quietly.

Kara feels a grin stretch on her face, and instinctively lowers her chin. The whole concept is completely ridiculous. And sweet. And crazy. And Kara is absolutely charmed. "You bought a building for me?" She whispers in dazed amazement.

"Well, dear, it's hardly a building. And-"

She partially tunes Cat out. Kara knows what she is saying. That it's not a big deal. That she had other reasons. _Blah, blah, blah_. But. She bought a TV station studio, one of the places it mattered the more for her because she wanted to show it to her.

Cat Grant, one of her biggest heroes and role models (and yes, celebrity crush), during the most pivotal moments of her carrier, was thinking of Kara. Because she is her soulmate.

It's a simple truth that will always make her feel overcome by awe and gratitude.

Cat stops talking the moment Kara's hands sneak around her waist. And the Kara is not afraid to instigate the kiss.

Not when the woman is so perfect and she has proved, yet again, that she has been waiting. That she has been thinking of this very moment. And this was where Kara was always supposed to be.

"Show me?" Kara whispers, forehead still pressed against Cat's.

"You're going to get mushy over this, aren't you?" Kara grins goofy in response and Cat steps back, rolling her eyes. "Of course you are."

"You lied." Kara states jovially, quickly reaching for Cat's hand.

"Did I?"

"You said you weren't romantic nor sentimental. Many times over."

"I'm not."

"Cat..." Kara waves around the room. "You kind of are."

The woman pursues her lips, with a half concealed little smile. "Maybe there are few exception."

"If you say..." Cat tilts her head in a go ahead, and Kara fidgets a little, suddenly loosing her nerve.

"Would you rather write it?" She asks patiently, an elegant pen in her hand.

Kara smiles at her, feels the roots of her nervousness uncoil. She hasn't even noticed Cat taking out that pen. But the fact that she cared enough to bring it with her in case Kara got tongue tied again... makes her knees go weak with something that has nothing to do with anxiety or fear.

And Kara loves this. How fickle is Cat's uncaring front when she's with her.

"If you say I'm the exception," Kara speaks softly, "you'll only prove me right."

Cat does that cute half-snort and shakes her head, Kara's temporary stumble completely forgotten. "Then I won't. Come on."

Cat's eyes are twinkling and she's leading Kara through the room. And the small hand in hers is terribly distracting.

She talks, talks, talks.

Waves her free hand around and tugs her with the other.

It could seem not so unlike with what she did few nights ago, when she was actually pushing Kara away.

This time is different.

This time Kara knows, deep in her gut, these words and these stories were always meant for her.

 

* * *

 

 

"I don't think I can beat you when it's my turn."

Kara fights the urge to pat her stomach in a very not lady-like fashion. Even if there's probably no one else for miles but her and Cat.

But Cat is the only audience she wants to impress, after all.

Kara had almost given up any hope to be fed (even if Cat had hinted at a dinner and movie), somewhere in the three hours they had spent downstairs.

Not that she really minded. She loves listening to Cat, could have listened to her forever.

And contrary to popular belief, she doesn't think about food all the time.

Often, yes. But who _doesn't_?

There's breakfast time thinking. And lunch. And dinner. And mid-morning snacks. And mid-afternoon. And after-dinner dessert.

And a little something to munch on to get through the day. But she doesn't think about that.

It's not like she gets hunger pains or something, if she doesn't eat.

She usually detects hunger by the sudden and unbridled desire to bite through furniture and other inedible, inanimate objects.

She blames Alex reading Hansel and Gretel to her, that one time.

Still, she was pleasantly surprised when Cat led her to the upper floor.

While everything downstairs was kept clean, but otherwise untouched, the upper lever was remodeled in a cozy apartment studio. But the what amazed her the most, was how every single piece was not from this year.

Kara almost blew a Superhero secret identity when she asked Cat if it was her _Bat_ -cave.

But no.

Cat had this room emptied and refurbished in six hours.

And there was food. So much food. And Cat had easily gotten all Kara's favorite since, quoting Cat, 75% of their previous conversations were about Kara's love for food.

(Kara was not sure she had any grounds to object.)

"I doubt it's a competition in dating." Cat smirks at her and takes a sip. "But if it were... I play for keeps."

Kara smiles politely, trying to not let the light tension in the room get to her. "Oh, I know. Trust me. I've been looking towards game night, since you and Alex explained board games to me."

"I was not talking about board games, dear."

She swallows around the knot in her throat. Kara can feel every little hair on the nape of her neck stand in attention at the teasing tone. "I know that too."

It's hard to pretend she isn't aware Cat is actively seducing her when the woman's ankle is slowly rubbing against her calf. Harder still when she is probably as red as Rao's light. "Uhm... maybe there's hope for you, after all."

"Cat." Kara is surprised by her own voice. Suddenly lower and huskier than she thought it could ever be.

And Cat smirks knowingly.

Kara clear her throat, feeling so out of her league but not ready to give up. "Still... it's perfect. I'm glad you shared this place with me. Even if you still haven't told me why everything in the room seems so very... retro."

Cat snorts. "Thank you, dear. It was truly the effect I was going for."

Kara cringes, somehow knowing she has just put her foot in her mouth. "We're in your apartment, aren't we?"

"No. We aren't. I wasn't stupid enough to live over a Tv-station. My brain is too precious for that. I guess... I felt like I wanted to time-travel a bit. Pretend, for a night, that there was no delay in your travel. That we're truly the same age. But, most of all, I wanted you to see this me. The me you deserved to date. Without any of the baggage I now have." Kara opens her mouth to correct her. "No, I don't mean Carter."

"Cat, I don't-"

"Let me finish." She nods. "There are things Cat Grant, registered mark, can't do. She can't date her assistant. She can't set foot in a one of those _All you can Eat_ buffet you love so much. Or be at home by six. Or take you to a public movie theater and make out with you until the ushers kick us out." Kara smiles at her. "I want to. But I can't."

Cat lets her take her hand over the table.

"I won't lie. It's not going to be easy." She continues. "I know, I know, I'm not going to scare you off. But there will be times... you might get a little fed up with the whole Cat Grant persona. Hell, I do to. Carter does. There will be public dates. And fame-seeking paparazzi. And I'll probably drag you to stuffy events when you'll wish boredom would just kill you. But, first... I wanted to show you there can be this kind of dates, too. And before the fame and the riches and the glamour, it was all I wanted for us."

"I believe... the fact you want to do those things with me... it's more than enough for me."

Cat huffs. "You are ignoring the point."

"No, I don't think I am." She raises an eyebrow at Kara and folds her arms. And she leans in over the table, her eyes never leaving Cat's until the woman unfolds them again and lets her take her hands. "Cat, I regret every moment you needed me and I was not here. But trust me when I say... there's nothing I'm looking forward more than spending the rest of them standing beside you. Be it in a room full of fame-seeking paparazzi." She teases lightly, not really in the mood to ruin this night with the real threat the world could be. "Or at home with our son. Or alone with you in an old building you bought." _For me_ , Kara adds in her mind and Cat's half exasperated glare she quickly sends to her, tells Kara the woman heard them anyway.

"Yeah, well... I guess we'll see?"

There's a hint of vulnerability in her gaze, and Kara knows it'll probably take her more than a week to take it away. She decides to not call her on it. Instead, she nods her head toward the couch and the big cathode ray tube television set. "So... Does it mean we get to make out on the couch while we ignore whatever movie you've chosen?"

Cat grins, slow and predatory, and Kara can't stop from shuddering in her seat, all her temporary bravado no where to be seen.

"I got VHS. But we wouldn't want to endanger our eyesight, now, would we?"

 

* * *

 

 

Kara never thought she could be sexually appealing to someone. Not really.

Some women are _femme fatale_ , like Cat. She truly believes Cat could charm the underwear off from the Pope.

Which is _eww_ , but not unbelievable.

Some have the girl-next-door aura about themselves. They are nice and sweet, but you're not really supposed to look at them with lust.

No one has ever looked at Kara with lust. Not that kind, at least.

But now and here, sitting with a leg carelessly bended on the couch and the other firmly on ground, with John Williams' music as a accompanying soundtrack to Cat's breathlessly sighs and her arms and hands against the other woman curves, she can feel it hitting her in _waves_.

"I'd better get you home."

Kara nods furiously, her nose bumping into Cat's, not out of agreement, before catching her lips again.

"Kara."

"I'm sorry. I... I've never felt like this, before." She whispers against the warmth of her soulmate's neck, and she instinctively shift he body until she can fully lean on her.

And Cat arms feels so good, she's holding her so _tight_.

The woman chuckles, and Kara shivers as she feel the gentle reverberating inside her chest cavity.

"I guess we are not throwing it in a volcano, after all." She teases, nodding with a smirk toward the lead cased box.

Kara blushes, and if she thought the warm discomfort of blushing was even more embarrassing then the blush itself, before, now that she feels it tenfold it's even worse.

But Cat's cool fingertips are trailing against her the nape of her neck. And the mix of sensations is strangely... nice.

She had recoiled at first, when she noticed the Kryptonite Modulator in Cat's hands. Not because Kara didn't trust her with any amount to Kryptonite. _Rao_ , she could have a Kryptonite shard right against her neck and she still wouldn't fear her.

But she admits the implication of seeing it, right after she was lead on a very spacious sofa were kind of nerve-wrecking.

("We aren't going to have _sex_ , Kara." Cat had proclaimed with a deliciously wicked smile that almost stated the contrary. "Not until you can actually ask for it without giving yourself an aneurysm. I even accept a written request." She teased, sauntering closer, placing the device on the coffee table, a unblinking red dot staring back, "You are able to ask what you are ready for." She smirked, leaning closer to kiss her lightly. "You asked for a kiss, the very first day. And now..." And Cat trailed her nails against the nape of her neck and Kara shivered at the feeling, so much more intense than what she is -barely- used to. "I do believe you asked for a make out session.")

"We shouldn't rush." Cat voice brings her out of her thoughts, and Kara nods. Slower, this time. And Cat falls gracefully until her head is laying on the armrest. "I still expect a full check-up report from Alex. I want to be sure that kryptonite _thingie_ won't ruin our first time, when we get there. But having it should not be used as excuse to rush into something we may not be ready for."

And Kara hears about half the words Cat says.

How can she, when Cat is so beautiful like this. Her chest raising more frequently than usual, her limbs carelessly sprawled around her. A halo of blonde hair, messier than when she greeted her at the door, framing a lightly flushed face.

Kara has done that.

It's both empowering and reassuring and Kara feels wanted and playful and safe and _brave_.

She giggles, before leaning down to play with a rebellious curled lock. And Cat's eyes follow the movement with a delightful hunger.

This time, when their eyes meet, Kara grins and leans closer, until she weasels her body between Cat's and the back of the couch.

Cat huffs a little at the klutzy climbing, but throws an arm around Kara's waist.

"Is this how you pictured it? Us... here." Kara asks, one hear planted firmly against Cat's torso. It felt strange, being in the same room without the sound of her heartbeat thumping in her ears. Kara had missed it, but she doesn't mind having to be this close to actually hear it.

Cat shakes her head. "I don't think I could have ever pictured you."

Kara's fist curls instinctively around the fabric of Cat's blouse and the older woman places the hand who isn't holding her against her knuckles, and the grip loosens immediately.

"You are so much more, Kara. So good and kind and you make me feel... like everything is possible again. Like it's just the beginning."

Kara breaths in, letting Cat's perfume enveloping her, before whispering back. "You make me not afraid."

"You were afraid?"

"Terrified." It's easier to be completely honest with Cat with their bodies pressed together but without actually looking at her. It's intimate and safe.

She stays quiet for a long time after that. And Cat keeps her arms around her and doesn't make a sound with the exception of her heart.

Kara loves her heart the most.

"On Krypton," She finally ventures, "Everything was so different." She stops again, gingerly waiting for the Earthtling's reaction.

"You can talk about Krypton. I know you do with Carter. I'm not... spooked." Then Cat easily slips into her native tongue. " _I did learn Kryptonese_."

Kara lets out a teary laugh, before replying in the same language. " _And I love you for it_." She feels her own heart picking up speed.

She is glad Cat already said it, before

Already talked of love and being in love and the middle ground where they stand. After writing the words so many times, Kara knew she would have never be able to rein them in.

Could never watch this woman, hold her in her arms, and not feel them on her tongue and in her soul, the lines between loving her and being in love with her so absurdly blurred and inconsistent that Kara can't help but wonder if there really is some kind of tipping point or if it is just a figure of speech. A way to discern romantic love from other kinds.

And if it isn't, how much deeper can she fall?

She shifts her head to catch Cat's gaze. "Your accent is better than Kal-El's." She comments in English.

"Of course it is. I did not spent years practicing for nothing."

"I'm afraid I'm going to forget all about it." She confesses quietly. "I'm the last one to remember it."

"I won't let you." Cat swears, holding her even closer to her body. "I'm a reporter. I'm not going to publish anything. But I can help you put everything you remember on paper. And maybe, when it won't matter anymore, people will be able to remember Krypton, too. It's not the same but-"

"It'd be perfect."

"And remind me to show you something next time you stay over."

"Tonight?" Kara asks cheekily.

Cat laughs. "Don't even try."

Kara pouts sweetly up at her, and Cat leans up to kiss it away.

She could get used to this. She is already addicted to it. The way Cat's small body moves against her while kissing.

And maybe Kara forgets herself a little, because they are rapidly reaching the point where her thumb is pressed against the underside of Cat's breast and Cat's hands are still touching her hips, but under her shirt.

"Wait, wait." Cat manages.

"No- I - of course. I'm sorry."

Cat groans. "Don't be sorry. Here's another thing I could never imagine. _Waiting_."

Kara chuckles a little. "Sorry?"

Cat glares at her. Honest to God, glares. And Kara can't help her laugher and it takes Cat pinching her (which hurt a little without her powers) to make her stop.

"No, you're right. I mean..." A teasing smile tugs at her lips. "You still haven't made me a mixtape."

"Kara." This time the tone is warning and if she didn't know her better, she would be intimidated. This is new, too. Not the craving to be closer, Kara has accepted that since the first moment Cat touched her in her office... no, the craving for Cat's reactions. For Cat's sighs and gasps and the way her hands curl and tug.

"Caaat." She drags out her name, nuzzling the woman's chin with her lips. "Are we going steady, now?"

She doesn't know what it is. If it's the teasing in her tone or her body shifting against the smaller blonde, but something in Cat just... _snaps_.

And Kara is so very not prepared for it.

The small woman grabs both her wrists and rises up to kiss her.

And somehow Kara finds herself pressed against the cushions with her hands soundly trapped on either side of her head.

It's one of those hard, bruising kisses she had always thought were an exaggeration. And when Kara instinctively tries to bring her hands up to cup Cat's face, she is surprised to realize she can't actually move her arms. Not without having to fight them free out of the older woman's grip.

And when she half-heartedly tries, Cat just presses harder, leans more of her weight in the hold and growls into the kiss.

And it provokes a wave of... something, deep within Kara and she gasps pitiful against her mouth and unconsciously thrusts her hips _up_.

"Hey, hey, it's alright." Cat's voice is gentle and there are hands in her hair and only after she opens her eyes, she realizes she had them pressed shut the whole time.

She nods but it doesn't shake Cat's worried look. She lightly trails her hands on her shoulders and arms, almost if checking for injuries, _before laying one against her sternum._

And her chest jumps against the gentle weight and her whole body flushes scarlet.

"Oh." Cat breaths out, before shaking her head with a smile. And she must see something that Kara doesn't, because she grins proudly almost if she as just unearthed the key to some hidden treasure. "That's something we will have to reevaluate on later date." She leans down to peck her cheek. "I really need to put some distance between us. Physical _distance_." She adds, at the panicked look Kara is surely sporting. "I expect a one of those overly-sweet texts your generetion is so fond of as soon as you're done giggling with your sister."

"I don't like the thought of you being alone, tonight."

Cat raises to her feet, rolling her eyes. "As endearing this show of man-cavish protectiveness is, I do have work to do. _Work,_ you too easily distract me from. Plus, it is an integral part of a first date."

She opens her mouth and hold a finger up in question.

"Yes, Kara, there will be a goodnight kiss. Now, chop chop."

 

* * *

 

 

When Alex hears Kara's steps behind her bedroom door she wants so much to reach out and open it.

Or to have her come in for one her super-hugs.

And hear all about her first real date. And tease her about a wedding.

She also knows she can't let her sister see her like this. Tired and bruised because of a job she's not supposed to have.

So she hugs her legs to her chest, in the tightest fetal position and bite her lip to stiffer a sob.

A cut reopens. And Kara shuffles away from the door. And her head hurts. And her pillow is wet.

And Kara walks in anyway and silently hands her the Rocky Road's tube.

Even though it's her favorite, too.

"What happened?"

Alex shakes her head. "I fell."

"Who hurt you, Alex?"

"No one."

"Don't shut me out." Kara pleads and maybe it's Alex the one who truly wishes for _Normal_ because she wishes she could just hug her sister and listen to her going on and on about Cat.

"It's nothing. I swear."

Kara looks at her, her eyes heavy with sorrow and Alex prays Kara won't call her on the lie.

"Tell me about your date." The girl pursues her lips, clear dissatisfied with the answer and not willing to let it go. "Please."

Kara sighs, biting her lower lip and nodding slowly. "It was perfect. There were potstickers. And Cat was beautiful. And she took to the place where she used to work."

"No pricey restaurant?"

"Nuh-uh."

She lets Kara's dreamy words lull her to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Non doesn't hate humans.

Hating humans would imply many things. And they would all be misconceptions.

After all, does the carpenter hate the termites inhabiting the wood he is restoring?

No. He simply gets rid of them.

They are a nuisance. Children, the lot of them, eating their own rotten planet like vermin.

Yet, they are also this planet's hope. In their minds, buried beneath billions of useless needs and flimsy desires, beneath the inherent selfishness of the individual, they had the potential to solve each and every of Earth's problems.

And he swears to unlock it.

It was not too late. For this planet, at least.

He understands some of your men carry less magnanimous feeling towards these primitives. And the majority of them were at Fort Rozz for worst crimes then trying to save their own planet.

He admits he is desperate enough to recruit all kind of species for their mission.

Even a Daxamite, if it came down to that.

After all, he has ways of assuring their collaboration.

Only one person threatens the success of your plan.

One single human he knows nothing about. The only one he truly despises.

"I advise you to not leave this room, dear wife. You have something on your face. Again."

Her head tilts almost imperceptibly in a acquiescence. And he salutes before walking towards their quarter's door. "You're starting to doubt my dedication to the cause. Don't."

"I'd never."

He does.

And they both know it.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D
> 
> So... I have a tumblr? I'm not even sure how it works. Apart from staring at pictures of things I like.
> 
> But if you want to come over. I'm there as hiraeth-unstuckintime. There's nothing interesting there, but I like to chat. And you can asks me things? Like my grandmother's lasagna recipe?
> 
> Social networks confuse me. I just like the nice pictures, mostly.


	7. Grantsgirl vs The World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, there. :D
> 
> So... I felt a little bummed about having to divide this chapter in two. But, as you can see... the first part is already long enough. And the second is not fully done yet. So... 
> 
> Anyway, here it is. So, I hope you'll enjoy it.

_"It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”_

_\- John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love_

 

* * *

 

 

The marks came along her powers.

Letters and symbols in a language she did not know, as she grieved the planet that had banished her.

The family that had banished her.

First comes mourning. The bitter prize of their freedom.

Astra had been ready to sell her own soul to save her planet. She had been so close...

It does not matter, now.

And the marks keeps coming.

It does not happen every day.

One day it's a little scrabble on her forearm. Then nothing. Then a smudged black shadow on the ulnar side of her hand, running all the way from her fingernail to her wrist.

She tries to tell herself she has never seen something like this before.

Like these marks on her niece's skin hadn't been the last confirmation of her planet's doom.

Kara was destined to Earth.

And Astra can't accept she was, too.

 

* * *

 

 

She learns the language, the culture, the customs of this young planet they are stranded on.

Astra sees its faults. Always the same mistakes. She sees history repeating itself.

These humans are not so different from Kryptonians.

She can't survive seeing another planet fall.

 

* * *

 

 

She still looks for Kara.

Because if Kara made it Earth, then Astra still has a purpose.

They find the son of Jor-El, instead. Strong and healthy and with a garish uniform that would have made sweet Lara erupt into giggles.

They follow him for weeks. Find out everything they can about his life, but no trace of Kara.

Instead, he has words on his skin and a human mate and Non snorts in disgust.

He is not a true Kryptonian. Kara is not with him. These marks are inherently _human_.

This human linked to Astra is called Alex and is barely a child.

It's an unforgivable sin.

She hides her shame under her uniform and decide that if Kara could escape her destiny, she can as well.

 

* * *

 

 

  
Astra still has a responsibility towards her men.

And the planet that hosts them. She won't let Fort Rozz's worst loose on it.

She recruits a small army that could annihilate any military force Earth could provide. Promises great rewards in the future in exchange for loyalty she doesn't know how to wield.

She almost cries in relief when she's told Myriad is still applicable to this world.

She failed Krypton. She has another chance.

"These Earthlings are still too primitives. The technology we need to broadcast the signal has not been discovered, yet."

"But is it truly possible?"

"I believe so, General. Prime materials or adequate substitutes, are all available. I could build the repeaters, but... we may gain some unwanted attention. And I'll have to recalibrate the signal and rebuilt myriad... it'll take some time. Humans will probably reach the technological point we need... in about thirty years."

"What if we accelerate the process?" Her husband speaks up from behind her, and she nods to the scientist to reply when he looks at her for confirmation.

"We could, if such opportunity arise."

And it arises.

It's a simple series of events. Two human scientists die and the child publicity swears to take on their legacy. Young, ambitious, and with the material and intellectual means to succeed. She has seen it all happen before. He's the perfect candidate and adding notes in his parents work takes no effort.

It's a waiting game, then. And the Phantom Zone has taught nothing but patience.

(It's still not enough. Earth is not Krypton. Alex is not Kara. But it's still a planet. It's still a _child_. And Astra never learned how to not to act.)

 

* * *

 

 

Years later, too often to be unrelated accidents, blood-red marks appear on her face, cover her fingertips, and Astra doesn't care if this human is a warrior or a victim.

Myriad won't know violence.

Non looks at her with well-concealed revulsion and Astra keeps her chin high.

 

* * *

 

 

The thought of Alex, curled up in her bed, crying and pleading Kara to ignore her bruises will never leave her.

Physically, it's Kara's skin that's invulnerable, but Alex... Alex is not supposed to break.

And Kara feels so utterly useless.

The roles are completely reversed. Her sister was the one who used to hold her while she grieved her family. The one to hold Kara when she longed for Cat and Carter and a Kal-El that didn't exist anymore.

Kara tries her best. She holds her close and stops asking when she realizes she's only making it worse. Instead, she tells Alex about her night.

And she lets Alex pretend nothing is wrong.

For the night, Kara pretends too.

But. She needs to fix this.

So she skips breakfast with the Grants in the morning, apologizing to Carter over the phone when he's the one to pick up, knowing they'll understand.

And walks few blocks to a small bakery her sister sometimes shops from.

She buys twice the usual.

She sneaks back into the apartment.

And waits.

(And maybe she starts cleaning too, because this wait is getting to her. She was never good at waiting.)

When her sister finally shuffles into the room, Kara is sitting at the breakfast counter, nursing her fourth over-sugared coffee. Not that coffee does anything for her. It's mostly to keep her hands occupied. And steady.

Alex regards her warily from the other side of the counter, and the distance feels much larger. "I thought you'd be at Cat's, by now."

"I chose not to. I hoped we could talk."

Alex narrows her eyes, almost looks at her like she's an enemy. "Talk." She drawls. "What about?"

Kara takes a small breath and hold it in, before releasing it carefully. "Don't you want to eat your breakfast, first?"

"And have you looking at me like we're in some kind of two people intervention? No, thanks. I'll pass."

"Alex." Kara tucks her lower lip between her teeth and concentrates on the feeling of the cup against her palms. "I just want to talk."

Alex hugs an arm around her midsection and gestures at Kara with the other. "Then, for all means, talk."

It's Alex's defensive poise. And she already feel like she has somehow lost. "What happened yesterday, Alex? Truly."

Alex huffs, looks away from Kara and then meets her gaze in exasperation. "I fell. I already told you."

"Your bruises are-"

"A ramp of stairs." She adds.

"Where?"

"The metro station. The one near the Thai place we went the last time you and mom were visiting." She answers, without missing a beat and Kara wonders when her sister became such a good liar. "Are we done?" She asks, making a move for the coffee machine and filling a mug.

She empies it quickly and re-fills it.

"Seriously, Kara. I don't give you the forth grade every time you fall."

"You had a pretty strong reaction over a simple fall."

She sighs loudly. "I just fell, ok? I had a bad day and I was in a shitty mood and then I tumbled down like an idiot and it was in public and it was kind of humiliating."

Kara lowers her head, shaking it slightly. She doesn't look at Alex, but keeps staring at the mug. It's a little mercy she concedes her, before speaking next, her tone as calm and factual as possible. "People who fall down the stairs don't have bruises on their abdomen, usually. They tend to roll."

Kara wait a second. Two. She gives Alex an out, another chance to come clean. Or to cover her cornered expression. When she does look up, Alex is shaking her head, looking small and tired. Exhausted, but flighty. "Just- Drop it, ok? I wasn't assaulted."

And that was the point, really.

She may not be Kal-El, fighter for Truth, Justice and everything worth's protecting. But damn it if she lets someone hurt her family. "Would you tell me if you were?" She hates the way her voice sounds kind of broken. Because if Alex was, but keeps quiet in fear of her reaction... Well, Kara fears her reaction, too.

But Alex softens, her heartbeat slows. "Listen... I love my job. But sometimes it sucks. I was angry and miserable and I was embarrassed. But I wasn't assaulted. Nobody hurt me."

"I just... want to help."

"I know. And really, you help. I mean... breakfast, right? It's helping." Alex sighs at her expression. "Why can't you let this go?"

"Because you were crying." Alex flinches almost imperceptibly and Kara unconsciously mimics it. "And you didn't cry when you broke your leg."

"Kara." Alex rubs her forehead and pinches her nose. "I wanted yesterday to be perfect for you. I wanted to be home when you came back and hear all about it. But... yesterday was one of those days when everything is a little bit too much. And when you did come back I didn't want you to see me like that. I ruined your night. I... failed."

"You didn't ruin my night. You could never- fail." Kara's hand shots forward to hold Alex's. "I just wish you'd let me in. You could have called. I would have wanted to be here for you. Cat would have understood if you needed me."

It's a bit of a stretch. Cat would have understood. But she would have been pissed. Maybe.

"She wouldn't. But I... just needed to be alone and..." Alex waves uselessly.

"Break."

"Yeah."

It's still eating at her. It's still there. The weight of her sister's lie, her inability to help and Kara just wants to know. Just wants to help.

A part of her wants to be angry. To bring justice - vengeance - over whoever did this to Alex.

And she's still hurt.

She is no Superman. But she wishes her family trusted her to keep them safe, anyway.

She doesn't need to be a hero to the world, but just a protector to those she keeps.

If she can't keep Alex safe, then it's Kara, the one who failed.

"You know I love you, right?" Kara closes her eyes as she speaks the words. Her sister's hold relax, her back untenses and Kara feels dread in her bones, as she recognizes the emotional blackmailing she's perpetuating.

"Love you, too."

But she can't stop. "Then _why_?"

"What?" Alex jerks back.

"I'm not that gullible, Alex. So, I'll ask again. What happened?"

"You didn't have to stay here today. I have to leave for work soon anyway."

"Please, Alex." Kara rushes to grab her arm.

It's a second, really.

She's never dealt well with people walking out from her.

It's a second, maybe less.

Because she's desperate. And she has probably used superspeed.

And Alex flinches.

It takes Kara another second, maybe longer, to realize her grip is a little too tight.

Kara jumps back and Alex shots her a glare that feels like a shove and Kara does not know how things went this badly this fast.

"Alex, I'm sorry. I-"

"If you're done, I have to go."

This times, Kara forces herself not to follow.

It's the first day after her fist date with Cat.

But the world is still crumbling.

 

* * *

 

 **Airin Is Alive (@airinisalive7):** _just saw #Grantsgirl pouting on the bus. Sugar mama did not buy her a lamborghini yet #CatGrant_

 **Give Me Bacon (@givememorebacon):** _@airinisalive7 #CatGrant sent the limo but #Grantsgirl got confused. She did say it was like a car but longer, right?_

 **Happy Frog (@allfrogsarehappy):** _#Grantsgirl takes the bus. It's cute_

 **Yellow Cone (@ilikeyellow93):** _they are trying to pull the humble girl card. #Grantsgirl is fake_

 

* * *

 

 

National City is as big as Argo City once was, filled with parks and beautiful riversides and benches where people could stare at ducks.

There are cafés, and libraries and theaters and thousands of places where someone could go and millions of people to meet.

Kara still ends up at CatCo.

National City is as big as Argo City once was.

But to her, Argo City was the home she shared with her parents, the school she attended, the courthouse and the Science Council building.

Everything else, was just scenery.

National City is as small as Argo City once was.

And the scenery just as unimportant.

 

* * *

 

 

It's different, this time, her entrance into CatCo.

People stare.

(Which means she almost-trips in her feet twice as usual.)

People stare.

And it makes her nervous.

Kara still holds her chin up and tries to relax.

Tries to remember Cat's teachings when she was still in school.

_Act like you've done it thousands time. Like it's normal. Routine. When you're nervous, act bored._

And she calls down the elevator for the second time in her life.

Has it only been a week? Nine days?

Last time, it brought her to Cat. It won't fail her.

Kara has barely calmed enough, when Security practically rushes to her and, for a moment, she's scared they are going to try and tackle her. And Kara takes a quick step back, not really in the mood to accidentally hurt someone else.

"Miss Danvers!"

Kara looks at the two security men, wondering what it was, about her presence that made this men so strangely apprehensive. "Uhm... Hi? I was just-"

"That's the employees' elevator, miss Danvers."

Kara blinks and nods in understanding. "Right. And I'm not an employee. Of course. Right. I... I'm Kara. Danvers." The two men regard her with a deadpan expression. "Right. You know that."

"Please, miss Danvers, let us escort you to the private Elevator."

"It's ok. I can take this one." One of them widens his eyes and the other still looks taken aback, yet less dramatically so. "I... can't?"

The visibly younger of the two, the one who had looked kind of scared of the fact you were about to enter the employees' elevator, shakes his head vigorously, while the other shrugs apologetically. "Boss's orders, miss."

Kara nods and looks longingly at the sliding doors opening in front of her.

She still thinks it's completely unnecessary. She's not going to catch employees' cooties or whatever it is that has Cat on edge about small communal places.

But she knows Cat's reputation on her workplace enough to not want to risk these men's job on a principle. "Ok, uhm..." Kara squints a little (more for show than need) to read the older man's nameplate. "Thank you, Jeff. Can I call you Jeff?"

"Of course, miss Danvers." There's a hint of a smile on his face, so she beams back.

"It's Kara."

"I could never." But he's fully smiling, as he shakes his head.

"I insist. I mean... I'm not your boss. She is. Right..." She looks to the other's man nameplate. "Malachi?"

He jumps at the mention of his name. "I'm new!"

Jeff shakes his head in amusement as they reach the private elevator. "You can use the south entrance, next time. It'll take you right here."

"Thank you, guys." She jumps a little on the balls of her feet, suddenly nervous again. "Uhm... should I have called ahead?"

"Miss Danvers, miss Grant has already been notified of your arrival."

"Right. I'll just... go up."

Kara can't sweat, but she still rubs her hands on her thighs as soon as she's alone in the elevator.

"Was that really..." She overhears Malachi from the ground floor.

"Yeah."

"She's a seems so nice. Are you sure she's Grant's girl?"

Kara cringes a little at the new moniker the media have thrust upon her. As if she needed another reminder about it.

 

* * *

  

 **Airin Is Alive (@airinisalive7):** _btw #Grantsgirl was totally going to miss her stop. I don't believe she ever rode one before_

 **Yellow Cone (@ilikeyellow93):** _@airinisalive7 well duh_

 

* * *

  

He's not the good guy.

He's decent enough, but Winn is not one of the heroes he cheers on when it's two a.m. and he's still up watching X-men's reruns and Star Trek's old's episodes.

He's a regular guy who still clings too hard to the vestiges of his childhood's heroes and somehow managed to learn nothing from them.

But his heroes aren't real. And Superman helped put his father in jail.

(Superman prevented him from being a child's murdered. He is still a _murdered_ , he reminds yourself, but-.)

And Winn's a coward, like he was.

He was the kid who read comics over the other children's shoulder. Too scared to ask to borrow.

The kid who hid the Lord of the Ring under his shirt for three hours in a crowed mall, but never managed to shoplift, never made that last step.

He kept his head down, instead. Survived his first and only group home keeping his mouth shut and his eyes closed and he would have done anything to not get sent away. He did not want to be alone.

No matter how unwanted he was. He would not leave until they made him.

And he's kind of used to. Being unwanted, keeping his head down, being in rooms filled with people who ignore him.

(He likes it better than being in a room alone with himself. He is the person he fears the most.)

And then there's Siobhan. Who does not want _him_. Not really. She likes to know she's not alone, but it's never been about him.

But when she asks... he becomes brave. Brave enough to do _everything_ to help her. Even smuggle pieces of information under Cat Grant's nose. Hack into a Senior Editor account for that perfect shot.

(Or maybe he's just too much a coward to tell her no.)

So he stands straighter when he hears the nameless assistant mumbling about Miss Danvers imminent arrival.

And he keeps looking as the girl smiles awkwardly through the assistant's fretting, until their eyes meet and she smiles in relief.

Really, he's not the good guy. He wishes she could see it.

"Hey, Winn. It was Winn, right?"

He cringes inwardly, because she's nice enough to remember his name.

Tries to tell himself she can't be so nice if she's Cat Grant's.

"Uhm... sure, miss Danvers."

And she groans aloud and he takes an instinctive step back. "Please, no. Not you, too. Kara. I'm Kara."

"Oh. I mean you are, I know you are, I didn't forget, kind of hard to... but you also are..." He nods toward Cat's office and Kara's eyes light up as she follows your gaze.

"I know. Still feels a little surreal." She confesses reverently.

He shifts awkwardly on his feet. "But... it's good, right?"

"The best. I mean... she's kind of a big deal and I'm me, but she's always been good to me." She smiles dumbly for few seconds. And the thought of Kara and Cat Grant is... whoah. "Oh! You have a Superman's action figure."

"Yeah, yes! I'm... a very big fan." His words rushes out in a relieved breath, happy with the change of subject.

"Me too. He is awesome. Hey, this one is that guy from Minecraft."

"The Enderman. I... you play?"

She grins as she picks the toy up, before putting it back on his desk. "I do have a kid. Cat let us play online... before. We still do, we-"

"Ugh... Of course I find you cavorting with my lowly employers."

He jumps, because Cat Grant is too close and she can probably smell the deceit on him.

"Cat! Hi! We met last time and I wanted to say hello."

She humm noncommittally. "Don't get too attached to this one. He's _fired_."

"Yeah, I'm fired." He confirms, nodding one too many times.

The girl scrounges her forehead cutely. "Uh... sorry?"

"No, it's ok. Really. For the time being, unemployed life is exactly as employed life-" He swallows hard at Cat's glare. "And I'm going to shut up, now."

 

* * *

 

 

Cat is a windwhirl at the office. She throws a _You'll have to excuse me, but I'm terribly busy._ at Kara, before shouting at two department heads, tapping furiously on her pad.

Kara has barely sat down. "I can come some other time?"

"No, no, go ahead, your frown could give me wrinkles and I want to avoid botox until Carter finishes college. I can multitask."

"It's... not how it works. The wrinkles thing."

She sighs, and looks at her over the frames of her glasses. "Kara."

"Right." She taps her feet in nervous awkwardness. "So, how many of your employees are fired but still working?"

"That's your opening line?" Kara shrugs and nods. "Fine. He's the one. I don't want unvetted people so close to my desk now that..." Cat waves her hand.

"I'm here." She tilts her head. "Is he actually fired?"

"A probation of sort. I find people get more productive in front of the real possibility of loosing their job and health's insurance."

"I've read that-" Cat lowers her pad and raises an eyebrow at her. "Right. You know better. You're the C.E.O. and-"

"Am I going to have to show favoritism just because my sunny soulmate took a shine on him?"

"He was friendly." Cat narrows her eyes. "Ew. Not that kind of friendly." The woman raises a shoulder in response, before opening her laptop and Kara feels the urge to keep talking. "And I'd never ask you to-"

"You were M.I.A. at breakfast." Cat interrupts. And she's kind of glad because she's not sure of what kind of word vomit was going to come out.

"I called. I spoke to Carter."

"Yeah, well, while I was joking about the mushy text, I actually expected some kind of response." Cat closes the laptop again, before standing up and walking towards the balcony's double doors. She stops suddenly and turns towards Kara. "Are you... was yesterday..."

"Yesterday was perfect." Kara cuts her off. Then stops, even if her hands can't keep still. And Cat waits, hands at her waist and hip jutting out.

It would have looked like impatience on anybody, but Cat. No, Cat looks like she could keep that pose for hours and she's simply eager to hear the answer.

And yet another wave of affection washes over Kara at how considerate Cat is with her. And Kara will always reply with honesty. "Yesterday was everything I was waiting for and more. Every moment I spend with you, really, vastly surpasses my expectation."

Cat rolls her eyes. " _God_ , Kara. You don't have to turn everything in some heartfelt declaration. Please, tell me we aren't going to be that couple."

Kara half-smiles. The pure joy at the idea of being whatever kind of couple Cat would be fine with, dimmed by the last hours with Alex.

She hurt Alex. Rao, she hurt Alex while she should have had provided comfort.

"Gotham university has made many researches on the topic. Few of them, so throughout to be considered unethical. And while many of their scientist are officially mad, I find myself agreeing with them on this particular point."

"What?"

"Soulmates do not get mind-reading." Cat deadpans.

"I wish they did. I wish you already knew." And Cat looks caught off of guard, before snorting.

"You know, usually, when someone wishes mind-reading possible, they wish they are the ones with the power. But no, of course you wish would for the opposite." She shakes her head in serene acceptance. "Secrets always made you restless."

"Secrets are an Earth construct."

"So you've said." Cat opens the balcony doors, then, slipping outside and nodding to Kara to follow her. "When you start to refer to Earth as the planet you're not born on, it's usually a clue to keep the conversation away from technology devices. And private."

"I'm sorry."

Cat leans against the parapet, but does not reply.

Kara guesses it's her clue to keep going. "I've never kept anything from you, you didn't explicitly forbidden me to reveal. And now... I wish I could tell you everything."

"I thought that was the whole point of dating. Really, Kara... whatever it is, I'm not going to... betray your trust."

"But I would break someone else's trust, if I tell you. It's... not my secret to tell. The person who-"

" _Alex_."

Kara's mouth turns up in a pained smile. "Alex." She sighs. "She trusted me with something. And then yesterday... something else happened. And I'm afraid the two things are correlated. I'm afraid they are not. I don't know, Cat. I just... I... I hurt her. She needed me and I pushed and pushed and I hurt her."

Cat tilts her head and waits for more words to come. And Kara wishes again Cat could just read her mind because there's not a clear thought in her head. But Cat was always good at putting the pieces together.

"She insists she is fine." Kara finishes weakly. "But she's not." She walks up to Cat, then, grapping the outer edge of the parapet. "And I don't know what to do. You're... I could always come to you. But now... you actually know Alex and it's different, right? I mean... I'm not supposed to reveal her secrets. I can't ask you how to fix this. I-"

"Of course. No, no, you're right. It is different." Cat sighs, and leans closer to her, shoulder to shoulder. It's Cat's way of saying _I'm still here_. "You can always come to me, that is never going to change. But you are an adult. You can't always defer to my judgment," she grins conspiratorially, "even if that's the safest way to go." And Kara lets herself smile back for a second. "You have to trust yourself, Kara."

"What if I make an even bigger mess?"

"Then you'll have a bigger mess to fix." She shrugs calmly. "You'll fuck up. Many times over. But you'll learn. And you'll get it right. The silver lining in this particular case? Your sister loves you. And there's no one more equipped to help her deal with whatever she is going through. But also, remember that not everything needs fixing. People don't need fixing. Sometimes, people just need time."

Kara nods and lets the words hang in the air. "Can I stay here? Maybe... we could do lunch, later?"

"Of course."

"I really love the sight."

"I knew you would have."

 

* * *

 

 

"For God's sake, Kara. Stop staring at me. Go and do something. Take a tour of the building. Take your pet with you. Come back for lunch."

 

* * *

 

 

 **Moonwalk Me To The Moon (@moonwalkmetothemoon64 _):_** _remember when Godfather part III came out and it was a big #disappointment? Bet #CatGrant knows well #disappointed #Grantsgirl_

 **Jake Knows Best (@yesiamjake):** _@moonwalkmetothemoon64 thats a star wars prequel kind of disaster #Grantsgirl #disappointed_

 **Francis Dobbs (@f.dobbs1988):** _@yesiamjake now dont be so harsh. the prequel wasn't that bad. imagine receiving on of #Grantsgirl sweaters for xmas_

 

* * *

 

 

There's Alex. A bag of potstickers. A pizza. A lower lip bit down as she unlocks her door.

There's Kara. Ice-cream. Beer. And a horror movie ready to play.

There are apologizes and unsaid promises to let all the skeleton's stay in their own closets and dogs who'll stay sleeping.

Just this once, concedes Kara.

Never again, swears Alex.

And it's a band-aid on a gaping wound and there are left-overs and an unseen movie on the screen.

Time.

Kara can give time.

 

* * *

 

 

National City wakes to a new article. New truths. New lies.

Wakes with a grainy picture of a couple eating on a balcony.

And words about unhappiness and unrest.

And Carter's _name_ comes up, more than once.

National City wakes up to truths twisted. About a childless teen mother. About bedtime telephone calls.

About burdens.

And responsibilities ignored.

It's a terrible picture, all in all.

Kara wakes to a frantic phone call that start with a _Who did you talk to?_ and end with a _That weasel..._

Winslow Schott Jr. wakes up jobless. But not alone.

So, there's that.

 

* * *

 

 

 **Faith Galz (@faithgalzzz):** _can you believe the shit #catgrant & #grantsgirl put the kid through? it's sick_

 **Alchol To The Innocent (@alcholtotheinn):** _@faithgalzzz yes because #grantsgirl would have been such a GREAT playmate_

 **Robert Portman (@robertportman123321):** _@faithgalzzz #catgrant raising two kids and fucking one of them? sicker_

 **George From Georgia (@georgefgeorgia** ): _C'mon why should a 13 be involved into raising someone else's kid? if i was #grantsgirl i would have baited 'till the boy was 40_

 **Rocks Blue (@rockseverythingblue):** _@georgefgeorgia even if the kid's mother was freaking rich?_

 **George From Georgia (@georgefgeorgia):** _you're right @rockseverythingblue. And #CatGrant is hot too_

* * *

 

 

She calls Eliza.

Kara calls Eliza because Alex wouldn't really understand how much bad press can hurt. How much it can hurt her son.

Kara calls Eliza because Cat is, quoting her, _navigating her company and her family in a media shitstorm during budget season_. Plus, she's on a vengeance path and Kara's terrified she's going to be mad at her.

She's the one who babbled too much to the first Mr. Nice Guy who asked her a question.

Kara calls Eliza because she needs a mom. And Eliza is the only mom she can call.

"I'm coming in, right now." Eliza's voice is rushed and definitive and Kara closes her eyes at the amount of love behind them.

Kara shakes her head even if Eliza can't see her. But she must sense her refusal anyway. _Mother's intuition_ , Eliza would say. Kara thought it was some kind of superpower only her foster mother had, until she learnt to recognize Carter's moods by the single breath he took before his _Hello_.

"I need to meet my _grandson_ , ok? I already have the plane ticket." Kara smiles, despises herself, at Eliza's eagerness to meet Carter.

"For Friday."

"But you need me _today_."

The offer is tempting. Eliza rushing in, distracting Carter, holding Kara together, pies and hugs and pep-talks and unbound belief in her. But Kara is not alone in this. And she does not need someone to tell her she did nothing wrong. Because she did mess up.

Cat had not blamed her, but she showed the consequences of her mistake with noncommittal facts, sentences she grumbles angrily on the phone while they're in the same room and articles she hands to Kara as she ridicule the journalist's integrity or writing style. Both, usually.

And in the end, Carter took it with the aplomb of a celebrity kid, rolling his eyes with a _Duh_ when Kara claimed they were just twisted truths and that he had always been his number one priority.

No, this is ultimately Cat's fight. And it's Kara's responsibility to stand beside her. Cat will get them out of this mess. She has to get Cat through this.

"Kara? Are you there, honey? I can be there by tomorrow's morning."

"No. No. I... need to deal with this. I... I need to take care of Cat. She... she pretends it's not big deal and things like this happens all the time, but she's running herself ragged. I need... I need to- I need to support her any way I can." Kara lowers her voice, then, "I need to show her she's not alone anymore."

"Oh, Kara, honey, she knows. Trust me, she knows." A deep sighs comes from the other side of the line. "I guess meeting her mother in-law won't be good for Cat stress levels." She says jokingly.

Kara snorts amused, before stage-whispering. "I think she got a little nervous around Alex."

Eliza laughs and Kara soon joins in, relieved by the light joviality and she recounts, snippets of their first dinner with Alex.

And then Eliza asks about their date and she replies enthusiastically at first, her tone darkening towards the end, as her wandering mind begins supplying thoughts of Alex she'd never dare to utter to her foster mother.

This time, Eliza's superpower fails, assuming it's still about Cat, because she turns serious again. "Are things still ok? Between you and Cat?"

And Kara takes a moment to contemplate the answer. Cat is still Cat. Snarkier, gleefully vindictive, strutting out a little bit faster, with kisses a little too quick and hugs replaced by hands grazing forearms. But she's still Cat. And she still tries. She can't make time in her schedule, when there's none left. But there are still family dinners. Cat still comes over her with that teasing grin. Still stares as Kara proceed to loose her cool, until she's amused enough and takes pity on her. "I think so? I mean... she's busy and we are- I think we're ok."

Eliza hums in acknowledge. "Did I tell you how I fell in love with Jeremiah, _the third time_?"

Kara smiles. It was something Jeremiah loved to say. He always told Kara and Alex and anybody who had hears, really, how he fell in love with Eliza three times. As a child, she was his best friend. As a young adult, he fell for the promise. And he fell again, when it became reality. _It's the deepest fall. The one nobody can never crawl their way out. And they never want to._

"He made you waffles for dinner." Kara replies, dutifully.

"He made me waffles at 2 a.m. after a very long and horrible day that started with us fighting because he had forgotten to set the alarm clock. I missed an end of semester exam. Then spent the day hunting my professor. When I found him, I begged him for another chance. He refused. Then, even thought I was an hour late, I went to the pub I worked to cover the rest of my tuition. At the end of my turn, my boss fired me. But... when I went home, Jeremiah was waiting for me. And there were waffles."

"They had better been the best waffles ever."

Eliza laughs on the phone. "No, no, they really weren't. But... everything that happened that day were just bumps. I lost a semester. And a job I needed. But they were just temporary. Jeremiah... was worth much more. He was my forever. He still is. Even now."

"Thank you for sharing the whole story. I- That was beautiful, Eliza. He was truly a great man."

"And you are a great woman, Kara. Go take care of your family. Make them waffles."

Her family.

"About that... I need help with a recipe."

_Meet me at 5?_

 

* * *

 

 

Carter has always known he is lucky.

He is _privileged_.

He has more toys and games than the average kid.

Sure, it comes with a price. He's lived through more than a fake rumor regarding his mother. Few of them were almost too credible.

(Not this one. Not after listening mama's longing voice night after night or the intensity of her affection every time she holds him.)

(No, this one is _ludicrous_.)

And he's good at ignoring the stares.

He lets the knowledge of how lucky he is wrap around him like an armor. Now, more than ever.

Lucky. And loved.

He's well-fed and clothed. He gets to travel to cool places and he always gets what he wants at Christmas.

And he may not have many friends, but he has two mothers who love him and understand him and a dad that always tries.

He has a soulmate who cares for him and can always make him smile and that explains to him how the EMS system could be applied to the MagLev.

_Which is so cool!_

The full realization of how truly lucky he is happens when he finally musters the courage to actually attend a GSA reunion.

He's not the youngest there. There's little Katie who always seems ready to bolt, her shoulders hunched and she can't stop biting on her fingernails. And another kid he doesn't know the name. And Jason, who is in his grade, but never talked to him.

And not everyone as a same gendered soulmate. Some don't have any ink, but they are already so sure. Few of them are probably been invited like he was.

Kids with two mommies or two daddies are supposed to be allies.

He bites his lip and stays silent during the whole thing.

And when Ellie pats his back with a Nice seeing you here, Grant. he doesn't manage an answer and just hugs his arms closer to his body. And when he gets introduced as a recent addiction, as an ally, he nods.

He knows he is lucky.

He has more support than many of the kids here and he never had reason to doubt it.

But sometimes, it's still a little hard to speak up.

And now, it's a little bit harder now that people stare at him more than before that stupid fake article.

Still. A small price to pay.

 

* * *

 

 

Mama is waiting for him when he gets out, with a smile and a wave.

He can feel people staring when he hugs her and she bends her knees to fully catch him.

And _pride_.

He can feel pride.

 

* * *

 

 

 **Worried Father (@fathersworrytoo):** _#Grantsgirl picks up son from school. Actually picks him up. #Grantsgirl is buff._

 **Tremors Is Cult (@tremorsiscult321):** _@fathersworrytoo that explains why she didnt know who #CatGrant was. #Grantsgirl is the new age #tarzan_

 **Vaguely Curious (@vaguellycurious78):** _@fathersworrytoo @tremorsiscult321 shes a lesbian boys. Gotta love those lesbian muscle_

 **Jean Pearl (@Jeanpearl1982k):** _@fathersworrytoo yeah after she ignored him for a decade #Grantsgirl #badmom_

 **Worried Father (@fathersworrytoo):** _@Jeanpearl1982k cm'on #Grantsgirl was 13_

 **Geeky Sally (@geekysallygeeky):** _@Jeanpearl1982 is right. @fathersworrytoo my mom was 15 and raised me right #Grantsgirl_

 

* * *

 

 

Kara finds Alex on Cat's doorstep in her _who-do-I-have-to-punch-now_ stance.

It's ridiculous and predictable and Kara had been expecting to see it since she hit the send button. This is the sister she knows and loves.

"Hey."

"Hey. Are you cooking?"

"I'm making Cat a sorry I made your workday a mess dinner. Want to help?"

Alex smiles knowingly. "Is it _waffles_?"

"I'm not trying to make her angrier, Alex." She grins, mimicing a gourmet chef for a moment. "It's auberigine parmesan, extra cheese and with hidden meat." Alex laughs and Kara smiles sheepishly. "But yeah. It's _waffles_."

"Greens are nasty."

"Did they teach you that in med school?"

Alex rolls her eyes at the tease. "Why hidden meat?"

"Cat loves meat. She also loves to pretend she isn't actually eating it."

"I... can help you set the table?" She proposes playfully, knowing full well Kara would have to re-set it again.

"No, you can't." Kara teases, throwing an arm around her back and leading her inside the kitchen. It's another olive branch. Another attempt at mending. And if Alex wants to fix their relationship... then in her books, it's never been broken. "But... I'd like the company."

"I don't want to crash your evening plans."

"I invited you, Alex. And not to see me cook. Cat is going to be late, tonight. So, it's only going to be us and Carter. And... I miss you."

"I miss you too."

Kara hesitates for a moment, longing to wrap her sister in a hug but knowing she has to get the next words out looking at her in the eyes. "I don't know what's going out in your life. If!" Kara almost shouts the last word, before Alex could open her mouth. "You don't have to tell me. I don't need to know and I can forget if that's what you need. But I'm here. Whenever you want, no question asked, no matter what."

"As if you could ever keep your questions to yourself." Alex replies, but she's smiling so Kara lets herself relax.

"I can try." Kara grins, before clapping her hands. "So! I made us a snack!"

She opens the oven she had not used and retrieves the pan she put inside.

"Is that..."

"Cinnamon and vanilla cake. Eliza's recipe."

"You baked?" Alex is both amused and surprised.

"I - well - I... glared at it? Cat's oven is more technologically advanced than my pod. I'm kind of afraid that if I put food in, it's going to end up straight to Mars." Alex snorts and Kara lowers the pie on the table. "I know you don't like actual waffles. And that Chocolate pecan pie is not your favorite, but you always suggest it when Eliza asks because I love it. This is part of the "I'm sorry about the other day" apology. Not about worrying, because I may not be the over-protective sister in this, but you're still my sister and I'll always care and I'll always worry. I still think _Pecan_ is the best, but... on any other matter, I trust your judgment. And I trust you. So, consider this my... you're-my-forever-sister cake. No matter what."

"Kara..." Alex shakes her head, seemingly at lost for words, before enveloping Kara in a hug.

She sighs into it. "I love you, Alex."

Alex sniffs against her shoulder. "I love you, too. But," She says, as she breaks the embrace, "I'm still not making you Pecan."

Kara laughs, Alex soon joining. "No, yeah, don't even try."

"So... we're good?"

"Of course, we are." Kara squeezes her hands, before nodding towards Carter's room. "Now, go call Carter. I'm not allowed to distract him while he's doing his homework to feed him sugar, but you're the Cool Aunt. If Cat asks, it was your plan."

 

* * *

 

 

Cat doesn't get out as soon as the car stops in front of her home.

No, she waits instead. Pinches the bridge of her nose and takes a deep exhausted breath.

She doesn't blame Kara. She doesn't. She can still hear the _I thought he was my friend_ loud enough through the line.

Because _Lies are an Earth's construct_.

And it's Cat's fault anyway. She should have prepped her. She should have made sure Kara knew strangers were going to sell every one of her words and twist them and mold them into weapons that could drew blood. Just for morbid pleasure.

Cat should have made sure she knew that fame, no matter the degree, meant the public thought itself entitled to take their shot at tearing them down.

Cat assumed she _knew_. Or maybe she just wanted to keep Kara selfishly afar and unaware of the world Cat had built an empire on.

But no, no, in the end, it's Cat's fault, really. And it's too soon. This pressure, this kind of scrutiny, it's all too soon.

She knows Kara is strong. Strong in ways she can't realize yet that have nothing to do with her physiology. She knows this won't break her.

But Cat wishes they had more time before the first punch landed.

 

* * *

 

 

When Cat walks in the kitchen, she has to stop and blink.

There's her... Kara. Sweatpants and t-shirt. Shoulders slumped. Cradling something Cat hopes it's not a wild raccoon. Even if, by the state of the kitchen, it's not an unlikely scenario.

"Kara?" Cat asks, almost tentatively, still baffled by the whole scenario.

The girl turns, so fast that Cat is sure she used her superspeed. Her expression is a mix between a pout and a guilty version of a scared Bambie. "I can explain."

"Is that... my Gyuto Chef Knife?"

Kara's eyes widen at the notions that even her kitchen's knives are branded, daring to look at it again, before raising her gaze. She nods. "It's... pretty."

Cat lets out an amused snort. Pretty. It was an hand-forged Yoshihiro knife, before Kara happened to it. "Let me guess. You somehow stabbed yourself and killed the blade."

"Not on purpose. And it just bended a little. I'm trying to fix it. I can fix it."

"Mmm..." No woman should look so adorable while pointing a big kitchen knife at her. A ruined, big, expensive, kitchen knife. Cat can spot where Kara has tried to straighten it, the visible fingerprint on the sides and she lets her shoulders fall, as the tension of a whole day just... drains away. "Should I ask what happened to the rest of my kitchen?"

"I wanted to cook for you?"

Cat shakes her head, secretly endeared, but still very aware of this could be Kara doing what she thinks is somewhat required of her. That's always the fine line with Kara. "You don't have to cook for me, Kara. I'm not going to make a housewife of you."

Cat is surprised by the frown appearing on Kara's face, and she realized she has just signed her name amongst the people who regularly managed to take away Kara's choices.

 _No_ , Cat corrects herself, she's always been on that list. But not now.

"Why do you say it like that?" Kara finally asks, and Cat is always a little proud when Kara drops some her meekness to stand up to her. "There's nothing wrong with being a housewife. I mean... I'm probably not going to be one. I'll find a job and a career, someday, as soon as things calm down. But in the meanwhile, I'm ok with this. I like being home for you and Carter. I love taking care of you. You just spent the whole day trying to fix my mess and I want to be of help."

Cat stares, knowing full well how her stare could unnerve many well-vetted politicians. But she needs Kara to not lower her gaze. She needs Kara to be fearless. "Do you want to be a housewife?"

"Uhm... no?" Her immediate answer is not confrontational nor assured. But there's an easy smile on her face as she leans against the counter, a serene familiarity that could not be unsettled. And Cat softens her expression, quietly waiting for Kara to continue. "I mean... I've never considered it, you know? And I doubt I'd be any good at it." She says, with a little laugh, gesturing to the kitchen, and Cat's own chuckle echoes with hers. "And my mom, my aunt, Eliza, Alex, you... all the women in my life are the walking example of feminist and girl power. Somehow, being something else was never really a option. But..." She shrugged. "I like taking care of you and Carter."

"Kara, you can do whatever you think will make you happier." Cat frowns at her own words and the way they sounded like a motivational poster millenials are so found of. "I'll _push_." She admits honestly. "I'll push and I'll nag and I wouldn't truly understand if you said your big dream is something completely quixotic like running an animal shelter or take off the grime on penguins with a toothbrush... but I'll still support you."

"Those sounds like career's choices I'd... actually enjoy." Kara crosses her arms, looking more amused than serious, and Cat hopes she hasn't given her ideas.

"Yes, well, I have to admit that I was afraid that was the curriculum you were going to come home with." She comments with a vague gesture towards Kara who grins in response. "But I've read your actual C.V.. It would be a complete waste of potential. With your brain and your heart you'd make an excellent reporter. But you're also not ready for it. Especially since if I were to actually hire you, now, the word _nepotism_ would never leave your career, no matter how good you could be at it. I had a chat with H.R. few days ago. Once things calm down enough, you can start an internship. Unpaid, of course. And if a Department decides to hire you, it'll be completely out of my control."

Cat bites her lower lip and shakes her head, as Kara's expression turns serious again. "That sounds nice, I guess."

"But it's not really about the job, is it?"

"Not really." Kara plays idly with hems of her shirt. "I just feel... like I'm not pulling my weight. You... you raised Carter practically on your own. Now, you are finding me a job. And you are risking so much for me. And I just went and made things worse and... I want to do  something for you. People say-"

"People are idiots."

"They are kind of right, though. Not about Carter. Or you. Or us in general. But... I'm doing this wrong?"

"Making sense? Yes. You are doing it wrong."

"Being Cat Grant's partner. And I don't mean you you. I mean you... _you_."

"Thank God you didn't apply for a reporter role right away. Snapper would have eaten you alive."

"Cat, I'm not fitted for this." She states dejectedly. "We're not even at our second date, and I've committed more faux passes than a Republican candidate running for Senate."

"You're not having a sordid affair on the side?" Cat quips, knowing exactly where the conversation was going but still waiting to delay it.

"I gave out information about Carter you've managed to keep secret for years. I almost blew away I'm not human, because apparently ten years old are supposed to be really heavy to lift. And apparently, my cardigans have their own facebook page. And I know it's not because I'm the latest gossip news. It's because I just... don't belong. In their eyes, I have no right to be here."

"You have every right to be here." Cat almost growls out.

"I know!" Kara shots back and Cat is completely taken aback by her raised voice. "I know." She repeats quietly, before passing an hand through her hair. "Rao, this is hard."

Cat does not lower her gaze. She stopped being that kind of woman a long time ago. She does not lower her eyes, not even for Kara. It still feels like the ground just got removed, like plummeting into void. "Are you... do you want to leave?"

"Rao, _no_. No, no, never." She denies vehemently, shaking her head.

"Because it sounds like you do."

"I'm not going anywhere." Kara states with a determined glint in her eyes. "What I'm trying to say - badly - It's that I'm not... I'm just a nobody, Cat." She raises her arm before Cat can utter a word. "I know, I know. I'm young. I have potential. I know. If anything, the simple fact that Rao or fact thought me worthy of the place I hold in your life is testament enough that... even if I'm not there yet, I can be someone you can truly be proud of".

And that's always the problem. She had spent years keeping Kara away, telling her she had to be someone, she had to be great, she had to be accomplished. And what for? To avoid the power imbalance?

And of course, it was a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Because Cat does not see _it_ , now. Not when Kara stands up to her with a smile, effortlessly rolls with the punches and tugs her in a hug and is relentless in dismantling her walls before Cat could build them back.

This Kara who's love is so firm, so intense, it practically pours off of her in waves. Cat is the one who's not good at this. Who holds too tight one moment and is dismissive the next. She'd do anything to keep Kara, but if the younger woman wanted to _leave_ , she'd let her go without a fight.

Kara would fight - always fights - for them.

Kara is the powerful one, even she doesn't realize yet.

Instead, she's starving for validation. _Worthwhile_. She needs to prove herself worth of Cat Grant in the world's eyes.

And Cat shakes her head, because she was the one who made it sound like their relationship was in any way linked to Kara's accomplishments.

"I'm already proud of you." She replies in a low tone. "I'm sorry I put you under the general public scrutiny. It's my responsibility to shield you from them. I'm the Queen of All Media, Kara. I can deal with bad press."

"Cat, no... Just... teach me. Teach me how to not make any other messes. Teach me how to talk to people. Teach me how to not stick out like a sore thumb in your world."

"You don't need to do anything. Maybe stop talking to strangers? They'll tire out pretty soon." She replies dismissively. "The sooner they tire out, the sooner you can start your own path."

"You know it doesn't work like that." Kara replies, crossing her arms. "I'll always be Grantsgirl. Even if I manage to be inconspicuous enough to fall off the paparazzi's grid by boring them to death, wherever I'll go in the journalism field, especially at CatCo, I'll always be Cat Grant's ill-matched soulmate. And that's completely false, because," Kara cracks a sweet, teasing smile, "you're kind of perfect for me."

Cat rolls her eyes. "I know at least one man who could care less about who you are. He'd probably enjoy shooting you down."

"That's... not really the point."

"Look, I understand. You're young, you want to take the world by storm, you are hungry, that's great. I was like you when I started out."

"I'm not talking about my career. Or lack of it." Kara shakes her head to her feet, with a secretly amused expression. "I'm not one of your children. You don't have to protect me. Teach me how to protect myself. How to protect us. So..." She waves her hand towards Cat, "take off the kid gloves."

"Take off the kid gloves." Cat muses. "What makes you think I have them on?"

"Cat, I spent years reading your live commentary while we watched rom-coms together." She air-quotes the last word and Cat bites her lower lip to hide a smile. "I could tell when you were holding your punches back before I could see the accompanying frown."

"Do you even know what you are asking?"

"Oooh," she drawls, "trust me. I know."

Cat stares. She knows Kara has a point. Really, Cat doesn't even know why she bothered to postpone this moment. "Alright", she replies with a shrug. "Let's be clear, this is just image, mere P.R.. People have certain expectations on how you should dress or act, since you've been pulled in my brand. I refuse to make you satisfy them. But it's time to people realize that like in any other aspect of my life, I only get the best. You're smart, literate, beautiful and you have that adorkable charm about you that it's frustratingly endearing."

"Uhm... ok?"

"And for God's sake, you're _genetically_ superior. Literally."

"Wait." Kara stammers. "I don't really like to see it like that. I- You earthlings ar-"

Cat purposely ignores Kara's half-protest. "And it won't be drastic." She's on a roll, now. And she starts pacing in the kitchen, because she had gone towards this all wrong, and her image had suffered for it. And Kara's. If Kara is going to stay, and goddammit she is, then she'd better know the rules to the game. "No, we'll be smart about it. You're mine. It's time to show off."

"It sounded why less scary when I proposed it." Kara half-mumbles.

Cat pretends to not hear and leans in a kiss.

 

* * *

 

 

"First rule." Cat starts suddenly, after breakfast, halfway in her second latte while Carter is in the bathroom washing his teeth, " _Talk_ , but say nothing."

Kara blinks, setting down her own cup with a frown. "How does that even work...?"

Cat huffs and leaves the room. "What did they even teach you in Journalism 101?"

"Wait, was that an example?"

 

* * *

 

 

_Second rule. Fashion._

It appears on her forearm mid-afternoon and Kara scowls at it, until Carter notices it.

"What kind of rule is fashion?"

"I think it is your mom's try to make me burn my cardigans."

"You can't! Did you know they had their own facebook page?"

 

* * *

 

 

"Third rule." She begins, while Kara is already half-asleep, her back to the rolling credits and head firmly on Cat's legs. "I foot the bill."

"Wait? No."

Cat doesn't even stop running her fingers in Kara's hair. "Uhm... yes."

"Nooo." She drawls and it comes out a little like a whine.

"Yes." Cat sounds amused, now. And even if Kara knows she has lost, she tries again.

"N-" Kara squeals, as Cat suddenly stands up, sending her crashing on the floor.

"Yes. No arguments."

"That hurt."

"My flooring, I know. Follow me on the balcony for a nightcap? Yes, you can have m&ms."

 

* * *

 

 

It's not _Pretty Woman_. Kara doesn't walk along Rodeo Drive, hands full of bags and spending a _Really offensive_ obscene amount of money.

But.

Some of her sundresses have names.

And she owns more than two cocktail dresses.

And a lot of shirts. And it takes feeling Cat fiddle with the second button as she kisses her four times before she realizes why.

"Don't be silly, Kara. You look like a smart and professional woman. It's what we were going for. Less unemployed hipster, more look at me, I'm adulting."

(There are cardigans, too. The pricey kind. But _still_.)

 

* * *

 

**Reese Turtle (@r.turtle):** _#Grantsgirl just got her allowance guys! #shopping with #Catgrant card_

**Freya Saint (@freyaisnotasaint):** _@r.turtle about time. Now they'll stop with the whole #poorgirlfromKansas shit_

 **Dave Smith (@d.smith354):** _@freyaisnotasaint @r.turtle wasnt #Grantsgirl from Midvale?_

 **Freya Saint (@freyaisnotasaint):** _@r.turtle @d.smith354 same diff. #Catgrant is her soulmate. she gotta be a spoiled brat._

 

* * *

 

 

Her second date with Cat is public.

Cat makes them coordinate their colors, and wear pricey accessories, and makes her twirl before leaving.

Kara doesn't mind the last part, doesn't mind Cat looking both hungry and proud.

Doesn't mind Carter giggling in the background or his groan as Kara stammers out a compliment.

And Kara can't hide her smile as Cat scolds her about having to re-apply their lipstick or rants about the endurance of non-transferable make-up.

She is taken aback, however, by Cat leaning in, suddenly looking serious. "Aren't you forgetting something, darling?"

Kara freezes a little. She doesn't know why this moment suddenly seems so important. She's honestly not sure if it's Cat's dramatis persona coming to play or if it's something more. "No?"

Cat smiles somberly, then, showing Kara's glasses in her hand and gently slipping them onto her face. "Here."

Kara almost takes them off. Instead, she fumbles with them and thanks Cat.

She had not planned to wear them. She had planned to leave them behind.

But Cat has put them back on her. And Kara smiles with a knot in the throat.

 

* * *

 

 

It's not perfect.

They let badly-hidden paparazzi take their shoots and they eat insignificant portions of overpriced food and Cat holds her hand the whole time she doesn't need it to eat.

Kara pretends to not hear the constant click or the increased heart-rate of the waiters as they take their orders.

She stills has a good time, because Cat is still funny and is in fully charming-mode and Kara laughs, despite herself, while Cat makes an on-point imitation of Lois.

Kara still has to try and convey her apologize to one of the waiters with her most sympathetic look.

This time, they go home - _home_! - together and there are four pizzas waiting for there and Cat is smiling knowingly at Kara.

There's the start of their third date.

At least, Kara claims that with childish glee as soon as the nanny leaves, and Cat's eyes widen for a moment before grinning mischievously.

"Really, Kara? With our son at home?"

It takes her few moments to connect their son's presence and the third date rule (And really, is that really a rule?) and begin to splutter pitifully.

"Well, not that we should let that deterrent us, but at least the first time I would not want us to keep quiet."

Kara groans at her own blush. "I don't think I'll ever get used to this."

"Good." Cat remarks with a self-satisfied smirk, walking barefoot to the fridge stopping as she passed Kara for a quick peck. "We wouldn't want to grow complacent."

"Like I could ever forget." Kara mumbles, hoping that the noise of Cat opening and closing several tupperware containers would let the words go unheard.

"Forget what?" Cat asks, and Kara cringes, before taking a deep breath.

"We are going to have sex."

The sounds cease. And Kara can feel Cat's eyes boring on her back.

"I mean.... we will, I guess. Not today. But... we are going... to take that step." Kara turns into her seat to look at Cat, who's staring at her with an inscrutable expression. "I'm... a little afraid? But the good kind. The very good kind. I..." Kara shakes her head and laughs softly. "I... I want to. Knowing we... Eventually... I... it feels like I can't even breath because something far more hefty is taking all the space and my lungs can't move." Kara lowers her head and fumbles with her hands. "I don't know if I'm ready. But I want to be. You're... Since I've properly met you, you're pretty much all I can think about. Which is ridiculous, because I've been thinking of you everyday since I understood you were a person." She nods towards her bare arms, then shakes her head again, more vigorously this time, because it's all kind of stupid. She must sound like a schoolgirl. "I don't know if I'm making any sense. I probably shouldn't have-"

"No. Don't you dare to take it back. You-" Cat stops and bites her lower lip. "It makes perfect sense. One may even say you are... not alone in this."

"Yeah?" Kara asks shakily, with a timid smile. And when Cat offers her hand, she takes it fearlessly.

And the pizzas are cold by the time they get around eating them and she's not sure if it counts as another date, anymore.

But Cat had led so earnestly into the sturdy armchair in studio. Locking the door, turning on the kryptonite modulator and falling boneless against Kara's body.

And it wasn't a bed. It wasn't sex.

It wasn't anything they hadn't done before.

But Kara felt cherished and cared for in a way that felt new and astounding, and felt like falling without crashing.

Kara still broke a little, pressing tear-wet eyelashes against Cat's collarbone, at the whispered chant on her lips.

_You are not alone._

 

* * *

 

 

 **Sarah Haras (@saraharas8778):** _#Grantsgirl is nowhere into #Catgrant league. Just look at them. she looks like she can't even make a proper sandwich_

 **Jamie Sullivan (@jamiesullivan):** _@saraharas8778 #Grantsgirl is hot_

 **Sarah Haras (@saraharas8778):** _yeah after #Catgrant threw money at her. there must be a staff just to make #Grantsgirl look presentable @jamiesullivan_

 **Hook Hook (@hookhook):** _@saraharas8778 #Grantsgirl & #Catgrant can sandwich me anytime_

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... my knowledge of Twitter and... social media in general, sucks.
> 
> But if you felt like the twits (that's how they are called, right?) were disruptive and were breaking the narrative, that was kind of the point.
> 
> I do have a tumblr. I like to look at the pics.


	8. Like Skipping The Tutorial In Hard-Mode

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you say to fellow shippers when you vanish for 8 months?
> 
> It took me awhile. I was never satisfied with the first draft of this chapter. It sucked. It took me a lot of time to realize it was because it was filled with a lot of my issues about money.
> 
> Too many years in Med-school, rubbing elbows with rich kids Leave an impact when your books are borrowed and not the latest edition and you only own one good white-coat and you have to be very careful with it or you're stuck with the one three sizes too big. It seems.
> 
> It means I realized I had issues while writing. And that's awesome. You can beat what you know! 
> 
> So, since Kara doesn't have my hangs ups, I practically had to throw the Whole thing off a bridge and start again.
> 
> And again.
> 
> And again.
> 
> Now, this is it.
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy it.

 

 

_“Pooh hasn't much Brain, but he never comes to any harm. He does silly things and they turn out right. There's Owl. Owl hasn't exactly got Brain, but he Knows Things. He would know the Right Thing to Do when Surrounded by Water. There's Rabbit. He hasn't Learnt in Books, but he can always Think of a Clever Plan. There's Kanga. She isn't Clever, Kanga isn't, but she would be so anxious about Roo that she would do a Good Thing to Do without thinking about it. And then there's Eeyore. And Eeyore is so miserable anyhow that he wouldn't mind about this.”_

_\- A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh_

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kara never did well with change.

She wishes this time was different.

It's a good change. An awesome change.

She's terrified.

 

* * *

 

 

Cat grins at her over the phone, and Carter shuffles closer in an awkward, slow-motion, shoulder bump.

She breathes in and out, and repeat, repeat, _repeat_ , and no matter how terrified she is, she's not giving this up.

 

* * *

 

 

Kara lasts three days, before knocking on Alex door. Before she admits something isn't quite right, and it's probably her.

She lasts until Cat mentions going on _The Talk_ and _It's CatCo related_ and Kara can barely get out her _What if..._ before Cat sneers a _They wouldn't dare_.

She wonders if this is normal, or just her own brand of strange. This vague sense of impending doom and the nights when there's only Cat and Carter and she's _home_. And she's safe, they're safe, and they'll never leave her no matter how often she messes up.

But she really doesn't want to mess up.

She goes and sits on Alex's couch, eating ice-cream out of the tub, and laughing it off, a little too high and a little to shaky, until Alex's hand is on her wrist and she meets her gaze.

Her shoulders sag at Alex's expression. _Her I don't understand, but help me to_.

There's not really a way to explain her sister how utterly raw being with Cat can make her feel.

But that as soon as she is out of her sight, she feels so helplessly vulnerable to the scrutiny of the general public.

And her _own_ scrutiny.

And all the points where they overlap.

"Kara... is this still for the internet thing?"

She hates how silly it sounds, put it that way. "No."

"Honestly? Because-"

"Not really?" She glances down at her phone screen before looking back at Alex. "I mean... I have more followers than I even thought possible and it's kind of ridiculous because now all these people expect me to say _something_. And I've never twitted anything witty to begin with. Like... once. In my whole life. I just retweet the odd add about missing pets and food pictures."

"I don't know." And Kara lips curl up instinctively at Alex's fond smile. "There was that period when you where really into unlikely friendships between animals."

"You can't honestly tell me that Bea the Giraffe and Wilma the Ostrich aren't the cutest friends ever. Or... or that cheetah with the Labrador friend."

Alex snorts. "Yeah, you loved that one, didn't you?"

She grins and takes another mouthful of ice-cream. "I just feel like there's a lot of people watching. Wondering what I'm going to do next and I'm in a slump."

"Really, Kara, why are you even torturing yourself with that? Did Cat put you up with this? Is she going to break up with you if you don't get National City's seal of approval?"

"What? No!"

Alex doesn't even bat an eye at her outraged outburst, and Kara realizes they were never accusation to begin with, but mere rhetoric to make a point. "Then why do you even care? Isn't this supposed to be your soulmate honeymoon period? You should be doing all that cheesy and overly sweet stuff I do not want to hear about."

"I just want them to like me. I want one thing to go right. I just - I want everything to be perfect."

"But it isn't." Alex replies calmly.

Kara opens and closes her mouth, and tilts her head.

There are moments, short, fleeing, terrifying moments, when everything feels fake and forced. A counterfeit family. A counterfeit Kara who'd do anything to belong and a counterfeit Cat who uses softer words and charming smiles and a young boy who tries to keep himself from clinging too much.

(It's never too much.)

Thank Rao, sometimes they _slip_.

They all slip. And Carter clings and Cat is all hard edges and independence and Kara loves holding one close just as much as she loves stepping back and admire the other.

And they fall in something that's real and fragile and imperfect, where Carter is not strong and Cat is not soft and Kara wants to be more but she doesn't know how.

(Except... Carter _is_ strong. Cat _is_ soft. Kara still doesn't know what to do with herself.)

And maybe she's obsessing a little too much over something she has no control over.

Cat is the one who shapes the public opinion, Kara is the one who can't even get a fashion blogger approve of her ridiculously expensive casual attire.

Cat is also the one who tugs at its lapels and grins against her lips and comes up with the most bizarre insults and always, always, says just the right thing.

"It kind of is." Kara says finally, with a profound exhalation that takes away more weight than simple air should hold. "Some things aren't, of course. But... she is so... warm."

" _Warm_ , Kara?" Alex asks mid-snort, a teasing grin spreading across her face. "I think the word you are looking for is hot."

"No - well, yes, that too, -" Alex snickers and Kara swaps her arm. "But... she's good to me, Alex."

"Yeah?"

Kara blushes. And that's the big change of their date night. Not the flashes of the paparazzi. Not the nervousness of the restaurant staff. But Cat's touch.

There was something deeply intimate in the way Cat touched her, in the _click_ of a room locking, in the way she lead her there. And she can't stop thinking about Cat leading her to her bed, instead. She wonders if it would have ended differently. And then she cringes, mortification washing over her because Kara had _sobbed_. Sobbed like a child as Cat whispered words she didn't know she needed to hear.

Nobody told her it could be like this.

Or maybe they tried, but she still weren't ready, she still couldn't have predicted how shattering the feeling of being safe and being loved and being touched could be.

And now, Kara is back to blushing whenever their eyes meet.

Rao, she had sobbed.

Sobbed.

And from that moment on, every time they kiss or touch or stare, she can't help but remembering how she broke, how much she wants to break again and how much that scares her.

And she can't explain that. Not even to Alex.

(She ignores the voice that adds _Especially to Alex._ Beautiful, _mateless_ Alex, whose potential for love is so great, Kara feels like choking every time she thinks it may stay untapped.)

The truth is... Kara don't care if a _whatshiswittysoundingnameis_ plus random numbers, thinks about her clothes or her hair or her apparent lack of class.

But Cat gives her so much, everyday, and she doesn't know how to give back.

"Kara?" She raises her head at the sound of her name, almost surprised by Alex's presence. She's about to apologize, but Alex's expression is soft and concerned and Kara keeps still, instead. "Tell me what's wrong."

"I'm falling behind." She admits, fully knowing how cryptic it may sound, but still needing a couple of minutes before confessing her feelings. "She... she takes me on dates and buys me clothes, and... do you remember that article I wrote for my Journalism course that was published on the NCC journal? Well, she read it and gave me a C-."

"Wait, what?"

"And... she let me practically move in. And all but fired Carter's nanny because she knew the idea made me uncomfortable and she even bought that branded beer that you like and... and... and... she... _touches_ me and I... I don't know... I -"

"Kara, if she's pressur-"

"No!" Then quieter. "No. It's... I feel..."

_Like is safe to break._

"Safe."

The word slips out of her lips like a revelation. There's a reason why they didn't make out on the couch, like usual. A reason why Cat didn't lead Kara in her bedroom.

Cat knew Kara was going to break.

And then she remembers how Cat clung to her.

How... different it felt.

Not too soft. Not too gentle. Not all teasing smirks and playful like they can just pretend the last thirty years didn't happen, rewriting them with easy routines they never actually established.

She felt solid and warm, bony hands wandering and pulling and the lightest sting of manicured nails, the weight of her body, still not heavy, but consistent above a depowered Kara.

The phantom feeling of trembling eyelashes grazing a wet cheek.

And for the first time, Kara wonders if Cat was ready to break, too.

"Guess you are in the honeymoon period, after all." Alex mumbles. "Kara, it's OK. Intimacy is a big deal." She's trying to look supportive but she mostly looks chagrined. Kara can almost hear the _Please, let's not talk about sex. Again._ pleading cry in her sister's mind.

"I'm sorry. I just feel like she's... acing every aspect of our relationship and I'm kind of fumbling. I was supposed to be good at this, Alex. But... I'm not. And I thought... I thought I could at least... If I-" Kara stops, Alex waits, and Kara starts all over. A practiced dance her sister knows well. "Sometimes I think about how my life would have been if I landed here and Cat... had given up on me." She ignores the light gasp she would have never heard without her powers. "She has always supported me. And pushed. And she gave me direction and taught me so much. And whoever I would have been, whatever life I would have lead... it's a life I'd never chose over this one." She shakes her head.  "Sometimes I try to picture... how her life would have been, if she had had a normal, _earthling_ , soulmate."

"Kara..."

"I don't know how to make her happy, how to make her proud, how to make her still pick me, even after... all the years she had to spend alone. I don't know how to be... worth all the pain I put her through."

"Oh, Kara," Alex is shaking her head, and enveloping Kara in her arms, and her sight is blurry. Oh. "Kara, no. That woman... is completely smitten with you. I'm sure- Kara, hey, just talk to her, OK? If you don't believe me, just... tell her, OK?"

"She knows. I... she always _knows_." And it's true. Cat always knows. "She keeps doing these sweet things to prove she cares and... I don't know how to do this, Alex. She is- And I'm not doing enough."

"Then take her on a date."

"What?" It always left Kara flabbergasted how anticlimactic and pragmatic Alex's advices were. Especially when regarding other people's relationships. Once, one of Kara's friend was crying about her soulmate cheating on her over. Alex swept into the room, stole a bagel and told her to dump him. Kara remembers the anguished cry of _He's my soulmate._ and Alex's casual and dismissive shrug. _Still an asshole. Dump him._

Sometimes, Kara wonders if Alex would actually act so blasé if she was the one involved.

"You soulmate couples complicate every thing." Alex sighs, and takes the ice-cream tub from Kara's hands, before placing it out of reach. "Listen, I get it, OK? I don't understand the appeal, but I get why many soulmates just kind of... rush into a marriage kind of relationship. But this part matters, OK?" Kara nods slowly. "And I know, I know, you're all super-mom and focused on not messing up her reputation or whatever, I know you're... kind of afraid of all this. And it's OK to be afraid of messing up. I mean... if I had spent as long as you have, waiting for something, _I_ would be anxious, too. But trust me... if you want to make her happy, just... spend time with her. Ask her out, OK?"

"Have you seen her schedule?"

"Now you're just being silly. Have you even asked?" Kara tries to not look guilty. _Is it really that simple?_ "She _did_ have the time to re-grade your best college work." Alex points out.

"It was actually kind of sweet."

Alex snorts and shakes her head. "Look, it doesn't have to be something big or pricey. Not all dates are in restaurants. You can go for drinks. Or... I don't know, bring her lunch. Take her to one of those galleries showings you have bookmarked on your phone. You feel like you're not doing enough. So... do more. Didn't you cook her dinner, the other night?"

"Yeah... and it ended up in a disaster." Alex raises an inquiring eyebrow, prompting Kara to elaborate. "I may have trashed her kitchen and destroyed some expensive knife."

"And she... got angry?"

She smiles, remembering Cat's expression. "No, no. She seemed... mostly baffled. And amused."

"What happened next?"

Kara scowls at the question. "What do you mean?"

"Did she go into her home-office or did she stay and clean up with you or...?"

"Uhm... we talked. And... uhm... you _know_. And... we ate... pretty late."

"Then it was no disaster, Kara." She concluded. "It may have not been a _proper_ ," Alex says, air-quoting the last word, "date, but it's close enough. I'm sure Cat appreciated the effort, regardless of the result."

"That's... not really a Cat thing. Cat is all about getting things done. Perfectly."

"It's a dating thing. It's not a Rom-Com. Dating isn't actually that complicate or extravagant. It's about showing an effort to... I don't know, getting to know your partner. A willingness to spend time together. _Alone_ , together."

"I know this, but-"

"Forget the perfectly arranged plans, if her schedule won't let you. Or the public dates if you want to avoid a recap of it on some stupid blog. Do whatever you are comfortable with. But I'm telling you, you could trash her kitchen countless times, if it means she gets to spend the rest of the evening with you. And you know why?"

Kara rolls her eyes, almost annoyed by Alex's patronizing tone. "Because it's a dating thing?"

"No." Alex states, hitting Kara on the chest with her index finger. "Because she'd still pick you."

_Oh_.

 

* * *

 

Cat quietly turns the key into lock, as she pushes the door open.

It's the first time since Kara physically walked into her life, that she came home after Carter's bedtime. The first time, that she comes home somewhere between lightly buzzed and wobbly drunk, and she mentally curses North Korea's flair for power tantrums and her chief foreign correspondent for his inexcusable ineptitude.

The light in the foyer is predictably dim, and Cat's mind flashes back to another era of her life, to another partner and another child and left-overs in the fridge and a table still set for one and resentful glares in the morning.

She makes a mental note on talking it out with her therapist on their next session, as she gingerly walks towards the living-room, only to notice the tell-tale glow of a screen still on.

"Hey."

Kara whisper is soft and timid and if she adds something along the lines of _You're home_ or _Finally!_ or even _Here you are_ , Cat is probably going to cry.

(Cat doesn't know why, and she files that tidbit away for further analysis.)

But Kara doesn't add more. Instead, she discards her laptop and pats the seat next to her on the couch, and Cat obliges with a nod, ready to deal with the disappointment of a neglected lover. She idly wonders if Kara classifies as one.

Whatever Cat was expecting, it never comes.

Instead, there's a kiss on her temple and an arm slung around her shoulders and she lets Kara guide her closer until she folds against the younger woman's chest.

She closes her eyes, then.

Not wishing for sleep, but in need to fill her senses with the comfort Kara provides. The weight of her arm, protective around her back, the press of her lips against the crown of her head, the firmness of her body beneath her cheek and the warmth of her hand as it covers Cat's.

She relaxes in the embrace, filling her lungs with her smell, quenching the hint of panic that hit her as she walked in and wondering how long she can stay like this without appearing overly needy.

Kara doesn't let go.

And minutes pass, before Cat can't fight the urge to press a kiss against Kara's collarbone, then doing it again, with a smile, prompted by Kara's subtle shudder.

"Are you OK?"

She frowns at the softly posed question, raising her head to meet her gaze, only to find it full of the kind of earnest concern, Cat never thought someone would direct to her since her father's death.

And she fully means her answering "Yes."

Kara pauses, her head tilted to one side in effortless concentration, her gaze falling on Cat's chest for a split of second before nodding with a smile.

"Did you just... use your in-built truth machine on me?" She is not angry. Just a little baffled. Maybe she will be angry when she's sober enough.

"Not like that!" She's quick to deny. Too quick and Cat narrows her eyes at her. Kara sags and sighs and her eyes darts quickly around the room, before settling on her chest, right over her heart, as if she can see it. _She can_ , Cat reminds herself. "If we are close enough, I can always hear you." Kara bites her lower lip, looking down her lap, both remorseful and apprehensive, her eyes darting up to Cat's face for half an instant every few seconds.

Cat really wants to tell Kara she doesn't mind. That she never meant to make her feel guilty about something she apparently can't help, but that she is glad Kara has told her because this may raise few privacy issues and -

_Oh_. Kara heard her on the verge of a panic attack.

And held her until she - almost, almost - forgot about it.

"That's... convenient." The words are calm and measured and Cat doesn't really have the faintest idea of what the appropriate answer is. She's used to watch her words and control her tells and she never thought she had to worry about her own heartbeat giving her away. She should have. Kara may always so careful, so painfully careful about her Kryptonian traits, but Cat has always known.

"I could try to tune it out! I - there are few exercises -"

"No!" Cat blurts out, because _fuck_ if she is going to force Kara to hide even more of herself than what she's convinced she has to. And she is never going to admit it aloud, but it helped and being held won't cure the anxiety out of her - chemical imbalances are more cynic than that, but she won't stop Kara from trying.

She can deal with Kara being privy to her weak moments. Cat can trust her with them.

Like Kara does. Constantly and relentlessly.

This woman loves her.

Cat's heart rate spikes, again. For a completely different reason. And her hand shots to grab Kara's and place it over her heart.

It's unnecessary. And the kind of romantic flair she is not prone to.

And Cat tries to justify herself in her mind. Maybe she's more drunk than she had realized. Or maybe it's leftover emotionality from yet another brush with anxiety. Or it's simply time to _woman the fuck up_.

But she needs Kara to know. She needs her to.

"Can you tell the difference?"

Kara nods, her lips still parted in surprise at the sudden move. And Cat leans in, stealing a kiss Kara gladly concedes, palm still pressed against her ribs.

"This is the good kind." She murmurs against Kara's lips. "This is your tune. Memorize it."

There's nothing romantic about it, really. No matter what Kara will surely claim. It's an order. _It's Latte. No-fat._ and _Deadline at 5 or you're out_. But if Kara can hear her lies and her anxiety and her caffeine's highs, Cat won't have her not recognize _this_. All these moments when Cat can't believe this girl is hers and all the ones when she wants her. So she kisses Kara harder and deeper and when they come up for air, Kara is frantically nodding against her forehead with her eyes closed shut.

"It won't always stay the same." Cat states, because nothing good comes from pretending otherwise. "Some moments... are bad like before. Other are worse. Sometimes... it's for a full day. Or days. And I'm not always very good at coping. Or self-medication. But you memorize this one. I'll try-" She stops, because she doesn't not what she is promising. Her life is stressful. Some days Lexapro is enough. Others, she foregoes medication and grabs a tumbler. Or four. And even the promise to _try_ , it's not one she can make lightly.

"It's OK." Kara cuts her off. "It's OK. I know. It's OK."

Cat wants to add more. She wants to be the kind of person who could make that promise and keep it.

"Just... don't mix them, please." She whispers in a exhale, eyelashes trembling close, her hands curling with Cat's. It's a plea.

And this is a promise Cat can keep. One she made with herself after a too-close call. And she nods, head hanging low, because she had, when Carter was a toddler and Kara was orphaned again and they had needed her and Cat had been a _fool_.

Kara kisses her forehead, then, slow and reverent, before glancing down with a teasing smirk and glinting eyes.

"Sooo..." She drawls with a Sunshine grin no human would ever wear at this time of the day, "sleep it off or food first?"

Cat laughs shakily, taking a deep breath to adapt to the change of mood. She feels both numb and happy. "Depends. Did you try to cook again?"

"Hey! I resent that!" She's grinning and shaking her head. "But no. I... do you remember Jeff?"

"This Jeff is a chef?"

"No. He works at CatCo." Cat raises an eyebrow. "Down at security? No? Anyway, I may have asked him to call me when your driver picked you up. So, I could run down and pick some fat and greasy food for you."

"What. Are. You. Saying?"

Kara leans closer. Her tone bold and husky as she's never heard before. A puff of breath hits Cat's ear, making her shiver, as she utters the magic words in a breathy whisper. "I have a cheeseburger waiting for you. With fries."

_God_. This woman.

 

* * *

 

 

Kara lowers a half-asleep Cat on her bed as gently as she can, unconsciously smoothing her brow with her thumb.

And as she closes the door, she rethinks Alex's words.

It wasn't a date, but they had _fun_.

Cat had enjoyed... enthusiastically her go-to anti-hangover food, and she had looked positively delighted when Kara sat down in front of her to eat her own fat and greasy food. And Kara had stuttered something about it being among the perks of having a alien soulmate.

_I don't require as much sleep and I'd gladly eat another dinner at... 1 in the morning._

And then Cat had wanted to compile a list.

A honest to Rao, _list_.

(Most of it made Kara blush and it had nothing to do with her being an alien. At all.)

And it was fun. And it was them. And Cat stole her fries for mischief's sake, before giving Kara the ones she didn't manage to eat. And it was what she had always pictured.

And it was real.

She can do this. She can help. She can take care of Cat.

 

* * *

 

 

Cat wakes up to the shrill sound of doom of her alarm clock.

And the smell of food. And coffee.

And for a moment, she's sure she must have overslept.

She didn't. But she still rushes her basic morning ablutions and marches into the kitchen, still in her pajamas, ready to catch a burglar in there.

Cat knows it's Kara, of course. Even if her security system was lacking, Kara's presence alone would ensure their safety. Cape or not.

But Kara's morning routine usually includes stalling in the guestroom until Carter's first alarm. By the second, she joins Cat in the kitchen with a _Good Morning_ and _How can I help?,_ ponytail already up and dressed for the day. By that time, so is she. Cat usually gives her a task, fixing breakfast together. Kara never initiates a conversation. Instead, she walks on eggshells around her until Carter joins them.

A lot of not-subtle staring is usually involved.

Usually, an eye roll and a kiss are enough to get her in gear. And by the time Cat returns home in the evening, Kara is not too awkward. A bit bashful. Cautious. But not the mess of nerves she's in the mornings.

Cat never calls her on it, letting Kara reluctance to even mention alternative living condition proof enough of her feeling somewhat at home in her house.

This morning, however, when Cat walks into the kitchen, she is met by a pajama-clad Kara who has barely brushed her hair, looking completely at ease. She fills Cat's mug and meets her gaze with a tilted head and a gentle smile, not even pretending she hadn't heard Cat.

She's beautiful.

And Cat leans against the door-frame, unabashedly staring and Kara doesn't look away until whatever is cooking on the stove catches her attention.

It's been weeks but it feel like their first morning, the whole scene more domestic than all the breakfasts they shared.

It's the light. The half past five morning glow that makes everything look softer.

It's the quiet. The silence not even Kara has broken, yet.

It's the self-assurance in her movements. The ease. The spontaneous burst of super-speed she's probably not conscious of as she adds the last touches at the meal she's fixing.

The way she belongs.

Kara is always at her best, when she feels she's taking care of someone.

It's ironic, really. Cat is great at being attended to. But, at being cared for? She _sucks_. She kicks and pushes and she must be so very careful to do neither of those things. Not to Kara, who always tries to be kind like she just can't help herself.

The heart of a hero.

Tick. Tock.

Cat already know how this story is going to end.

It's always been written clearly on her skin, and it became clear as she learned her very first Kryptonian symbol.

Predictable as a Tock following a Tick.

Kara sets a plate on Cat's usual spot, before circling the breakfast counter and walking up to her.

It's a Tick-Tock. Less than that. Too close to really tell.

She kisses Kara before she can ruin the moment with a timid _How are you?_ or _Is this ok?_

They take their time. Cat looses count of the _ticks_ and the _tocks_ , leisurely alternating between open-mouthed kisses and gentle nibbles, her heart skipping a beat during the short pauses at Kara's twinkling eyes. _Was it a tock?_

A whispered _Good morning_. makes her shiver and dig her fingers harder in Kara's sides.

"It is."

At ease or not, she's still her Kara, and she still blushes and she still brave enough for another kiss, before tugging Cat's hand to lead her to the counter. "Come on. I'm going to re-heat your latte real quick, but you'd better start eating your eggs."

Cat follows, reluctantly letting go her hand as she climbs, still barefoot, on the barstool.

It always starts with _Tick_ , it always ends with _Tock_.

Hangover mornings are the only days Cat feels she has to eat before doing anything.

A disruption in her routine she rushes through with a good amount of annoyance. Especially when Carter is home and she knows she is going to fiddle with another latte or a fruit as Carter consumes his own breakfast, a couple of hours later.

_Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock_ and many more compose wasted time.

This morning, Cat doesn't want to rush.

She never wants to rush when Kara is concerned. She doesn't feel that need, that chronic restlessness that characterized her entire adult life, the perpetual feeling of waiting for things to speed up. She always wanted to feel the thrill of watching history happen, new and improved ideals spread, nobodies elevate themselves among the renowned, new technologies bloom, the world ever-changing before her eyes and Cat always wanted to be in the thick of it, witness every news so closely until they belonged to her own life story.

Her very own _Ticks_ and _Tocks_.

She wanted to see it all. And she needed time to speed up and she needed to rush with it.

But.

Kara makes her want to stop time.

Makes her want to savor it slow enough for the clock to stop ticking.

Cat lives on a ticking clock. She is a workaholic and a multitasker and she functions on a four-hours of sleep per night. And she does it magnificently.

She loves it.

The rush the hours, minutes, seconds, flow with in her day and the way she makes each of them count, every moment a new deadline.

_Tick-Tock. Tick-Tock._ Faster and faster. And sometimes she chants them in her head as quick as she can.

Time has always been an impetuous river Cat sailed up with excitement, juggling every task, solving every problem and still be able to have dinner with her son.

Oh, it hasn't come naturally. Some _Tocks_ surprised her more than others. And she has found yourself underwater once or twice. But she has always climbed back on her sturdy raft and no matter how cold and insidious the waters are, she has always rowed with her own fast paced rhythm, she has always come up victorious on the other side, only to began again with another _Tick_.

But Kara.

Kara makes her want to stop rowing, makes her want to lounge on the shore, makes her long for just few minutes more.

Kara makes her want stop time. Put everything on hold.

She makes her want to live these minutes over and over again.

_Same_ Tick and _same_ Tock.

"You're staring again. And you're not eating." Kara teasingly accuses her, smiling mischievously.

She stares for another second before looking down at her plate, and snort at the eggs and toast messily assembled to resemble a face. With a painful looking spinach-made smile. Kara is still beaming when she looks back up, and Cat barely notice her setting down her mug. "My food has a _face_." Cat deadpans.

Kara rolls her eyes with a giggle. "It would have been easier with bacon."

Cat smirks, even if Kara has her back to her (or because of it), gathering her own breakfast plate. She won't start eating until Kara is seated. It's not a waste of time. It's common courtesy. "Oh. Haven't you heard? I'm aging, Kara. I should start to watch my diet."

She ignores the flash of fear in Kara's eyes, the purposely avoidance of a topic they are not ready to discuss, the seriousness and devotion in her expression. "You are going to get more beautiful every day."

_Tick. Tock_. As they say.

Cat can't stop time.

Since Kara walked into her life, the river of time flows quicker and sharper.

And it seems dangerous in ways it never seemed before.

Kara makes her hyper-aware of every maelstrom, every bend, every rapid, every sharp rock hidden under the surface.

Every little thing that can happen between a _Tick_ and a _Tock_.

Dread and anxiety.

Cat wishes she were still naive enough to believe that soulmates were foolproof, were forever, were never-ending second chances.

This is her one-shot. It's been her one-shot since she has been alive.

Kara may not resent for the mistakes in her past, may have forgiven, even forgotten, them all. But Cat can still see every scar, every spot left pink and vulnerable.

And she can't ignore the events that will unfold.

_Tick. Tock_.

Cat will over-work. Cat will over-overwork. Her refusal to use her story to boost up sales, has Dirk White-Male-Privilege Armstrong, whispering the disastrous Tribune numbers to board members. It's on her head, now. She will fix it. Of course, she will. She always finds a way.

But Kara... Cat never learnt to keep close the ones that matter. She never managed to not let people stranded after a tempest.

Kara is going to learn all the nuances of being with a Fortune 500's C.E.O., long before reaping the perks.

And Kara, no matter what she claims at the moment, won't be able to play housewife forever. She'll long for a future, for accomplishments, outside their household. She has that drive to right wrongs, that hunger to be recognized for her work. Cat will give her that chance. Cat will let her grow into whoever she is meant to be.

God, she's getting old while Kara is growing up. But Cat will teach her to swim. She will teach her to dive.

Cat won't teach her about time.

Kara already knows time. Hers just doesn't have _Ticks_ and _Tocks_.

Cat will keep ignoring the sorrowful glint in her eyes every time tragedy hits the evening news, the tightening of her fists, the flash of regret, until Kara herself won't be able to ignore it anymore.

She won't let that instinct die. She absolutely _won't_.

And she won't let her drown.

So she eats her _damn_ breakfast. And she smiles and nods and let herself relax in these perfect _Ticks_ and _Tocks_ and she grabs Kara's forearm as she stands and makes a move to remove her empty plate.

Cat can't stop time.

She can't go back neither. _Tocks_ and _Ticks_ do not happen. She can't write to young Kara, in neat Kryptonian's characters she now knows so well, to rush her goodbyes. She can't tell her father to not show those symbols around. She can't even ask Kara's sister to get out of that badly covered not-so-secret government bureau. She can't claim deniability neither, when it'll come to light. _Ticks_ and _Tocks_ happen. And have consequences.

"You're going to be late." Kara voice is soft and she's still standing next to her and Cat is still gripping her forearm.

No, Cat can't stop time.

Her life turned up longer than what she thought it could be when she was a terrified child in her father's grieving arms or sipping Scotch in her mother's home office, but she is still a slave of it.

Her grip on Kara's arm relax until she releases her completely. It takes he a full _Tick_ and a full _Tock_.

Kara stands still, still standing, still looking at her softly.

Cat swallows. "I can spare few minutes."

Kara sits back down and wordlessly takes her hand and smiles.

_Tick_.

 

* * *

 

Once, Carter's soulmate explained him how internal combustion engine works.

How it all starts with the smallest spark.

Sometimes not even that.

There's something fascinating in a fire-less combustion, in heat so high to change pressure and pressure so powerful to raise pistons and and rotors and it's cars racing and planes flying and spacecrafts breaking out of the atmosphere.

Carter thinks about spark-ignition, sometimes.

And about engines coughing and sputtering and about sparks in vacuum which are not enough until they are, and the engine purrs and rumbles.

It's a beautiful melody of discordant sounds.

He always keeps his ears open for starting engines. A car here, a motorcycle there... he likes the sound of old mopeds best. Or really old cars. The ones his mother snorts at and calls deathtraps.

He writes it down on his arm, one day. He tries to describe how the sound of an engine failing to start on the first few tries makes him want to close his eyes and cheer the plug on. You can do it, he would tell it. _You are not very strong, but strong enough_.

And when the engine finally starts and _holds_... it's like that really cool part of your favorite song, it's like a falling star. It makes him feel strong, too. It makes him want to make all kinds of wishes. It's just a little spark. But it makes engines roar with power.

When a _You are my spark plug, Carter_. appears, he shakes his head and blushes and it's mushy and embarrassing and he wants to say it back but he doesn't. And while he finds his courage another sentences appears. _Every good thing I've done, it's because you made the spark._

Carter hugs his arm close and he don't know what he's supposed to reply so he doesn't.

(He takes a picture, instead, like mom taught him, because his heart is beating so fast and he doesn't want to forget this.)

He always wonders how grown-ups can say all that ridiculous, romantic stuff with a straight face and without blushing and he can't even _write_ it.

(Until, _mama_ comes home, and Carter learns that not all of them can.)

The following day, his mom wakes him up for school and he sees a _Slept well, spark plug?_ and it makes him blush even harder and mom notices and raises an eyebrow before handing him the camera.

As Nicknames go, this is kind of nice. A boy in Carter's class is stuck with being called " _Kid_ " and he met a lot of girls with " _princess_ " on their skin.

He likes this one. Because it's only _his_ and it's like a secret joke and he never thought he could be someone's spark plug. Never imagined he may cause the spark. That he could already be life-altering to someone who isn't his parents.

Carter thinks about spark plugs more and more and sometimes when engines don't start on the first try he closes his eyes and _wills_ the spark to appear behind his eyelids. Like he has the power.

He also wonder what being someone spark plug actually means.

But then, there's _mama_ , nervous and shy and making a move for mom's hand but then letting it fall or leaning for a kiss but then going for a peck on the cheek.

Mom still smiles knowingly and preens and softens and seems perfectly content with how little mama actually did.

It gives mama the courage to try again. And accomplish whatever she was trying to do in the first place.

He thinks mama is a spark plug, too.

Not just about the kissy stuff.

He knows about Adam. About mom being always sad before mama landed. He also remembers very well, mom still being very sad but smiling softly as she read mama words on her arm and taking a big breath before willing herself in action.

He always wondered what mama wrote to give her strength. To make her not-sad.

But now he that he can watch them together, he can guess.

_Not_. _Much_.

Mama was just _there_. Like she is _here_ , now. Bumbling and awkward and smiling dorkly and it's enough.

And if mama is a spark plug, maybe mom is the whole combustion chamber.

Waiting patiently and making sure that no matter how many tries it takes, how much time or how small the spark is, it's always enough. And mom looks at mama like she has just powered the whole planet in motion.

Carter has a combustion chamber, too.

And he feels safe, knowing no matter how distant they are or how much his words fall short or what bullies may snicker about, there's that little safe place when he is both enough and essential.

He wonder if mama has realized that, yet.

_You are my combustion chamber_ , Carter writes in trembling letters, picking at the cuticles of his fingernails as he waits for an answer and hoping his soulmate gets it, because Carter's nickname is still _Spark Plug_ (or sometimes just _Spark_ ), but it's been months since they last spoke about it.

_Even when you won't need me to._

 

* * *

 

 

As a child, she used to believe her greatest adventure began with her father getting both of them lost.

She realizes, now, that they probably never actually got lost. But she still remember being safe, holding her father hand, and the thrill of excitement as he claimed to not know where you had ended up.

_We'll just have to explore and see if we can find the way home for dinner, won't we?_

Sometimes, it happened on Krypton. Sometimes, on other planets. But the game was always the same.

Her father would show her the most wonderful places within walking distance for a full day, and would always have a convenient _Eureka_ moment just in time for the evening meal.

Kara misses that feeling. The feeling of being cocooned by unfamiliar buildings, the rush as she tugged her father's hand in one direction or the other, taking in every detail and trying to re-orient herself, but without any real rush.

She can't get lost on Earth. She can wander aimlessly, but she always knows.

She still pretends, sometimes. It isn't quite the same. Not when she just has to lower her glasses for her sight to cover the 11.4 miles between where she is and the CatCo's building, not when, glasses on, she can still spot cafés and restaurants and libraries and shops before seeing them, by sound and smell alone.

No, Kara doesn't really get lost anymore. Not the kind of lost that is just a preamble to an adventure.

(Just kind of lost where she knows exactly where she is, but she's still... _displaced_. And a little lonely. And she just... human-watches. And waits for something to happen. She used to wait for Cat to write. For Carter to call. For Alex to knock at her door. For another pod to fall.)

These days, she still does a lot of waiting. Cat and Alex have jobs and Carter has school, and she fills her time dabbling in stepfording and hunting for National City's best dishes.

That's how she ends up on a park bench in one of National City's less wealthy districts, finishing up her last Kitumbua, and considering the idea of going back for another portion.

She has almost two hours before Carter's done with his after-school activities.

She also has twenty-six dollars to her name and a platinum card she is never going to use for not-Carter-related expenses.

Before she can actually make her mind, a distinctly childish voice is screaming _Don't touch me!_ at the tops of her lungs.

So she steps in.

 

* * *

 

 

They don't pay her very much.

Sure, it's the kind of job that could that her to places and if it doesn't, it's the kind of job she can laugh about with her friends.

Once it's over.

Years, later. When she's old and settled and finished paying for the therapy's bills.

_Hey, did I ever tell you about that time I was Cat Grant's personal assistant?_

It's a nice ice-breaker. And she's gaining more pub-friendly anecdotes here, than during her three months' globe throttling experience fresh out high school.

(Some nights, when she's still tired and frizzled, she sits down in her empty bathtub, knees to her chest, and pretends she's in front of a pint and trusted friends, and starts to tell them aloud. It helps her deal with the trauma of unreachable news anchors and too many green m&ms in the same pack.)

(It's only her fourth day.)

But no, she's not in it for the pay.

God knows, they certainly can't pay her enough for this.

"Uhm... miss Grant?"

"Intriguing." Miss Grant raises her head slowly, and stares at her. Just stares. Like Jabba the Hut, without the weird, vaguely sexual, thing. And she doesn't know if she's going to eat her or make her dance for hours for her amusement. "I do not smell smoke, but yet, here you are. Do I have to assume my building is burning down and my sense of smell is faulty? Or your hearing is?"

"Miss Grant-" She tries again. Because someone has to tell her and it's going to be her.

"Yes, please, go ahead. I'm curious of what has you barging in after I expectedly told you I didn't want to be disturbed."

"It's miss Danvers, miss Grant."

Cat hums noncommittally, and waves her hand in a vague dismissal. "Well, let her in then."

She closes her eyes, thinks back at her very first wax, at her best friend physically holding her down as she shrieked and the way she chanted _quick and easy, like a band-aid_ under her breath to keep herself from freaking out, too.

"What part of-"

"She's been - she's been arrested, miss Grant."

_One-Mississippi._

_Two-Mississippi._

_Th-_

"She's been... What?"

She doesn't dare to open her eyes. To move. To breath.

Mississippi must be beautiful in this time of the year. Little wet. A bit too hot. Very far from this office.

Her eyes are still closed when she feels a whirlwind of air speed past her and when she opens them again she's miraculously alone in the room. And still intact.

Her whole body sags with dreadful relief.

_Hey, did I ever tell you about that time I had to tell Cat Grant her live-in soulmate got arrested?_

Ha. Ha. _Fun times_.

 

* * *

 

 

"Tell me you _didn't_."

Cat can practically _hear_ the grimace on the other end of the line, and she wishes she had both her hands free so she could massage her temples. She settles for taking off her glasses and pinch the bridge of her nose. Kara, on the other end of the line, sounds hesitant and guilty. "I kind of did?"

She sighs, unsurprised. "Of course, you did."

"It got a little out of hand..."

"Kara... there were more than two-hundred and fifty people. Not counting the ones who had just passed through."

"Like I said -"

"No, no, I don't care." Cat dismisses the excuses, because frankly, she really doesn't care to hear them, not when they are so intrinsically Kara. "I'm not asking why you thought it would be such a bright idea. I do know you, Kara Danvers. The main question is... how did you even pull it off?"

"I didn't, obviously. The police had to intervene in the end."

She rolls her eyes. She's not angry. Impressed, truly. Almost in awe. And it's not like Kara was arrested, not like the incompetent idiots working for some disgraceful web page had claimed. But Cat isn't going to tell Kara that. Not yet. No, she'll keep her hanging until she can decide if Kara's actions fell in the simply idiotic category or the irresponsible moron one. "It was just park security, Kara. Hardly the police. It happens when you throw a DIY rave. In the middle of a day. At a public park."

"Hey, it was a 7 years old birthday party."

Cat holds her smile, even if Kara isn't there to see it for herself. "Yes, I know what it was supposed to be. There was alcohol, Kara."

"None of the children touched it." She assures quickly. "There were just some beers. The adults brought them and shared them among themselves."

"It was a _Muslim_ girl's birthday."

"What? No. Tammy just liked the name Bahira. And I think her paternal grandfather was Iranian. But, really -"

"That still doesn't explain how you pulled it off." She points out. Because really, how did public shy Kara Danvers pulled it off?

"I just _asked_ , Cat." She can picture Kara's shrugging, not realizing the meaning and implications of her own words and Cat grins, pride filling her chest. She sits down at her desk chair, her monitor still showing the thousands of tweets under the BahiraBDay hashtag. She has read them all. She has seen the event unfolding, even hours after it ended, amused and amazed. "I didn't think so many were going to actually show up. It was a shot in the dark. God, Cat, there were so many and so much to manage and it was all so crazy! I had to call Alex to pick up Carter beca-"

"No, no, you did well." Kara knew better than to drag to whatever shenanigans where happening at the park. And while she isn't sure how she feels about Kara delegating to Alex, Cat is still grateful to see Carter connect with another person. "Carter wouldn't have enjoyed the crowd and he seemed excited about some contraption your sister showed him. Now," Cat leans back in her chair, eager to listen Kara's excited voice talk her through her adventure with kids and social media. "Tell me everything from the start. Don't leave anything out. So I can do damage control and assure the the board that you are not in _jail_."

"So... I went in Brightbloom for a snack..."

Cat snorts.

 

* * *

 

 

In the end, it's the Social Media to get the story straight before any newspaper could get any salacious headline.

And Tamara Wilkins, a.k.a. Tammy, a.k.a. the girl mother, video-tweets her side of the story soon enough.

"It's just me and Bahira. We moved to National City's two days ago. We're used to a small community, so I thought that if we just brought some balloons and a cake in the neighborhood park, children were going to come over. It seemed a good plan to make new friends." Tammy grimaced. "When no-one approached us, Bahira became upset. We can say she threw a bit of a tantrum." She adds, but her expression on screen is nothing but loving. "Then this girl walks up to us and two minutes later she says _Don't worry. I'm going to fix this. I promise._ And she did. You all did. So, I want to thank you all for coming to Bahira's birthday party. To all of you who brought her gifts, for the food and drinks and the picnic blankets and garden chairs and tables and even those of you who helped make this day very special just by being there. We were a little bit scared of moving in a big city. And we are so very relieved to realize that wherever we end up, we can always count on the kindness of strangers."

"They are friends, now, mom!" The girl eagerly climbs on her mother's lap. "Hello, friends! Today was fun. "

The mother kisses her daughter temple. "Hello, friends." She echoes.

 

* * *

 

 

Cat closes her laptop with a dramatic click. "I don't even know why I bother with a P.R. department."

Kara chuckles from her spot against her shoulder. "It was good, then? We did have fun."

Cat raises a knowing eyebrow. "Did you?"

"Ok, I was panicking half the time," She bites down a smile at Kara's excited expression and flapping arms. "But there was cake, tons of cakes actually. So it was good." Cat stares. "Ok, almost the whole time. Especially when Keith called his band-mates and they came with an amplifier. It was so not what I had in mind when I offered to retweet his content if he played something kid-friendly. By the way, their rock version of _Twinkle, twinkle little star_ already has 5 thousands visuals, and they have been asked to professionally record it. I know it's not really their genre but -"

"Kara, you're babbling."

"It's just so cool! It could be their big break."

"Yes, well, it was quite the event." She says with a dry, quiet laugh. "Remind me to charge this, later." She adds, as she places the laptop on the coffee table. "Tomorrow I'm stuck with the _supportive_ driver and I don't want to have to listen his chatter about all this."

Kara sighs dreamily as she leans back on the couch, absentmindedly reaching for her hand. Cat lets her. During her babbling, Cat has risked behind whacked by Kara's energetic gesticulation. And if hand-holding on the couch keeps her alive, Cat will bear it like a pro. "I had hoped people would show up when I sent that tweet, you know, but I wasn't really... expecting them to." Kara voice is quieter, but she can still hear the wonder in her voice. "And then Sarah, a dog-sitter, came over with her puppies, waving her phone at us and it would have already been enough. Bahira's eyes got so _huge_. Everyone loves petting puppies." _Except if they're allergic_ , Cat thinks. But this is not the time to make Kara realize Park Security stepping in and five thousands dollars fine was the least serious thing that could have gone wrong. "And then... more people started to come. And I started to realize there was not enough food for everyone. And then..."

"The ridiculous wedding cake."

"Yeah. When Mark said Trina, his girlfriend, had an already paid-for, unclaimed wedding cake in her shop and was willingly to give it up for free if I mentioned-"

"Not for free, darling." Cat interrupts. "Bragging rights. Free publicity. For God's sake, Kara, haven't they taught you the weight of good press at that school?"

Kara rolls her eyes at her and snuggles closer in apology. "Nevertheless... It was sweet of her. And it gave me a chance to mention we were running out of food, without actually having to beg for it."

"I'm very grateful - and relieved, actually, - that your first act as a well-known individual of the National City's tabloid scene isn't begging strangers for food." Cat glances down at Kara with a smirk. "Almost surprised, really."

"Come on, I'm not that bad."

"What was it? Ah, yes. _Thank you, Trina and Cornersweet for the delicious cake. It was a much-appreciated gift and a real hit among both children and adults_." Cat repeats verbatim.

"See?" Kara pokes her ribs playfully. "Free publicity? Advertisement? Mark sent me the accompanying picture Trina had taken in her shop. It was a very beautiful cake. Even George said so. And he should know. He is-"

"Do you remember the name of every single person in attendance?" Kara perks up and opens her mouth. "Wait. No." Cat cuts her off. "Don't answer that."

"I don't."

"Like you didn't beg for food."

"I didn't." The smile on Kara's face, could has well have stated the contrary, and she pursues her lips in a still amused frown.

"No, no, you just posted a photo of the birthday girl using the polished serving plate as an hat. You could have as well written _And now it's finished. Bring me more food. A.S.A.P_.."

"Visual subliminal messages. Didn't they cover it in Media Mogul 101?"

Cat snorts, shaking her head, and Kara drops her hand as she leans back against the opposite armrest, crossing her arms under her head for added elevation. She's still grinning, but playful has turned into coy. There's no attempt to readjust the shirt that has ridden up over her abs, and with one leg bended carelessly and another still on the floor, everything about Kara exudes an unspoken invitation.

Cat blinks. She must be in a mood. And she probably doesn't even realizes. She should have let Alex break out the porn. Or the plotless erotica which the lgbt's literature is mainly composed of. Thinking about it, it's not too late to buy Kara's sister a stock. She may benefit from it, too.

She also wonders, for the umpteenth time, why she had gotten so fixated with the idea of waiting until Kara felt confident enough to ask for sex, when there were moments like this, when her whole body language begged Cat to take her.

Cat blinks again.

And again.

Before smoothing her expression in one of casual nonchalance. "You could have used the card. Gone all out. I wouldn't have minded. This is as good P.R. as it ever gets."

" _I_ would have." She points out, a sock-clad foot tracing pattern on her hip. Cat squirms a little. _Oh, Kara is going to pay for this_. "But it would have put me on the spotlight, even more than I already am, and I didn't want that. It was Bahira's day. I may have given the input, but everything else... came together all of its own." Kara legs open a little more as she stretches again. "But I'm glad you feel that way. I really can't afford that fine on my own."

Cat bites her lower lip, keeping it between her teeth and sucking until it hurts. If her Guerlain resists this, she's never going to look at another lipstick brand ever again. Her body leans forward, almost placing an hand on Kara's inner tight, before settling on her knee, squeezing it in a totally innocent, I'm-proud-of-you, almost mentor-ly way.

"I don't care about the fine. And I'm glad you didn't use the card. This is yours, Kara. You did it all on your own and... well, I..."

Suddenly, Kara sits up. Her hand covering the one on her knee and her face too close to not lean in for a kiss. She doesn't, because Kara is still talking. "There was a lot of name dropping involved. Kara Danvers on her own could have never pulled it off. But as _yours_..." Cat shivers at Kara's intonation, at the low and quiet voice and the deliberate slow once over. "I may be practically black-listed from any publication, since no one would take me seriously and believe I made it on my own. But being Cat Grant's has its perks."

Cat's eyebrows twitch imperceptibly. If she could get away with it, without risking to scare Kara into never daring again, she would have put her hand in front of her mouth in a mock-scandalised expression and a _Kara Danvers, are you propositioning me?._

But the certain knowledge Kara is perfectly aware of what she is doing and the effect she's having, is as thrilling and exciting as foreplay.

Kara is carrying on a calculated and terribly unsubtle attempt at seduction that shouldn't be working but it is. And Cat has really no other choice than play along.

"It has many." Cat speaks finally, with the sultry inflection that usually has Kara blushing and floundering and choking on her own spit. She may be game, but she's not letting Kara off the hook so easily.

After all, Krypton had no word for _teasing_. Here, Cat had written the _rulebook_. Several of them, in fact.

On her part, Kara manages to limit her reaction to a slow swallow.

Cat smirks, retrieving her hand with one last squeeze to Kara's knee and leaning away from her.

Instead, she stands up, before bending down towards the discarded laptop, wiping inexistent lint from its cover display, and readjusting its position to make its borders perfectly parallel to the table's, as if it was a crooked picture on a wall she just had to fix.

All the while, feigning unawareness at Kara's shifting awkwardly on the couch. The girl is probably trying too hard to not look at her out of some displaced sense of chivalry.

It's a pity. Cat has always known she has a great ass.

Still, she takes her time. She absolutely won't coddle Kara on this.

Cat would give her anything she asked. But Kara has to be bold enough to take it.

And since Kara has decided to embark in this sophomoric approach at seduction, Cat would rather let her fail and try another day, than be the one to bridge the distance.

Especially today, with Kara at her bravest, high on the success of a well-carried good deed.

Damned reckless heroes in civilian clothing.

"But," Cat starts, with a hand on a jutted hip and her best aloof expression, "you used one of them to single-handedly convince hundreds of people to attend a seven years olds' birthdays party."

Whatever awkwardness had hit Kara seconds priors washes away as a coy, proud smile, lights her face. "I did that, didn't I?"

She's in mid-eye-roll, and not-at-all turned on by the girl's smugness, when she feel Kara's hand on her wrist.

It's the gentles of tugs, and Cat folds in her lap because playing hard to get was never the plan.

She just wanted this. For Kara to feel confident enough to try and bridge the distance.

Not just for the occasional kiss. Not just for a hug. But for something like this. Intimate and sexual, even if it doesn't actually lead to sex.

An open admission of desire.

And she lets Kara kiss her like a hero's prize, meek and tame and willing.

Cat wouldn't have stood for this, was it anybody else. But, _well_.

"Look at you." She says softly, brimming with the kind of pride that was always solely reserved for Kara. Almost maternal and anything but. She traces her fingertips over Kara's strong jaw. "Owning your power." Her thumb is grazing the corner of her grin, and Kara cheekily kisses it. Cat shivers. "That's a good look on you. Kind of hot."

Cat feels the heat on Kara's skin before she can see the blush, feels the press of her lips against her neck in an half-hearted attempt to hide it. And she gasps, as those lips open against that spot.

This girl will surely kill her.

"Technically..." Kara whispers so close to her ear, she trembles with goosebumps, "owning yours."

And Cat didn't see it that way. And she should deny it. Convince Kara it's all on her. But it's true. Technically. And Kara doesn't seem to mind. If anything, she sounds proud of her. Of them both. Her ego soars, as it often does at the mention of her hard-gained power.

And the notion she could somehow share it with Kara...

"That's even hotter."

Kara giggles against her mouth, and Cat bites those lips as hard as she can until she stops.

 

* * *

 

Alex isn't in the habit of indulging in mid-day mindless television's shows.

No, usually the activity is reserved for sisters' nights with Kara, otherwise, she just lets the episodes of her favorite shows pile up and binge-watch them every time Henshaw sets her up for a forced leave for her own good.

However, she can make an exception when it involves her sister's soulmate.

Especially if said sister knocks at her door while she's in deep R.E.M. sleep after a night spent chasing flying aliens who might be kryptonians and might make her feel terribly guilty about hiding their existence from the ever aforementioned sister.

"Don't laser my TV." She mutters as Kara's expression naturally morph into her Cat Grant special awestruck stare.

She still manages to take her eyes off the screen enough to hit Alex with a pillow. "It was one time."

"Yes, but-"

"Shh!"

She rolls her eyes, reclining limply on her couch and closing her eyes.

Kara won't even notice if she falls asleep.

"So, we talked about CatCo's new late-night radio host..."

"She's so _nasty_. I adore her."

Alex mentally agrees with whoever was speaking. She's mostly offensive to whoever calls. Way to put a spin on the lovelorn calls from menists and friendzoned "good guys" and women and men alike, who need to learn how to deliver a good _fuck you!_ to whoever matched the whole soulmate thing. Rough love. With swearwords. She likes her.

"And CatCo will launch its very first Polish number in March."

"I'm confident _CatCo Polska_ will be as flourishing as its eighteen sister Editions." She sneaks a quick glance at Kara and almost snorts out loud. Her eyes are shining with utter adoration while Cat is smugly basking in the applause.

"Now, we are going to wrap this up, with one last question. We all knew this was coming."

Cat, on screen, rolls her eyes. Alex, at home, rolls her eyes, too.

Kara's whole body leans forward in apprehension.

It vaguely reminds her of the first time Kara witnessed the presidential polls. She was completely awed about the whole concept of Democracy.

Thinking about it, Kara was like that during the last ones, too. As if that daddy-rich, ignorant asshole could beat Mardsin.

"There's a new hashtag that's really trending these days."

"And our audience would really be disappointed if we didn't at least ask."

"Especially after some of them got to eat cake with her."

"So, Cat, in these last few weeks Twitter is literally buzzing with mentions of, what the media have dubbed Grantgirl. We are talking, of course, about Kara Danvers who seems to be your very young, very beautiful soulmate. Some are even looking at this like a modern fairytale others assume she can't possibly not known you were her soulmate beforehand, and claim this is a publicity stunt. And so is also her involvement in a little girl's birthday."

"Well, Holly, seeing as people are calling me the most powerful person in National City, one is going to assume I'm certainly not in need of any more publicity, and surely not one as... distasteful as some objectionable competitors are accusing us of. Kara, well. Kara interests never laid in stardom, and it's apparent she's wholly unprepared for the second-hand fame she's receiving."

Alex's eyes shot open at Cat's answer. While true, she hadn't expected Cat to put it like that. Not when her sister is trying to gain some sort of approval from Cat's hard-to-win-over fans. And not now, with several non-profit Community Development charities head-hunting her (and no-one is more surprised than Alex in finding out that yes, Charities head-hunt like any dirty multinational out there... only, you know, without giving out any money or benefits) like she's a famous DJ and not the dorky alien disaster she is.

(Alex is also a little bit afraid she's going to accidentally give out all Cat's money. She doesn't tell Cat that.)

"Do we sense trouble?"

Cat smirks as if she knew her answer would have lead to that question. "None whatsoever. She is young. And she's eager and reckless and she thinks is socially acceptable to extend a birthday invitation on social media." She shakes her head gently with a tiny, smitten smile, biting the corner of her lower lip as few people laugh and some aww. "But. She's smart and resourceful and compassionate. And you'll tell me I'm biased, but the most remarkable thing about Kara... is that _she is the kindest person I have ever known_."

Alex almost awws out loud, too.

"Yes, she's still learning. And yes, she will probably make other mistakes like accidentally inviting hundreds of people to a birthday without a legit permit. And trust me, I have little sway on her fashion sense. I'm trying. Give me time."

"She buys my clothes." Kara mutters amused thought her eyes are wet, while the audience in the studio laugh, and Alex snickers. No matter what she claims, Cat is not really trying anything.

The woman, on screen, goes on with her speech. "And while she _is_ young and she _is_ learning, she still managed to inspire other people to show up and help out and pitch in with whatever they could offer. And that's Kara. Always willing to help, unafraid in asking others to join. It's a powerful combination." The hosts all nod at this. "She inspires _me_. I've done all kind of things in my career. From exposing facilities who ignored the basest enviromental norms, from out-right stopping firefights and depose some of the dirtiest clogs in the American machinery of Government, but she still blows me away with the smallest, selfless acts of human decency. The way she remembers people's names or smiles at strangers... that can't be taught. Just _shown_. And I believe I can learn a lot from her. I _am_ learning a lot from her."

_Well damn._

She could has well propose, right now.

Kara is openly crying, with her widest smile set in place. She's a mess of happy, silent tears and Alex has to avert her gaze to not fall into a sympathetic cry.

She can hear the concluding niceties happening on-air, but nothing she can focus on, until Kara stands up vehemently.

"I... I have to call Cat. There's a 35 minutes delay. I - she'll be done. I have to call Cat." She's frantic and searching between the couch cushions for her phone and almost jumping when she finds it in her pocket. She looks at Alex, with yet another _I have to call Cat._

Alex nods slowly, pointing towards her bedroom and settling prone on the couch as her sister leaves the room.

And snickers. She wonders if her sister realized she just had a glowing reference from Cat Grant herself. If she had played with the idea of a career in the nonprofit sector when she was selling cookies in high-school or getting her art class to cover up racial slurs graffiti in college, she now had her chance to make it real.

She falls asleep with a smile, listening to the watery giggles of her little sister. In love. With a son. And all the keys to her dreams.

And if she ends up waking up all tucked up in her bed...

Kindest person she has ever known, indeed.

 

* * *

 

 

He has always disliked being summoned by Brainiac 8.

It was a necessary evil to the success of their mission, no matter what Astra thought about her species. They were engineered as tools to be wielded. And while self-thinking tools were prone to develops their own agenda, it didn't make them any more than that.

And Brainiac 8 is a beautiful _tool_.

After all, they would have never made it on Earth without her.

More often than not, however, this summons turned to be some frivolous attempt at seduction.

Still, he would always agree on a secret meeting. The information offered, when offered, was as valuable as the powers provided by this planet yellow sun.

She makes a formidable ally. One worth disobeying his general over. And if Astra was ever going to defect... well.

The guilt from his betrayal lessens with every human mark on his wife body.

(He would never admit the moment of weakness when he checked his own skin.)

This time, when he walks into the room, all the monitors are turned on, showing several picture of the same woman.

"Why are you showing me this human?"

"Human, you say?" She laughs, dematerializzing in front of him, to reappear over his shoulder. "No. This is no ape. Well... no more than you are. I wonder, doesn't she look familiar to you?"

"Should she? She wasn't amongst Fort Rozz's prisoners. And she doesn't look like a jailer."

"Yes. She's a little grown up, isn't she?" He ignores the glee in her voice, focusing on the flickering screens.

"Who is she?"

"You share your bed with the genetic identical of her mother. You tell me."

He doesn't react. He can't. Not under Brainiac 8 observant gaze.

His jaw tenses anyway and he pretends the rage he can't quite manage to hide, is at her subterfuge alone.

Zor-El's daughter.

They had always assumed the lost pod belonged to one of Krypton's ever-traveling dignitaries.

What fools had they been, to believe her vague assurances.

Even Astra, who had always proclaimed to not trust one word coming from her specie, had fell for that. Too blinded by grief to ever hope it could be Kara.

"You lied."

"What would you have done, had I told the truth?"

They would have taken her in. They would have raised like their own. A kryptonian child with a strong bond to his wife. They would have made her see the necessity of their intervention on this planet, like they had tried on Krypton. Shared Astra's big vision.

Then, he would have had a _child_ and another soldier.

"Can we-"

"No." She makes a big show of sighing. Almost a pout. "The chance of recruiting her to the cause were always inferior to the 7.6 percent. She has held a bond with a human since before Krypton demise. There were no scenarios in which she wouldn't have pursued the human, once on Earth. Or not sympathized with humanity, as a whole." She shrugs with a smile. "It would have been a lost cause."

"I see."

"Unlike your wife. You are placing a inconceivable amount of trust on her sense of duty."

He isn't. He wouldn't be here, if he really trusted Astra. But his trust in her has been in a constant descent from the moment she looked at him not as her second-in-command, but as her husband and asked, with a defeated tone no General should speak in, a simple _Was it worth it?._

All over a guard who was destined to die anyway. As if she hadn't killed before. As if she hadn't given that exact same order thousands of times before.

She still took responsibility. She still kept the mantle of General. But the acknowledgement of that doubt could have been as well been the first crack in her armor. The first flicker of longing for a peaceful life. The first time she looked ready to step down.

So, no, he did not trust her. He couldn't trust her methods, always at the verge of naivety. He couldn't trust her to bend the rules of honor and integrity, to do what was needed. He couldn't even fully trust he wouldn't lose her to the companionship this planet offered.

If Earth had been just a little healthier, just a little greener, just a little less corrupted, he would probably have.

(He still remembers discovering the full implications of Astra's stained skin, wishing to be able to deny it and remembering how much older Alura looked, as she sentenced them both in a timeless prison. He had wondered if that was the curse of messiahship. Timeless and unaging.)

But he trusted her with Myriad.

After all, what was Myriad, if not the only conceivable end to every fight?

"Why now?" He asks, because Brainiac 8 must have a reason to reveal Alura's daughter survival after all these years.

"Oh, you want to hear a little story?" She grins, and every screen changes to show a different individual. A couple of D.E.O.'s personnel files. A young boy. Other women he doesn't recognize. Kal-El. "I believe you and your pretty wife already met a couple of them." She stated, pointing at the D.E.O.'s profiles. "Or was I supposed to not know about that fiasco? You never tell me anything, after all."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TAAAAAA-DAAAAAAH
> 
> Look at that! There's plot! In like... the last three sentences! How cool is it?
> 
> Can you just picture it? A real plot?
> 
> Btw, let's talk Brainiac. Or Indigo, like she calls herself at somepoint. Brainiac deserves a little respect. Their race is one of the most ruthless and hard-to-beat in the DC's universe. They are practically omniscent. And strong. I am so promoting her to BIG BAD. And she's Blue! All shimmering blue! I like Blue.


End file.
